I like it when I bleed,
the warmth tells of being alive.
The same way that hanging,
teetering on the edge of crumbling cliffs
makes me want to live.
Is this why I do dumb things?
Because I don't try to hurt me or die anymore.
Maybe I hope I might hurt or die,
and then want to cling on,
for a little while longer.
Did something dull today.
In a small way.
Didn't get hurt  (much) or die.
climbed a tree.
Found I still cannot fly.
Didn't hurt,
honest.
******.

You try to fly on others light,
or use them to carry you,
like a burr on a lamb's fleece.
You try to cloud my mind,
tell me how many failed you,
and fail you still.
I  fail, fail to be seduced.
By your narcissistic tales.
I want to love people.
I fear to love people.
I almost like you.
I will be nice to you.
But never say those things,
about  people who matter.
I bear a torch for those I love.
And I will burn you.

Something is coming.
Not so far away,
closer now,
than yesterday.

Waiting for the scratching,
or the rattled glass.
Keep praying for my guides.
They  stand fast.
A thought puts Them with me.

but It senses my doubt,
my fears.
Then, from the cold,
It will arrive,
in Guise often new.
But with fears that are old.

Vague, dreadful.
Indistinct, threatening.
I know how to keep them out.
So far, learnt well.
But I need my side,
all those beyond compare.
Help battle my hell.

Tonight I sleep with lights ,
If I sleep at all,
pray the pills kick in and,
tomorrow, I will stand tall.
For a little while.

Something is coming.

This year things changed.
I changed,
change or die.
Some choice,
almost got it wrong.
One welcoming voice.
Kind and strong.
Pebbles start avalanches.
Smiles and hugs mend sad hearts.

This week, some special friends,
said "I love you."
A baby, a girl, women, men.
****, getting insecure again,
I don't deserve this love.
But they beat my barriers down.
A smile, love, a human touch,
a thing that means so much.

So I try not to hide,
or turn dead inside.
Make my heart and my eyes a guide,
to the Angels and aliens in the skies.

Of humanity.

They mean so much to me.
And those left from before,
I just feel for all the more.
So happy now, sitting here.
But I can feel looming  fear.
But they will conquer it for me,
with a smile.

Would you choke him as he swallows you,
bleed all over him as he chews.
Right through.
Or run as soon as he comes in sight,
winter day or summer flight.

I thought they might drown,
ran forward, looked down.
Right down.
And ran as soon as they came in sight.
Winter day, winter fright.

Been there since, looked around.
Where the cliffs  slid to the ground.
Could have bled, rocks  swallowing me,
so I thank Cwn Du for setting me free.

Deep in the woods, cold sun on His face.
Trying to find a hiding place where He is safe.
From Him. Frisk myself.
No knife, no pills, no bleach or drugs,
just cold to crawl into.
Like a frozen barren womb that has,
as the last act of its painful life
barred my return to the warm.
That warmth is so close, an hours walk,
a quicker ride, ***** it, hide!
They're asking Him in but stay outside.
They will get through,
no circle keeps the good ones out.
He thinks he hears singing,"we're going to get you,
make you warm, make you smile,
for a while.."
He will just lie here and listen for the deer,
just for a little while more.
Just long enough to be so ill,
maybe then He can hide again.

She owes them nothing yet she still goes home,
squalid glances all they can give, the walking dead,
each one  fallen away from her respect or love.
The way wet filth falls from a  city sky,
but the moon and stars still shine above.

Soiled but inviolate, not marred by callous scorn,
no dreams of pulled triggers, not anymore.
Tonight is the last.
Tomorrow will come.
Tomorrow she will fly beside Angels.