boys who aren't worth the breath you use to say their name.

go take up someone elses time.

I have too much to live for to waste my time on you.

I deserve more, so I demand more.

I caught myself today. I almost could have missed it. "I'm always happy to see this person, I have to smile bigger or they'll know something is wrong." But I didn't feel like smiling, or being happy. Because I dont feel like I am where I belong, like I fit here. Or that anyone else seems to realize that.

I dont write as much as I used to.
Not because I don't have as much to say.
But because I've found that I no longer have
to write in rhymes to find reason.
Because the truth is, I'm happy.

B.A.
JCM 2014 ©

Alone.

you know its spring
when the chill of winter

releases the song of the finch
with the ripples of joyous paean.

when the robin from her nest
does her up-down dance

on the miry ground in search
of those that creep and crawl

when mud awakens
from its solidified slumber
to splash rampantly about

when children peel layers
to run under the cobalt sky

JCM © 7/10/13

In fighting for you
I lost.

I lost the most important
thing worth fighting for
I lost myself.

No longer, carefree, fun loving.
not even close to happy.
I was a mess.

I was hurt, angry, scrambling to retain
anything from us that I could.
I didn't understand.

I looked at myself, I didn't understand what I was
doing, who I was becoming.
I still don't.

I look at you, why did you do what you did
and who did you become because of it
Do you know.

I look at us. and I realize. there is no us.

There is a you, and there is a me and to each
other that is all there can ever be.

Will we ever be happy, without us.

JCM ©  7/11/13

I can never forget how you made me feel, you made me feel
hurt, abandoned, rejected.

That kind of heartache drove me to anger. I wanted to hate you. And not just what you did
to me, I wanted to hate everything about you.

But that is not me.
  
The agony of hating would have been worse than that caused by loving someone who didnt
love in return. I couldn't do it.

I would rather be alone and loving you, than alone and hating you.

I am a lover not a hater.

I am also a fighter, and I fight for what I love and I loved you.

Thats why I fought so hard.

I fought to keep you.

To save us.

To save what I thought was worth it.

Because our love, however hopeless and impossible it was.

Was everything to me.

JCM 2013 ©

in my hands I hold
the remains of a gift
once freely given
and received unprotestingly

this gift, the only thing worth
giving. pure, whole.
the only thing to offer.
given willingly, prayerfully,
trustingly.

it was meant to be cherished
respected, protected.
nurtured and grown.

then my trust was betrayed,
broken, abandoned

now I feel I can never,
ever let someone promise to
cherish and protect me

for now I find
that all that remains,
are remains

JCM 2013 ©

What becomes of love when it is old
when it is old it is as a desirable lace
intricate and woven with time, highly
desired and coveted by all

What becomes of love when it is new
when it is tender and delicate, as a
newly sprouted blade of grass. pushing
through hardship and growing roots

What becomes of love when it is spurned
when it is spurned it becomes as ash or a
snowflake. easily crushed or blown away
by the winds of hurt and defeat

What becomes of love when it is embraced
when it is embraced it is a fire, not the kind that
scorches or chars. but the kind that engulfs your
soul and glows with the happiness only it can bring

JCM 2013 ©

You are the one who can lift me,
from the mire we have caused

A swamp of words, lies and broken promises
shared with each other, others and none

How can we, who were united, stand opposite?
Throwing between us all we once loved

We are the creators of the void between us,
day by day filling it with invisible pain

Pain, to tear asunder the very pillars
on which we once stood regarding the world

Yet even pillars of marble can falter,
when all they have to stand on is mire
disguised as lies and broken promises


JCM 2012 ©

12/13/12

Gently, softly, strong, powerful
giving life to the immovable.
As a puppet with an invisible puppeteer
moving graceful arms, suspended in air.
Running through its leafy green fingers
shaking its sleepy limbs, bending, twisting.
Rippling like a pianists hands over dormant keys
gone as quickly as it appeared.


JCM 2011 ©

Leaves contort and curl,
the life retreating from them.

Returning to the mother core,
which brought them forth.

Leaves contort and curl,
the life retreating from them.

Returning to the ground,
the mother, which brought them forth.


JCM 2011 ©

You see right through me,
as though through a glass.

Unnoticed, ignored, invisible.

But I have flesh and blood,
I feel love, joy, pain like you.

Unnoticed, ignored, invisible.

You forget my name, repeatedly
mention someone else's

Unnoticed, ignored, invisible,

you tall a lot of smack
but when it boils down
you've hurt someone
you can never have back

Insensitivity can be forgiven
but only if its recognized,
apologized for.

Unnoticed, ignored, invisible.

My heart is as big as the western skies
but even a pin hole can drain such as I

I deserver better treatment than this
I demand better treatment than this
In the end, I will get better treatment
that this.

Unfortunately for you, respect goes both ways.
and I do not give what i don't receive.

I wont let you treat me as Invisible.

JCM 2011 ©

6/19/2011

sleep is peaceful
restful, forgetful
momentarily eternal
laying in a position of
welcomed surrender
escapeing time and space.



JCM 2011 ©

April 2, 2011

Touching
in a single motion

Capturing
my entire focus

Spinning
the world around us

Stoping
times endless cage

Grasping
the sudden glimmer

Glistening
in your soul

Hoping
the heart within me

Burning
kept hopes and dreams

Longing
eyes now bewitched  

Spiraling
all former passion

Blinking
a moments end

Turning
the moment passed

Touching
in a single motion

Turning
the moment passed





*JCM © 5/24/2011

there is magic in it
the touch of my hand
to the roof of this room

feeling the power
the thunderous power
the down pouring power

of a river coursing
down the other side
tingling in my palm

vibrating through
asphalt and wood
through bone and marrow

into my open soul
letting it drink, drink of the
life heaven pours



JCM ©
*C.B 5/19/2011

Had I known
what I know
Had I felt
what I feel
Had I loved
the way I
now love

I might still have you

If you knew
what I know
If you feel
what I felt
If you love
the way I
loved

You might still have me

But, we didn't know what we aught
We didn't feel what we aught
We didn't love as we aught

Both alone, we shall always be.
Because our love has come to naught.

Nine years ago tomorrow, a child came into my life.
for nine years, I have watched him grow, cry, laugh, learn.
I was the first one he walked to, the last one he hugged
goodnight so he could get tickled one last time.
All the worries of my life seem to disappear
when I look into those blue curious eyes.
So I wish I could be with you, tomorrow
will be the first time I havnt been the one
to wake you up and wish you a happy birthday.
But know, I am there with you in my heart of hearts.
I love you Justen C. March.

Easy to cover up disguise
and hide, my favorite colors
and shades mixed inside

Blacks, purples and blue
left from the person I thought
I knew

Push me away and try to
forget, But only one of us
is filled with regret

I loved you, I'm not ashamed.
I cannot, will not retract what
I've named

Do you claim 'Out of sight out
of mind? only a true fool is
that blind

Distance cannot eclipse
the memory of the promise
felt on your lips.

Where does the innocence
of childhood go?

a time when mom was
all it took to sooth life's sorrows

when rocks and trees were
the foundations of our
imaginary castles

when we used hugs and kisses
as our currency of choice.

was your best friend was the one
with pigtails who you just meet
on the swings?

or was he the one who no one
seemed to like, but always made
you smile.

how is it that we've lost this part
of our being?

does it flee with the passing
of time? or the coming of age?

does it retreat due to a compromised
simplicity? or does it surrender to
newer and grander things

some it seems are able to retain
a sliver of their youth and
have that eternally vibrant glow.

but are they not frowned upon by
those of us who grew up too soon?

A blush
the tell tale sign,
of feelings held
deep inside.

A stolen glance
a longing look,
to the one in front of you
as they walk away.

The reckless thoughts
of a mind impassioned,
the path chosen
perhaps not by choice.

But who would
choose to betrothe
one's heart to another.

Are not all attachments
accompanied by pain, sorrow,
heartbreak and betrayal?

Only the bravest and
most brazen of us dare
face the plunge of fate
that we call love.

However gently, be it in a letter
or conversation.
When the words of rejection fade,
all that is left is the sting.
Despite your efforts, aspirations,
dreams, hopes, even the way you feel.
The knowledge of being spurned cuts
deeper than any broadsword, cutlass or saber.
Along with that person you lose your
desire to change or grow.
You wish everything to remain the same
as before, hoping by some miracle, he
will return.
Then your mind returns to reality
and all that is left is the sting.

Who will create tomorrow?
Is it the leaders of today?
The ones who reach, posses
Overachieve?

Is it the dreamers
For whom the beauty of imagination
Is what springs hope for the future.

Is it the followers?
The ones who believe in
Others ambitions and dreams?

Is it the pessimists?
Those who treed on
The hopes, dreams and
achievements of others?

Who do you think it is?

Perfection comes in many forms,
Trees that grow crooked,
leaves with veins, cracks and spots.
The flower who's petals arent
the right shade to be considered suitable.
A boy with one green eye and one blue.
If you look closely you can see,
what some would call an anomaly.
But what some would deem a flaw
I see as Perfection.
To me you were just that,
Perfection with the flaws of life.


11/15/10

The pursuit of tomorrow starts with the dreams of today
a breath of anticipation, a glance of hope.
the squeeze of a hand letting you know regardless
of outcome, I will be there for you.

I will never regret loving you,
but I will always regret losing you.
I will not regret the countless letters,
but I will regret the memory of them.

The Unregrettable part about regrets,
is that at one point, the thing we now regret,
was the one thing we wanted most.



*11/14/2010

Love tis not a thing,
bound by time or space.

You cannot send it away,
nor invite it in.

It is not coached,
nor guided by a map.

It can grip the soul,
with fear or hope.

Sleepless nights,
full of anguish and tears,
are its furthest friends,
and closest enemies.

Yet dreams of "could be",
spur it onward.

It conquers that which,
none other can.

Death, Time, Pain,
Love is the healer of all.

JCM 2009

When i'm with you,
colors cease being colors,
they become a vibrant expression
of my love for you.
blues are wide,
greens are deep,
yellow is constant,
red is eternal.

My beating heart, torn to shreds
beats only for you.

Once you were,
the reason for its beat.
now you are the reason,
for its agonizing defeat.

How can one muscle,
hold on so long.
even when from my sight,
you have forever gone.

Tears have dried,
but my heart still bleeds.

Every moment from which
you are missing,
I feel myself tearing.

Falling, lost, wondering.
two as one we were,
connected in mind, heart,
essence.

Estranged my soul now is.
wondering forever it calls
to the half so brutally torn.

Its tattered arms wave,
reach, stretch,
attempt closure to the
immeasurable.

Seared, scorched, beaten
faithful to the end.

It will carry on.
My beating heart, torn to shreds.


*JCM 11/10/10