I Have Never

I have never known “peace.”
“Quiet.”
“normal.”

I grew up in abject chaos.
Mayhem.
Absolute bedlam.

But still I survived.
And here I am.

So desperately trying to
Not repeat
This odious cycle.

I’m not. I don’t.
I want to

Live.

A Kept Woman

My mom was one
So I refused to be

No matter how much I
loved my dad
I did not relent.

He loved me like a son
And I was one in so many ways
but I was also my mother’s daughter

And so
And so

I am still not
a kept woman.

And I’ll never be.

Giant, gentle flakes
Falling
Slowly
to the ground.

Falling.

All of these
Little bits of moisture
Falling.  

To a place unknown
I’m here.
Come to me.
Let your gentle head
Rest on my
Shoulder.  

.

Little Bird
My sweet
little bird.
So delicate, fragile, even.

Unlike me.
I’m a bit rough. Uncouth.
Abrasive, even.
Sometimes.

But you still sit on my finger
and sing sweet little songs to me.
My
sweet
little
bird.

Ladybugs

On my willow tree
So colourful yet dull
and listless
I pluck them off the tree leaves
into my pocket they go
because I’m just a girl
I don’t know better
I make them
Sit inside my room
in a little cloudy glass of water
they don’t survive
I didn’t know but
they’re pretty and I
just wanted to look at them I.
Didn’t know
The convenience of my room.
Sorry, little creatures.  
I’m so sorry.
So sorry.

It’s Cold Outside

I step out.
I see my breath in the air it is
caught like a picture -
it’s a moment in time.
Hanging there
like a picture on a wall.

I put my hands together.
Rub them vigorously -
surely this will warm me up.

I stamp my feet.
Walk about.
Surely this will warm me up.
Nothing.
What is this?
Where  am I
and who could possibly survive this insufferable cold ?

Me?
Is it supposed to be me?

Even though I’m stumbling
blindly down
this dark corridor
to nowhere I’m just
feeling my way
through the dark
stumbling, stumbling
just trying
to reach the light
the light is exactly
where I want to go
you know that
that I want light
I want to feel close to the sun
I do so I’m
just going
to keep stumbling
down this dark path
I will
I will
I just want
to reach
the sun.
Let me, God,
please just
let me reach the sun.