oh so youre the self-righteous
eyelid that closed overtop my iris
and blackened out my background
til my slackened eye was blinded?
well i've got news for you i truthfully decided
i'm not just gonna lie down where this virus has resided
i'm not the pitiful parasite you thought you were fightin
but i'm probably the person you partially have pride in
and i wont stop the slaughter til the waters are divided
til you're ******* up the sand on your own deserted island

i seized the day
and ended up in seizure pains
where a heated fever reigns
and eats my brains like beaten eggs
feverishly fried
on a stovetop of lies
where you drove off the side
of a cliff and broke off the ties
and that's it i quit
i've dusted off my hands
and trusted your demands
til i was crushed like a cardboard can

there's a color in my heart that cannot be created
using pastels or pencils
it could never be painted
darker than black
more angry than red
much brighter than white could aspire to have been
more alive than green
but deader than grey
like purple but harder to wash it away
blue with more hurting
brown but more *****
orange with much stronger emotions there burning

dilate my eyes
let me see things as they are
give me more light to work with
push me past the invisible wall
where gravity has no hold
& i'm truly free
to embrace the crevices of my mind
in that dark escape where the sane seldom step
to chase that tiny ray of light
flashing signals of truth
to be deciphered
but i'm too weak to hold the beam
i still can't grasp
at god's design

i will say i will see you tomorrow someday
& slice & carve the hardened clay
until molten emotions rise & flow away
& all around me sounds decay
& all the sights dim & rise then fade
until i’m left fighting this white abyss
while my cognitions give in & commit
to rearrange the big bang of my existence

i miss the love i took for granted
the us neglected just cuz i had it
dismissed affection, look what happened
too intent on revenge to even grasp it
until its too late
i used to do things
that made me ashamed
to bear this ****** name
but i'm not the same
not a spiteful rival
i finally found change
but had to lose my title
& fail the trials
had to touch the bottom
to finally smile
i had to face the fires of hell
before i could aspire to do well
though i don't understand
the shape of god's hand
ill still try to change his scheme
to become a better me

pull on my preterite
volatile verbs
i lay every letter for you
inches of ink
morph into miles
stretching out far to find truth

soft-spoken syllables
tongue-licking treachery
now i constantly keep my mouth shut
linking up lips
ill eat with my eyes
but you'll never forget what i've done