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The quarrel of the sparrows in the eaves,
The full round moon and the star-laden sky,
And the loud song of the ever-singing leaves,
Had hid away earth's old and weary cry.

And then you came with those red mournful lips,
And with you came the whole of the world's tears,
And all the trouble of her laboring ships,
And all the trouble of her myriad years.

And now the sparrows warring in the eaves,
The curd-pale moon, the white stars in the sky,
And the loud chaunting of the unquiet leaves,
Are shaken with earth's old and weary cry.
laying down,
i felt the calidity between my thighs.
my hands portrayed Yours,
fingers linger around black lace.
Wanted Your lips to hit the brink of mine,
but my hunger was left unsatisfied.
i thought of You, silly of me.
imagination
took
me
to
the
summit.
that was all, in the Utopia i moved You in,
where i can feel Your strokes from miles away.
Interpol made me do it.
I am a paradox
I am 'brilliant' yet scatter brained
I wonder if I even have a brain at all
The gentle thumping of my heart tells me that I'm alive
But yet I see no evidence that this is all a reality

I walk in slow motion day after day
My mind is everywhere but where I presently am
I don't focus, but yet I retain
The sounds of the human life surrounding me tells me that I'm not the only one here
But what if it's all an illusion I built up in my head to keep me happy?

I'm not happy, so why do I wear such a happy tranquil face?
My mind is raging a World War III within itself
I won't win

My destiny is to lose
To lose the reality that I'm not even sure is really there
To lose the gentle thumping of my heart that tells me that I'm alive
To lose the soft buzzing of the human race that surrounds me day after day
Does anyone even notice where I am?

I am lost, to myself and to others
You don't see, yet you are my father and my mother
You say you know me better than myself
So why can't you see that my biggest wish is to rid myself of myself?

One day I will be gone
Gone
Gone
A little... morbid. I know.
My head knocks against the stars.
My feet are on the hilltops.
My finger-tips are in the valleys and shores of
     universal life.
Down in the sounding foam of primal things I
     reach my hands and play with pebbles of
     destiny.
I have been to hell and back many times.
I know all about heaven, for I have talked with God.
I dabble in the blood and guts of the terrible.
I know the passionate seizure of beauty
And the marvelous rebellion of man at all signs
     reading "Keep Off."

My name is Truth and I am the most elusive captive
     in the universe.
well,* she said,
and there she took a
pause and a breath and shuddered

a little.
well, I don't really know, I don't
really want to know, I

don't think.

and I knew it wasn't a matter of wanting
but a matter of needing and

she needed to know.
she needed and I said,
I'm sorry;

I didn't mean to--

and she cut me off;
I found myself daydreaming

of you in class and I noticed
she was saying, I didn't know, I
didn't want to know, but it

happened, anyway.

and I wept for her
that night.

I didn't tell her.
I don't remember, any more,
The exact shape of your hands
As I held them in mine,
Caressed them,
Memorized the length of your fingers,
The depth of your calluses.

I don't remember, any more,
Exactly your height, how much
Taller than me
You were, where
My head rested on your chest
When you held me tightly close.

I don't remember, any more,
Your scent, when we lay together
Creating our own
Magic rhythm,
Matching our heartbeats as we
Touched the sky, together.

I don't remember, any more,
The sound of your voice, calling
My name as though
It were a song
Within itself, a precious treasure
You valued with all your being.

And I don't remember, any more,
The color of your eyes, the shape
Of your lips,
Only...
How your eyes crinkled at the corners
And your laugh, as you told me,

"I love you."
Copyright by Ash L. Bennett, 2011

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