eyes fogged red
crisp air, dead--dry as my
calm, cold skin
supersaturated thoughts
slowly condensing
I watch as they fall
I fall
I fell
afraid to glance towards the mirror
eyes widened
eyes fogged red

Today I heard it from a different voice
I couldn't utter a word
Dead silence--it wasn't by choice
I connected as I heard

I listened to what she had to say
Each sound striking me--cringing--my emotions blurred
My thoughts began to decay

Today I heard it from a different light
And here I am--in the dead of night
my only option seeming to be
to write

They told me there was a chance
It would be this way
For the rest of my life
That it was a possibility
It would be like this
Forever
I would stay this way
For the rest of my life

They told me that it was something
I couldn't control
That the only thing left was acceptance
But I can't accept--
And never will accept--
To accept what?
To accept the only thing holding me back
Is myself
How can something inside me
Something that is me
Keep myself hostage

They told me it would help
That it would help me
Help me fight this illness
Each morning I have to ask myself
If my sickness is what I want to be
Or just a slave to a bottle
Every night one
Each day three
They say embrace who I am
What I know I'll never be
Because I know I'll never be free

Im thankful because they told me so
They told me they love me
I told them thank you

a kind of darkness
  so fluid
  it wraps around you
  confining every step
  and every thought

a kind of darkness
  so dense
  your legs—tired
  eyes becoming weak
  you can feel the light linger beyond your grasp
  you know you’ll never see it

a kind of darkness
  so vivid
  you can’t escape
  the taste of blood encompasses your senses
  and you’ll never come to accept it

a kind of darkness
  so true
  the only light you know
  was just a shadow

thoughts melted
dripping on my conscious
little splashes trickle out my mouth
as if they were lost

stuck in sizzling shadows of
others' brightness and
luminosity
my shimmer dimmed by
slowly simmering sadness
approaching animosity

the sleepless nights I can address
as angst consumes my throat
not a whisper to pronounce
scrambled thoughts lies hope

yearning for a life of hope
rather than this fear
Wholeheartedly
I claim to understand
the difference between a raindrop
and a tear

a summertime day
the clouds of most delight
when I asked a blind man
if he believed
in love
at first sight

your eyes crisp like
an arctic wind
of refreshing allure
you've captivated me

I want you the same way
  I want air for breath
or life for death

basking in the
penumbra of your
riveting touch

your touch tastes of sweet maple candies and smells of rain clouds

rippling blessings
from gusts of bliss

Encompassing love floods my psyche
lost in an empty dream

your beauty crashes towards the shore as restless waves from a roaring ocean roar
   beauty
     you're beauty; floating like the sun

towering trees
above my head
I want to be like them
little tears
my eyes, they bled
planted
like a dead rose stem

words aren't meant to be read
nor heard neither spoken
they're meant to be felt
never just merely mediums
words can never be broken

a picture's worth a thousand words
everyone's heard that phrase
but a word is worth a million more
and for this reason, words I do praise

you make me tremble in my very skin
you break me down
  from within

don't talk to me
  don't utter a word
you're the source
  of my dismal
    more than anything
I've ever heard

consistently berating me,
  can't you see I want some time alone
    yet you confront me
  still hostile
    like some type of
unanswerable
  telephone

recently it
  occurred to me
how every flower
  and every tree
must live together
  in harmony
despite distress
  they must agree
simply because
  they cannot flee
the other perspective
  they have to see
in order to have
   pristine beauty

now, you can leave
  head for the sea
and ill stay here
  with my cup of tea
because maybe
  we weren't meant to be
and you might think
  to some degree
that you could be my
  Annabel lee