I told him he wasn't my father
and that he couldn't ever be him.

He said he knew he couldn't replace him
But that he is more of a father
Than Kurt (my real father) would ever be.

I never apologized to him, my dream father
He told me I hurt his feelings
And that he wasn't mad just upset.

He is my father, my dream father,
And I realize it now more than anything.

Being punctured by him physically
Was just the beginning of my misery.

I tell my mother that he almost did
But in reality it really happened, and I was just a kid. (7 years old)

If people knew the truth about it
They'd feel sorry for me and say it wasn't my fault.

When it first happened nobody believed
However, telling my mother 3 years ago and her believing made me relieved.

Even my sister and close cousins thought I was lying
So I grew tired and gave up trying.

If you look hard enough you'll find
He really did puncture my body and mind.

When I was in 7th grade
I began to notice that a lot of people cut themselves
Me being the type of person
who just wants to fit in
Started "being depressed"
I got mad at my mom one day
and thought people cut when they're ****** or sad
So I found a pen and started rubbing hard
Man did it burn like hell
I did it though that's not something I'm proud of
I hid it from my mom until later that night
She was arguing with me and said something
Amongst the lines of you won't hurt yourself
So I showed her the pen burn
She called her friend Zach and told him everything
He told me that if he found out I did
Something like that again he would stop talking to me

I don't know how to sing my abc's backwards
I don't know how to do a cart wheel
I don't know how to write with all correct grammar
I don't know how to sew or knit
I don't know how to speak fluent French even though I kind of should seems how I've been taking it for 3-4 years
I don't know...

I don't know who anyone in my family is anymore
I don't know why my father left us,
Or why he didnt fight for us
I don't know if he thought he wasn't responsible for us or if he didn't love us anymore
I don't know why I hate to love him but I know I love to hate him
I don't know

I don't know how love happens
I don't know why love happens
I don't know why relationships don't always work, but god dont I wish they would
I don't know

I do know that I can sing my abc's frontwards,
And honestly that's all that matters
I do know that I try to write with correct grammar
I do know how to crochet
I do know

I do know that my mother never gave up on us
I do know that my mother loves us more than anything in her world
I do know that I love my mother and I don't love to hate her
I do know

I do know that love, real love, finds people not the other way around
I do know that love is a powerful, happy, and peaceful emotion
I do know that love may not always work but when it does good
I do know that people try to make love work to the best of their ability
I do know