father, son, & holy joke
down on knees i clearly spoke
my palms pressed together tight
i split my lips & closed my eyes
i told the stars of all my stress
& asked the black sky for guidance.

it said "my son, be not naive
i cant help those who dont believe
though i visit you in dreams
the only time you speak to me
is when your mind is weak with grief."

i was startled by the martyr's words
it spoke the truth of what occurred
the one that knows what true wealth is
sees my every need as selfish
& so i responded, basically,
"but where, my lord, is your faith in me?"

& so the water
flows unaltered
time kept falling
no one caught her
lakes were made
of great mistakes
as all the problems
popped in place
& the bubbling stream
floats driftwood dreams
from desperate needs
to reality

red was just a color that
bled through my brain's crevices
painted my dead retina
with slippery crimson messages
a filter for my frigid eyes
rejected all the other lies
until that color lined my sight
the only crayon ever craved
enveloped my swelling head
no telling how that ****** shade
sutured up my silly pain

i don't know if i can go on like this
with a gunshot wound
deep inside my chest
and have to just try and pretend
it wasn't you
not your gunpowder laced lips

we all know what a bullet does
when it pierces bone
when it travels through your lungs
so my mouth collapses shut
empty air just flows
and silences my tongue

so you've finally done with words
what you couldn't do
with hands & blades & burns
and now i will never stir
i'll just think of you
as my skin absorbs the dirt

you say you're doing your best
to cure my disease
but don't you ever forget
you gave it to me.
so you're an animist
you dance with the trees
but took my confidence
& put it to sleep.
so it hibernates
for years while you
try to save face
with somebody new
& you clothed yourself
in mindless ***
& said you felt
where there was nothing left
& when the two of you died
you fell first
then i reached six feet inside
& pulled you up from the dirt
so now i walk with the dead
& it curves my lips
the promises we kept
are all that still lives.

my sharpened ****** fingertips
i used to burst your veins
i hold up to your loosened lips
as your hearing fades away

the crimson-colored cutting blade
i used to gouge your eyes
now peels the skin from off your face
to make a mask of ***** lies

a hundred dripping needles
i dropped into your skin
are now a hundred tiny tunnels
a lost highway for your sins

one sullen screaming bullethole
that traveled through your head
is a bookmark for the thoughts you stole
that you'll never think again

lifelessly living
drenched in the blood
of forgotten memories

you heartless bag of bones
i'm just another meal
on your diet of dying souls

this disgusting vessel
i'm piloting
will never find its place in love