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Oct 2014 · 552
Nobody likes a happy poem
jessika michele Oct 2014
nobody wants to hear
about rainbows and unicorns
sunshine smiles
eyes of topaz
a touch as warm as a gentle summer breeze

nobody wants to hear
how your heartbeat races
how you memorize each others faces
or how you lay in the dark and name your unborn children

nobody cares
that you've been swept off your feet
that you feel like a princess
whisked away in the throes of passion

no one cares
how you can taste his soul in his kiss
see your future in his eyes
feel every fiber in your body tingle with elation when he touches you

nobody likes a happy poem.....so I wont write one
Sep 2014 · 427
R.A.D
jessika michele Sep 2014
I used to wear it like armor
sword and shield
a living sigil upon a breast plate
It kept me safe
distant
A bannerman for the soul
"Halt! All who go there!"
for what you see is what you get
whirling and livid
laughing and disheveled
until you

You showed up  
traipsing through miles of frozen wasteland
battling ghosts and wolves
You
in all your glimmering brilliance
with the light of a thousand heavens
my bannerman slain and my armor pierced
that beating sigil sinking beneath the flesh
through muscle and muk
sinking deep into bones
bonding and awakening
Falling away fears and doubts
all of that shining steel
glaring and distracting
just for show
oh but how I wore it well
fallen away now
leaving me
like fresh skin
I feel new
old wounds healed
with the faintest of scars
You have given me something
I hadn't known was lost
an awakening as bold as daylight
truth and courage and honor
and
love
Aug 2014 · 1.1k
you make me feel
jessika michele Aug 2014
so you wanna know
you wanna know how I feel
how do I feel about you
you got a minute?
ok..
you make me feel
glitter
you make me feel
that one song that gives you goosebumps
driving my five speed
my blankets
outer space
riding your motorcycle
waterfalls
a hug from my mother
still not getting it?
glitter=Happy
that one song that gives you goosebumps=perfect
driving my five speed=in control
my blankets=secure
outer space=undiscovered and beautiful
riding your motorcycle=free
waterfalls=peaceful
a hug from my mother=loved
you wanna know how you make me feel
how do I feel about you
how do I feel
how can I
feel
anything
without you
you make me feel everything
jessika michele May 2014
lately
it feels like nothing feels right

lately
I've been squandering my talents in mind numbing delicacies

lately
I've been wondering about.....lately

east meets west
good vs evil
black and white

I cant even make the words come out right

normally
they flow so fluidly
like rivers intent
violently making their way to the sea

lately
they just gather dust

in wooden banks
tiny yellow placards to distinguish what words are where
and I just stand there
staring in all their glory
and wonder
what words have I not been using
lately
May 2014 · 1.4k
jackpot
jessika michele May 2014
how is it
this small town girl
backwoods
redneck
white trash
lives in a trailer
kind of girl
can get a man like you?

my socks don't match
I have sailors mouth
I drink beer from a can
shop at goodwill

yet you look at me like i'm an angel

motorcycle gangs
hillbilly roughnecks
hang in a bar that has a wood stove for heat

and I make YOUR heart beat?
faster?
louder?

the day I met you
I thought "yeah right"
"im so not his type"
"he likes blond girls, who wear pearls and skirts"
things like "LOVE PINK" on their Tshirts

but no....
it's me....?
seriously??
me?

in his shoes, that match his shirt, that match his hat
he said
"I fell in love with you the day I met you"

and our two worlds collide

its like winning the love lottery
and I am the ******* jackpot winner
MEGA MILLIONS FOR LIFE *******!!!
I won a man who makes me richer
Apr 2014 · 442
:)
jessika michele Apr 2014
:)
it's like the first cigarette
after a meal
or the crisp, smooth coolness of that first drink after a long day
utter bliss
satisfied
warm and cozy
the happy buzz from a glass of wine
or two ;)
none of this has to do with alcohol though
it's you
that floating sensation
the heart vibration
the high no drink nor drug could ever induce
it's that first kiss
and you miss
because you're so nervous
losing words and thoughts
you thought you could keep walking
but you're caught
in a glance
in a stare
in an "oh my god his fingers are in my hair"
moment
it's you
it's all you
my happy thought
my wish on a star
my every dream come true
it's you
Feb 2014 · 401
go green
jessika michele Feb 2014
recycled hearts
made up of bits and pieces
of parts that used to be
parts that fell apart
recycled love
all the bits that used to fit
but are never quite the same
Jan 2014 · 739
so they say
jessika michele Jan 2014
this piece
I wonder if its fits
I bet its covered a ton of lies
I miss that feeling
trusting
believing
knowing
we where made to be strong
I know we could have done this together
how long will it be
till I need something stronger
how long till I can no longer
hold myself together
toothpicks and duct tape
my only refuge
steel trap vulnerability
play dough self esteem
sweet longing, days without
to think
I thought I had found it
the taste has been burnt from my mouth
like taking a bite from the sun
its what happens
when you taste too much
get your fill
and left cold
dark and alone
"time heals all wounds"
so they say
jessika michele Jan 2014
after awhile you learn the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean possession
and company doesn't mean security
and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child
and you learn to build your roads today
because tomorrows ground is uncertain for plans
and futures have ways of falling down in flight
after awhile you learn that even sunshine
burns if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
and you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn....
This poem does not belong to me, I have no rights to it, the author is veronica a shoffstall circa 1971. I read this today and it rang so honest and heartfelt with my current situation in life, I wanted to share it and hope maybe it will touch someone else the way it touched me.
Jan 2014 · 579
awaiting the victor
jessika michele Jan 2014
there really is such a fine line between love and hate
as I sit here
im hating you
the tears that are leaking
have intentions of loving you still
my heart pounds
my insides swirl
theres a boxing ring somewhere in between
where the heart and brain duke it out
I watch from the stands
eagerly awaiting a victor
yet there is none
if this where chess
id be at a stalemate
........
its been three months
and im still here
awaiting a victor
of mind or heart
ill never forgive you
ill never stop loving you
this cycle is vicious
and wearing me thin
jessika michele Jan 2014
you're haunting me still
why?
vibrations from your exit still lingering in my bones
they crack and quake
grating against themselves
why aren't they healing?
these wounds that I have been so persistently nursing
why can I not mend myself of this?
the needle is too dull
the thread is fraying
alone in this room
with your ghost still sitting next to me
gently touching my hand, laying its head in my lap to play with its hair
smiling
laughing
a perception
not the reality
I keep my heart in a box under the bed
next to treasured memories of a memory
I want to burn it all
I want to give it back to you
I want to keep it
it makes me sick
when its dark I wish to travel to far away mystical places
dance among the stars on cotton candy roller skates
yet all I get is you
your face
fetal position, clenched jaws, toss and turn
tortured still
in a state meant for rest
dream catchers strategically placed
they're meant to save me from you
ward off and expel YOU
yet my soldiers of the night
my dream wardens
they're no match for the slyness of you
you slip through as if made of air and elegance
replaying all your proudest moments of my misery
ive never felt such indifference toward someone
I want you gone
out of my head
I wish I could peel you from my skin
wring you from my marrow
shed the skin of this serpent's memory
wake to a new day
finally feeling good
finally feeling anything
finally feeling
Dec 2013 · 458
now and forever
jessika michele Dec 2013
I used to be
the heart on my sleeve
all or nothing
this is me
kinda girl
but too many times
have people like you
carelessly brushed against it
let it fall
and leave it behind
NOT THIS TIME
NOT ANYMORE!!
ive picked myself up
off of your floor
holding my head high
ive tucked that last piece of me away
hidden in a hollow only I know how to find
locked up tight
away from light
painted this smile upon my face in the art of war
gently I glide
smiling
laughing
selfishly flaunting
how good it feels
to feel nothing
Dec 2013 · 1.5k
11*28*13
jessika michele Dec 2013
Guilt.
the only one who is guilty of anything is me.
of being naïve.
your treason was so exposed.
post cards, emails, text messages.
written in my own blood.
reminding me of how faithless I have become.
it was always present,
uncontrollable,
my love for your stigmata.
enraptured me.
I took it as my own.
Sociopath, NARCISSIST, insecure...
your transference worked so well.
for someone so stupid
you always seemed smarter
more mature
.
I was the only one being stupid.
falling for those sweet,
made up lines.
that took me
hook and sinker.
Dec 2013 · 423
STOP IT!!
jessika michele Dec 2013
stop showing up!!
in my dreams
in my head
into my thoughts
your ghost in my bed

STOP IT!
JUST STOP IT!

finding me in my friends
socially networking your sorrow back to me
"its like a person dying that was close to you"
but you cast the killing blow
you murdered me in your drive way
and now you're haunting me?!

how does that even work?
STOP IT!
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!
liar
pathetic
LIAR!
coward
LIAR!!!!
Dec 2013 · 745
losing it
jessika michele Dec 2013
its mornings like this one
that I wonder if I have a problem
slumped over
shaking
a symphony of heaves being shared with the porcelain
waking up next to someone I certainly shouldn't be
broke
and broken
bruised
curious little indications
that the night before
I was yet again out of control

its mornings like this one
I don't know that girl in the mirror
she's crass and careless
unwavering in her "i'm hard" demeanor
empty
with only the faintest of memories
of who she used to be
drowning in the onslaught of bubbling beverages
she does it to herself though
leaving me with the aftermath

its mornings like this one
id like to ****** that reflection
i'm just not that selfish
Nov 2013 · 870
Love=Puke
jessika michele Nov 2013
it starts out slow
uncertain
giving off that swirling, tumbling feeling
churning in the pit of your stomach
rushing anxiety
nervously sweating
heart racing
temperature rising
veins pulsing
till you know it's coming
Yes.
absolutely everything inside is about to come out
spew from my mouth
the thin lips that cannot contain it
make me vulnerable
weak
fragile and shivering
heaving
till the last bit of it has exited the vessel
maybe now ill feel better
maybe now it will stop
how fortunate for a virus
it can come up
be released
cured
but your name sticks in the back of my throat
gags me till my vision blurs
I wish you made me virally sick
I could puke and get it over with
you are terminal
a disease that just keeps growing
burrowing into the tissue and latching on
all I want to do is puke and get you out.
Nov 2013 · 968
no fucks
jessika michele Nov 2013
ive shunned that part of me
that stupid, ignorant heart of mine
that spot that knows you exist
I found my pain today
in my best friends eyes
his heart was breaking
and tore open my wounds like they belonged to him
he asked me not to cry
but supplied
my brain with memories
of pain
of losing you just the same
as he lost her
lies and deceit
the knife that took my life
dropped at my feet
watch it glisten
with the last light of love
flickering ever so gently
to a far off glow
and extinguished
he shunned his too
these stupid hearts of ours
what good are they anyway?
to life ever present
the blood flowing and pleasant
Pleasant?
what the **** does that even mean?
keep striving for the dream?
goals and achievement's and such?
I wish I could say
"I miss you this much"
but presently
I pleasantly
give no *****
Nov 2013 · 860
The lashes of a liar
jessika michele Nov 2013
was it just my imagination?
the fire in your eyes
the way you would slip your fingers so gently into my hair
to the back of my neck
and lay me down
the look in your eyes like no one else existed
it couldn't have been fake...

you...

memorizing my body
like your favorite piece of machinery
pulling off a part
working on it
....so thoroughly
till you believed it perfect
and put it back in place
working out all the kinks
fine tuning and revving

that had to be real....

the way you made me laugh
....so effortless
sitting by my side
saying everything with those beautiful eyes

that was real...
wasn't it??

the tears you gave me
I wish I would have bottled

just for proof
that there was something
....anything
...at one point
one brief moment in time
sitting in that restaurant
watching them well up
beneath the lashes of a liar

my one and only chance
for something to hold onto

that one real moment
ill never forget
but im sure you have

a ruse, a safe haven, a scape goat
your easy way out
the most beautiful lie
I love you.
Nov 2013 · 909
detox
jessika michele Nov 2013
I've never been so addicted. It made all the loud things a distant lull
as the background faded and blurred. All that was bright became a soft golden halo
that you wore so well. The only colors that mattered, the green in your eyes
the flush on your cheeks
the pearl white of the smile that stung so deep and caught my breath.
Injected further than veins. Dilating my pupils and exploring my brain.
Taking me to my darkest of depths and resurfacing to just barely breathe.
I sold my soul for a taste.
That utter bliss that kept me awake,
raging through the darkness with a match light torch.
My horse with no armor and no shield for my heart.
You gave me the purest of all the drugs.
Watched me slip, sink into your grip and carried me home.
Only to open me up and begin to sip,
from my fountain that flowed so freely.
You drank and drank and drank,
never stopped to see me.
The fire that burned so fierce,
that kept you warm and gave you peace,
is now but a fever of withdrawal.
The tears that flow,
every hour
no
every day
no
maybe once a week now
no
the shakes that have eased
the pain that flows and ebbs with sleep
the smile that comes a little more often now.
I'm getting clean you see.
The sick has almost passed.
This course of you, is running its last.
Oct 2013 · 767
fairy tales
jessika michele Oct 2013
can we just tell each other fairy tales?
feigning adventure that takes us beyond
and taste so real
how fantastic would that be

lets fabricate
assimilate
every inch of our subconscious

intertwine them
romanticize on the make believe
fall in love with oblivion

where innocence lives
and dances freely in the breeze
of  turquoise trees
under the watchful eye of night shaded clouds

sing to me with the voice I know you have
sing me the parable
of the princess you gave your life for

and maybe I can tell you the tale
of the mage who can bring you back
Oct 2013 · 576
Love Me Not (8-15-2009)
jessika michele Oct 2013
lost
in a field of daisies
a thousand he loves me
he loves me not's

the peasant in love with the prince

of course...

she watches
sitting on the fence
picking the petals
praying for the one
that says he loves her too

today
he loves her not

but she will come again
tomorrow and again
in her tattered dress
hair a mess
and find the one
that says he loves her too

she lets the wind carry away
over the grass
the memories
of all the days passed
that she sat on this fence

*he loves me, he loves me not
Oct 2013 · 525
Offering
jessika michele Oct 2013
Its not what you think it is
When I let you in
Into my head and thoughts
into my quirks and knots
into my bed
where your morals take over
and refuse my lust
you're the type of guy I should be with
but you dont understand that im wounded
still have yet to heal
wounds that I fill
with fire and alcohol
wounds that I ease
at the expense of you
its true
I don't really like you
but you can come over tonight
and get me high with finger tips and lips
teeth on hips and racing blood
just don't look too much into it
i'm ravenous, sanguinary
you're timid
weak prey
offering up a vein
Oct 2013 · 937
The Castle
jessika michele Oct 2013
King of the roaches
you are

With your crown of garbage
and your kingdom of filth

In your lazy chair throne
With a controller of realms
The crusader of Los Santos

No don't get up
don't dare lift a finger
ill come to you

and linger
counting the insects as they crawl across the wall
across the primitive artwork of a previous lover

three paces behind
close enough to see
to speak
to touch

far enough away
for if anyone saw
to pull away and dismiss

you need your freedom your highness?
is that all you wish?

please be my guest
to frolic with the trollop in the kitchen
or even the harlot
who's ruby red lips you so distastefully admire

take no notice
after your gallivanting
how quietly I have escaped the castle.
Oct 2013 · 717
alaska
jessika michele Oct 2013
you're always in the same kind of pain as I am
we always find each other
in loss
in pain
in raging alcoholic bliss

you've been a part of me for as long as I can remember

we can sing
we can dance
we can share the purest of emotion

but for some reason
WE
just never happen

all of our memories
can suffocate the simplest of minds

one of these days you'll take me away from this
from the longing of a soul
that's connected to mine

or maybe ill just be a stupid girl
for the rest of my life

shes going away

that girl that used to laugh

that girl that used to love

that girl that used to trust

she's slowly fading with each desolate day

stupid girl
Oct 2013 · 490
obviously
jessika michele Oct 2013
if you miss me
I would never know.

so here I sit
with my alcohol blood
and my nicotine breath

confused

I see you
and your silly thoughts
talking like words have value

you don't see me
and my words cost nothing
and I give them freely

to the one who never listens

to the one

the one

the only one

silly....I know

to be leaving my heart

I left it

lol I left it on a door step
how stupid

shakes head and laughs

the gay boy down the street loves me more then you

and for all of my negatives
I have two positives that make up for them

yet I only bleed for you.
how stupid.
Sep 2013 · 857
Young Knight
jessika michele Sep 2013
I wish you would grow up,
be the man you're pretending to be.
You're just a coward.
A scared little boy wearing men's armor.
I love you, I need you.
I need you to grow the **** up.
Im ready for more.
You're actions and excuses are proving that your tongue is false.
Painting pretty little pictures,
of what will be,
lol in my dreams, yeah.
I need you to make them come true.
Scared little boy wearing men's armor.
You're not ready for battle,
you can barely wield your sword.
Rise up and be a King and make me your Queen.
Not your hand maiden.
Sep 2013 · 521
swallow
jessika michele Sep 2013
Swallow it down.
Don't look at it,
don't taste it,
just swallow.
If it's bad,
it will come back up.
Writhing and severe,
from the depths we dare not speak of.
Or,
it will be good,
and settle.
Lead you never to wander.
Never a second thought,
a glance back.
It's in the space between,
the moment right before,
hanging in the precious balance.
Where everything and nothing collide and live.
Where you can swirl it around,
dissect it's every intention,
breath it in, and wonder.
and wander....and wonder...
Wonder what it is exactly?
That you're seeing?
Is it what they tell you it is?
Or is it what you perceive it to be,
with your own eyes?
Only one way to find out...
right?
Swallow...
and wait.

— The End —