The struggle to regulate emotion
Is difficult when they arrive as waves
But originate from an ocean
Trying to fold it all together
Like a beautiful origami
Unintentional suppression
Which culminates into a tsunami
That crashes down on your illusion
Bursting through the levy
And drowning in the confusion
Of self discovery
As vast as the universe within
A perplexing mystery
Inside of me
Searching for a place to begin
My quest
As I observe my ego
And balance the rest
When the tides cleanse the slate
Of internal distress accrued
Perhaps I'll wade amongst the water
And find the answer I've pursued.

I'm better off hitting rock bottom
All this constant lingering in the free falling downward spiral is agonizing torture
I reach for something to cling to and yet I'm still slipping, I can feel it
Once I secure myself in the depths of not sinking any lower I can begin to strategize my Ascension
When there's nowhere to go but up
My tendency towards a nihilistic disposition is a disheartening cynicism
And right now I just need something to believe in
No matter how temporary that belief may be.

If I were any more devoted to the illogical belief in you I could start a new religion
We'd hold belligerent masses every Monday since it's the worst day of the week and it seems suiting
We'd have commandments such as not to idolize another with the threat of impending self anguish for all of eternity
Zealots would come out of the woodwork like your adoring fans, each declaring their love for you is greater than the next
Skeptics would insist that the notion of you is false and scoff at those who believe otherwise trying to persuade us with cold hard facts as we gladly turn away in our blissful ignorance
We would hold on to our unwavering faith until our last breath in hopes of gaining some sort of favor in your eyes
Until we die and finally come to grips with the realization that it was all just a clever con instilled in our minds to control our every move in the joke we called our lives.
I realize all of this, I am aware my dear...though the heart is insistent on this blind devotion to your love.
I suppose I'm just as foolish as the rest.
Scoff.

Darkness slithers in like a snake again
And hisses the words
Hello my old friend
It makes its way to the belly of my fears
And rests in delight
At the sight
Of the sirens tears
Caught within the demons snare
It begins to constrict
As I gasp for air
A losing battle
For the more I fight
My vision gets blurred
And can't see the light
So now it seems
My only choice
Is to listen to
The hiss of its voice
Reluctantly I begin to abide
As the poison seeps in
To scorch my insides
It's okay I say
It'll be over soon
As I begin to give in
To the ominous tune
My soul revolts
In violent thrashes
A part of you must die
To rise from the ashes.

Deep down,
We always knew we didn't belong together.
Like oil and water, separate, yet floating along in unison.
I can see it now.
I was always water, bubbling along trying my best to uplift those around me and nourish their souls with my vital compassion and generosity, springing new life into every crevice that lay in my path.
But then you came along, and covered me with your toxic love. It was thick and all consuming, slowly killing all the life force within. With arrogance you spread infectiously throughout my mind until the only thought I had was you. Once in a while the sun would shine upon you and I was in awe at the magnificence of your shimmering beauty as if for a moment, I thought I saw the real you, but it was merely a facade. A clever predatory disguise to mask the horrors of your deadly true self.
Pretentious description, maybe.
But since that fire was started I've been trying my hardest to burn away every trace of you from the surface. Hopefully in time your toxins will evaporate from my body and life will begin to flourish once again.
Until then I will wade along, watching patiently as the evidence of your oil spill dissipates into clarity once again.

A walking contradiction
Speaking truth but living fiction
Chasing these words
An unrelenting addiction
Write it, just write it out
Find a connection
The lines must overlap
To explain this infection
Of incessant poetic streams
In search for direction
It seems my spirit
Needs a resurrection.