I often wonder
if anyone has ever glanced at me
out of the corner of their eye
over and over again
because they didn't want to stare
but weren't able to look away

I wonder who, if anyone, has ever
caught their breath before
it even entered their lungs
because they thought they saw my curls
and was disappointed
because it was not me

I wonder if anyone's heart
has ever skipped a beat
because I smiled at them
or was driven insane
by my casual actions
and was dying to let me know
that for them,
everything was anything but casual
when it came to me

and I wonder if anyone
has ever sat in their room
with all the lights off
listening to love songs
and my name running through their head

I wonder
if anyone has ever
felt the way I do
about you

how is it that something so simple
as a glimpse of you smiling and turning away
can send my heart into a frenzied pace?

this is dumb
and I am dumb
and I do not know why
but I cannot stop myself from
tumbling deeper and deeper into
this pit of intense emotions towards
you, and only you, and I do not understand
why I can't control myself, why I can't
stop thinking about the way it
might feel when you touch
my face or when I hold
your hand
please
stop
me

winter is the loneliest season

because with every day
the fog of my breath becomes clearer
-a reminder that i have no one to share it with-

and every day
my hands grow colder
-a reminder that i have no one to hold them-

and every day
becomes more beautiful
-a reminder that i have no one to appreciate it with.

can't you tell
I haven't been feeling well?

the circles under my eyes
grow deeper and darker by the day
and I fear they will never go away

my mouth feels pulled into an everlasting frown
and my eyelids pulled so I'm
always looking down

I hardly ever speak
and laugh even less
do you really not
see my distress?

Last night I found an old poem to you-
all it said was,

"I love you
I love you
I love you"

It hurt to see those words
written down
so I grabbed a pen
and changed it to the truth-

"I hate you
I hate you
I hate you"

two minutes go by quickly
when it's a song
a page in a book
a look at the sky
or a scene in a movie

two minutes go by slowly
when it's a car ride
a stop light
or the space between words

two minutes go by like lightning
when it's a roller coaster
or a breathless confession

two minutes are an eternity
when i'm waiting for your voice
to reassure me that you are still alive