As I stand
here in the center of the city
surrounded by flashing lights,
I feel the earth move beneath my feet.
The rotation slows down.
I see all the bright lights dim, then
disappear.

I look back,
I see the whole world crumble
The beautiful world I once knew,
slipping away
into a vast eternity
of nothingness.
All color slips away
until all that's left is
a never ending sea of grey.

This is no silent tear,
nor a tortured, screaming pain.

This world, once
so beautiful
now nothing.

I stumble my way through hasty shadows
mumbling worthless little thoughts to myself.
I see things fall
but I don't pick them up,
there is no one around for correction

You don't get to pick your ending,
your ending picks you.

All the thoughts flow,
through the ink of my pen
onto the paper of my notebook.
Gracefully,
like a dove
soaring across the sky.
The words i leave are special to me
though they may not seem like it for you.
Each word is a snap shot of my heart
and together they create a story.
i let my thoughts fly free
and onto the paper they fall.
They spill out into the world
to be found and maybe enjoyed
by the people who happen to stumble upon it.
but no matter what people think
i will keep writing.
writing is my passion,
its how i express myself.
The pen is my tool
and the words i leave have meaning
there is truth within every letter.
whether my words are light or dark,
they can be beautiful if i chose

I shuffle my way into the kitchen,
suicidal thoughts running through my head
"you're worthless"
"you're stupid"
"you're ugly"
Thats the only thing I hear.

I grab the sharpest blade from the drawer
slit  slit  slit
It hurts
but at the same time
it feels amazing.
I need to stop
but I can't.
drip  drip  drip
My blood splatters onto the floor,
with every cut
more and more blood
trickles down.
This is so relieving.
The knife is cutting out every insult,
abolishing all of my glitches.
all of my failures are replaced with integrity.
I feel as if I were new.

With this knife,
I'm going to carve a better me.

You say
I'm the one
who ruined
you.

You must be
pretty weak.

Or maybe...

I'm just too
strong.

There's only one thing I see
Black.
There seems to be only one thing
Black.
The blackness goes on and one
Always
     Endlessly
          Infinitely
               Permanently
BLACK
Forever black.

I hardly remember colors.
I sort of remember red
kind of green or maybe it was blue
how would i know,
i can't remember what color went with what name.
maybe it was yellow or pink or orange
or white.
white.
the opposite of black.
what a luxury
an unappreciated luxury
to see the opposite
of black.
what a luxury
to see anything
other than
black.

black.
thats the only color i'm certain of.
i see it all the time.
i wake up
black.
i try to walk
black.
i do nothing
black.
i go to sleep
black.
and the cycle repeats
day
after day
after day
the cycle repeats.

Black.
it's boring
and i'm sick of it
but it's all i have.
black.

I see the pain in her eyes,
All the hurt,
And the agony
She wears like a coat.
The sorrow is constantly nagging at her,
Telling her to give up.

I see all the scars,
The evidence.
The truth is hidden from her,
All the lies they tell
Gets her confused.
She doesn't realize.

I see a little girl,
Who has a broken life
Because of their actions.
A little girl
Who had to grow up to fast.

Everything she went through
Is circling around her,
Waiting to sting like a bee.
All the memories come flooding back,
But she tries not to let them show.

I remember seeing her.
So broken.
So scared.
So alone.
I try to forget the thought.
I try not to think about it.
I try to hide the image in my head,
Won't let it show
....like my scars