I got it all wrong,
I know I did.

I see now that every time I assume something
about you
and your actions,
I am wrong.

I assumed you were apathetic;
I was wrong.
I assumed you were distracted;
I was wrong.

Now I'm assuming that you're coming back
(Oh God! please tell me it is so)
but can't help but think I'm wrong.

I've written three poems tonight,
and each one ended up in my waste basket.
Sometime after writing the third,
and giving up for the night
I realized what was wrong.

I wasn't writing about you.

He told me not to waste my breath.
You'll never be but second best.
Third best,
fourth best;
worse than the rest.

I'll cut off your right hand,
**** you to **** with the left.
Squeezing your **** 'till there's nothing left.

Hell yeah,
he's got swag  
he bought it from a man
who called him a ***.
In a little bag
he gave him so crack
But no! It slipped from his hands
down a storm drain
never to be seen again.

A war story is what he sold
"I spotted the ****** in a churches bell tower,
squeeze the trigger, one two, one two,
******* insurgents,
they never win,
****** to hell and all that's therein."

The devil would do anything for one last hit,
he lives in my veins, he don't give a ****.

He's a stranger, from out of town,
selling drugs to kids, dressed like a clown.
The cops chase him out but the damage is done,
but hell ******* yeah, the kids are having fun.

This isn't art,
this garbage is about poetic as the rez
I'm scrapin' from my pipe,
doing anything to get high.

The grass is greener on the other side,
you know it is,
my only question is with what they fertilize it with.
*******? GMO's? Something equally as destructive,
it's the truth, you know it is
*******, you say?
Bulltruth is what it is,
like it or not,
it is what it is.

I'm better.
Better than I was
two months ago,
a year ago.

I'm worse.
Worse than I was
two days ago,
a month ago.

I'm trying,
to stop using
people and substances.

Oh! the same old song:
Chorus:
People and substances x 4
First Verse:
Using until I've used all there is,
Trying until I've tried my best,
Using until I've used the remainder of this,
Trying until I've tried the rest.
Chorus
Second Verse:
Some days go slow
and some go fast.
So days are mellow
and some are brash.
Chorus
Drum break
Third Verse:
Using until there's nothing left
Trying hard, but it ain't my best
Stolen: Integrity!
Reward for information regarding theft.
Chorus
Repeat chorus with slowing tempo
and volume until song fades
into misshapen and misplaced drums.

Looking on the ground,
under ***** socks
and empty cigarette packs,
I found my lighter.

I need it, I told myself
to **** the feelings that are coming up.

But no.
I wasn't running from the feelings,
I was trying to get high
so I could handle them.
So I could cope with them.
So I could **** with them
and shoot dope with them

You said you crave attention.

I'm prepared to give you all the attention you could ever need,
yet you pretend you don't hear me knocking.

Why?

Are you afraid of the feelings I have for you?
You don't understand.
I have had these feelings always, they are nothing new.
Are you afraid of losing me because they are not reciprocated?
You don't understand.
I have had these feelings always, and they have never been reciprocated.
The only way I will give up is if you continue what you're doing.

You're pushing me away and i'm tired of trying to catch up.

You're too busy with work you say,
yet you go to parties with him.
You're too busy with school you say,
yet you always have time for him.

I'm not jealous because you kiss him,
i'm jealous because he is stealing you from me.