1.
my hands won't stop shaking, and I like to pretend it's
because they are filled with the stardust of your words
and infused with the chemicals of your skin
2.
you haven't spoken to me in weeks and haven't touched
me in even longer
3.
I also pretend that the twinkling lights all around
represent each of our promises
4.
in a few days' time, the lights will be gone and put away
(an echo of our plans)
5.
I see you in the glint of sunlight on the cornfields and the
glow of the moon when I'm still awake at three in the
morning and the ***** of the mountains that trap us in this
town together and in the curve of my own lips
6.
the lips that I'm starting to believe you didn't think about
kissing as much as I thought about kissing yours
7.
most of all, I see you in the emptiness of the fog each
morning
8.
I have to stop myself from thinking your name
9.
all my plans must be scratched out of my
furnishings and a new layer carved on
10.
I'm scared because I don't know how to be me
without you

people always seem astonished
when others take their pain
and make it into art

"she took something terrible
and turned it into something beautiful,"
they say

they do not understand that for those artists,
it is the only way

that to take the paintbrush, the camera, the pen
and try to express
the horrible things that are in their heads
is the only way they can hope
to escape their demons and feel safe in their beds

they do not understand
that the pained and the afflicted
do not turn their pain to art
so it can be sugarcoated
and underappreciated

people need to understand
that others take their pain
and turn it into art
to make it go away

you called me for the first time
at one in the morning
you laughed and told me I was beautiful
and that you loved me

then you lowered your rough voice to a whisper and said,
"i'm drunk," making my heart sink to my stomach
and then to the floor when you finished off with,
"who am I speaking to?"

Tuesdays are my
good days
safe days
happy days

they are the most routine,
the most reliable,
the steadiest

when I wake up and know that
I will go to school
and will have my lightest workload
of the week
and therefore the least stress

and then after school
I will go to piano lessons
run some errands
then go to the library
to pick up a few books to read that week
and later, go to youth group

but both this week and last,
as I stepped into my favorite part of routine,
I was met by your cold black eyes
looking at me from between the bookshelves
and the awful sensation that lingers afterward for so many hours

I'm beginning to think Tuesdays aren't so safe anymore.

here's the thing:
I know I am needy and jealous,
and my skin is only pretty in the summer,
and my hair frizzes more often than not,
and my nose is too big for conventional beauty

I know that I talk funny a lot,
and my body is disproportionate
(just like my music taste),
and I never really know what I'm talking about,
and my hands are always cold and clammy

I know that I apologize too much (sorry),
and that I usually make a big deal out of nothing,
and that I usually look angry,
even when I'm happy

I know that my exuberance is hard to handle,
and that I am easy to disappoint
and easy to be disappointed in,
and that I lose motivation too quickly,
and that my smile is too often late and clumsy

I know all these things aren't so great,
(and I know of many more),
but I know that
I am caring and loyal
and my skin gets tan
and warm and filled with sunlight
and my eyelashes are long and full
and when I smile for real,
it is sincere and warm and genuine

I know that I hold myself to higher standards,
and that I get very passionate about little things,
and that I read a lot more than most

I know that I am compassionate and considerate,
and find happiness in the smallest details

And I know that I am hardworking
(when I need to be),
but I also know how to relax,
and I can handle my own burdens
(as well as some of yours)

so between the pros and cons,
I hope someone will someday
find it in their heart
to fall in love with me
as I have done with you

A semicolon
Is the symbol for something
That should have ended
But didn't
So what is the symbol
For something that ended
But shouldn't have?
I will search for this symbol
And when I find it
I will send it to you
A thousand times
In hopes that you will
Understand