Holding Me

You are holding me
So tight because
You know I’m so loose-
So unravelled.

I asked you
To please
Hold me tight

You did. You did you
Gathered me up in your arms and you’re holding me tight
so I can
Breathe.

Shimmer

I used to shine
Like gold
I would shimmer and refract light
I was a prism
I was
effervescent.
I really was.
Now I’m dull
I’m like muddy water that used to be fresh
a spring  
a well of
goodness and
life would spring from me
but now
I’m a bit of a mucky
messy puddle
a muddle of disappointment and dreams
lost
long
ago.

Even though I’m stumbling
blindly down
this dark corridor
to nowhere I’m just
feeling my way
through the dark
stumbling, stumbling
just trying
to reach the light
the light is exactly
where I want to go
you know that
that I want light
I want to feel close to the sun
I do so I’m
just going
to keep stumbling
down this dark path
I will
I will
I just want
to reach
the sun.
Let me, God,
please just
let me reach the sun.

The corners of my mouth turn upward
into  a smile, a grin.
Oh you make me so happy.

When I think of you
I feel it in my heart
It’s a twinge, a little
twist of my insides I

just feel it I feel you
every time I
think of you I feel you
next to me your breath your warmth your smile your touch
all of it.
You look at me after all these years you
look at me and everything
just melts away and all I feel
Is
your
never-ending love.

Doldrums

I’m down in them. I am.
Sigh.
Time to bring myself up
by the bootstraps or by
some other means.
I’m tired of this place.
It is so dark and desolate.
I want
to feel the sun on my face
once again.
Oh I do. I do.

You put it there
Mother, Father,
And so I must endure it all.

It’s my memory
so I guess no one would understand
what that gesture
meant
to me.

All those years ago.
1975?
The prairies.
Grandpa and Grandma’s house
We congregated
Kids left to their own devices but sometimes
Grandpa would walk us to the park and sit with us in the knee-high grass.
We’d talk and play and he would say-go pick  those yellow flowers
I will pick them too
and bring them back to  me.

I did. I was so intrigued. The rest ran off to play

I dutifully brought my bounty back to him.
He took those dandelions
And braided them into a crown
and put them gently on my head and said, you are a princess now.

He said I could be a princess
For just a moment
With a smile and a lot of love he made me a princess for just a
Moment
In time.

And for that, Grandpa,
I’ll always be grateful.

I miss you