Worthless
Everyday I fight
But then, I realize that they are right
Everyday an endless strife
To get a somewhat "social life"
All the torment impales my heart
Seems there is nothing to set them apart
I come home crying everyday
I foresee no other way
Have the blade, ready in my hand
I'm ready to depart this land

All it takes is my urge to grow, and I'll be impossible to care for

"Let me ******* die!!" I scream
They drug me to make me happy, but on the inside I'm just ****** up

Once I had a chance to escape, I found a knife and slammed it into my heart

I was broken
This was my life
Now it's over
My urge grew I was impossible to stop

This was my breaking point

I'm the girl who sits at the back
I'm the girl who always hides
I'm the girl that nobody speaks to
I'm the girl with no friend by her side
I'm the girl who doesn't care
I'm the girl who doesn't speak
I'm the girl who's pushed around
I'm the girl they all call weak
I'm the girl who gets no peace
I'm the girl who's all alone
I'm the girl who sits and weeps
I'm the girl who lives in fear
I'm the girl who has no use
I'm the girl that tries to smile
I'm the girl that they abuse
I'm the girl who has no life
I'm the girl who tries to run
I'm the girl whom you ignore
I'm the girl who has no fun
I'm the girl who tells no one
I'm the girl who hates my school
I'm the girl they love to hurt
I'm the girl who's so not cool
I'm the girl who wants to escape
I'm the girl who wants a friend
I'm the girl that no one sees
I'm the girl who wants the pain to end

I'm done making myself believe
Every lie you tell me
I know I forgive
But I was too blind to see
And I was wrong to ever trust you
But I'm glad that we are through
Now that we're done
I can't believe it
All this time
You kept her as a secret
I hope she was worth it
Yeah I'm done
I AM DONE
You stare at me with glaring eyes
Cause I am not deceived by your lies
I finally saw
Through your disguise
You cut and burn our favorite picture
But cry and learn when I am with him
I caught you kissing HER
Exactly the way you used to kiss me

I never knew
It could happen like this
And I never understood why
Things die
But they come alive
As quickly as all time
Who knew that life could be
Such a wonderful thing
I don't think that anyone ever dies
Now just when I am finding
How life can be
I realize that
Things are never what they seem
Even in times of crisis
Everything turns out fine
And even though it may be sorrowful
To know that life goes by
And to know that time flies
Will help you know
That even the smallest moments
Is precious
Through life
And time

Good riddance to you
Your immoral and cruel jokes
Will harm me no more

Your callousness, cruel
Transgressed the bounds of cruelty
You are inhumane

You called me a game
You knew not of compassion
You slayed empathy

You call me a book
Then tore out every last page
I was just garbage to you

First I thought you sweet
Now I know you sour
You call me poison

Good riddance to you
I know that I must go now
You can not linger

Words written without care
Letters tossed around as if there's enough to spare
Giving birth to new meanings
Twisted around for the writers own reasoning

Put down to ease the mind
For the secret message is contains, the writer may find
Opening the gateway to worlds not seen by eyes
Where within beauty lies

Your hand brushes upon my skin
The iciness of your touch sent shivers down my spine

Are you unaware of the sin
Slightly pushing over the line
Your hand gently caresses my side
My skin becoming inflamed

Wanting that moment to die
Are you not ashamed
Was our friendship a lie
I lay there motionless
In fear if I move my lips of what may leak

Do you not see you that you make me defenseless
Inside I am screaming
I'm hoping that you would go away
Thinking if I could just wake up from this dream
Everything would be back to its normal way

Life is a tornado
Spiraling out of control
This is an all time low
Falling into a black hole

This is not just a phase
Filled with so much sorrow
As I struggle through the days
Not something I will out grow

Everyone is so accusing
The faces get blurry
It's all so confusing
No new to worry

It is hard to pretend
Everything is okay
Maybe this is the end
All my eyes see is grey

The clock ticks
Seconds pass
Can I be fixed
Will this pain last

I am a wreck
This isn't what you expect
Life is heck
It just can't be perfect

Life is a tornado
Spiraling out of control
This is an all time low
Falling into a black hole

A bloom, a little piece of life
A rose so red it hurts your eyes
It grows until it's tall and high
But eventually it withers and dies

Sometimes
I feel
As if the walls are caving in
Or maybe the world is caving in
It's all my fault
I destroy everything
Everything goof
I am worthless
People regret talking to me
They know that I'm trash
And so do I
Once they realize it
They just toss me around until I'm in the trash
I just wish it would stop
Everything needs to stop caving in
I know how to fix it
Maybe I should just leave
Everything would be better

Conversation
No Sensation
Things I've yet to say
Your words still sting
Just lingering
I hang my head in weak dismay
Thoughts of sorrow
Bar tomorrow
Keep my from the night
I walk the paths back to the past
And they all lead back to the same place

Why do I still call you name
After all this time has passed
Former feelings
Still have meaning
Voids I've yet to fill

There's moving on
It's been and gone
But I can't help but keep standing still
You affection
Stark reflection
Of how things used to be
Gotta bide my time
Gotta keep me mine
Gotta keep myself from thinking
Gotta keep myself from drinking

There's a monster in my head
And a demon in my soul
They're tearing me apart
With every second they take their toll

They tear at my skin
They send tears down my cheeks


At first we were fighting
I thought they only lied
But it is okay now
We are on the same side

The demons they want me dead
But they promised not to tell
Anyway of dying
Is better than living in this hell

I thought the demons killed me
But really I killed myself
I let the demons in
That was worse than anything else

Never let your demons in
Don't let your monsters rule your head
For if you ever do
You will surely end up dead

Where is the difference of light and dark?
Why do you fear whats lurking in the shadows?
When will you tell what's really in your heart?

Read this and let your mind open a window
Into the damning realm of hell
No one here will answer your cries
Nor will they ever hear your yells

There won't be a tear shed if you die
Your soul doesn't stand a chance to survive
Deprived of all unworldly pleasure
With every minute you're growing colder inside

Nothing left in the world to treasure
Blackness is what's left all around
Lightning strikes, leaving glimpses of crimson red
Do you even know if you're standing on the ground
Is there anything left for you to dread

Feelings of suffering, sorrow, and pain surround you
Which of any of this is reality
Everything trying to suffocate you
When are you going to see things clearly

Look into a mirror, and tell me what do you see
Are you surprised that you see me
The one who you try to deny

With your arms around me
All my worries melt away
It is as if you will never let go
And I know that you won't

When you whisper into my ear
All my pain floats away
It is as if you will never leave me
And I know that you won't

I look into your eyes
Everyone else disappears
You are all that I need
I know it's meant to be

You look into my eyes
No one else matters
I am all you need
I know it's meant to be

It is as if you will never let me go
It is as if you will never leave me
And I know you won't
I know it's meant to be

I walk down the hall with you on my mind
You are one of a kind
One in a zillion
How did I get so lucky to find you
Can you see it in my eyes when I look at you
Then I run into HIM
My ex
I try to run because his eyes burn
I kick and go, yet the thought of you makes me smile
Your hugs make me want them more
Why do I feel this way
Am I supposed to
I always think of you, I try to fight the feelings
But I can't, they are too wonderful
Sometimes all you can do
Is love even if the person does not know it
Sometimes all it takes is just to say those words
Sometimes that's all you can do

Hiding in the dark corner crying on your knee
Tear stained skin gathers all around your face
Turn the lights back on and try to cover if with makeup
Hope no one calls you on your humiliating secret
You wish your life wouldn't be this way
You always tell yourself that you are going to change
Yet still you always end up back in that dark corners refuge
You know how you are supposed to feel
So you pretend that you're filled with joy
But you are the only one who knows what really lies inside your soul
Just keep away from the temptation of tears
And the dreams that gamble with death
Just lie in your mother's arms
Wrap yourself up tight knowing all the while
That tomorrow everything won't be alright.

My lips are open but I cannot speak
My tongue is numb, my lips are weak
So in silence here I sit
Harassed by the ever present IT
He watches me as I walk by
I think I'm okay, but I know that's a lie
As long as he's watching, I  can't say a word
I wish I could fly away like a bird
They all had a sense to turn and flee
But my life has collapsed, I'm stuck in the debris
So stuck here in the rubble, I try to live
No kindness or understanding are they willing to give
So secluded in and alone in a closet off the hall
I hide as the lockers all slam, shaking the walls
I hope he won't find me, in a sanctuary here
Maybe someday my worries will just disappear
But for now...

I seem like an amazing girl
Who is always so bubbly and happy
I seem like the girl who has a regular family
I seem like the girl that has no problems
Going on in her life
I seem like the girl who stays so strong
When something goes wrong
But honestly if you think
I'm that kind of girl
You don't know me at all
I make it seem that I have no problems
When that's all my life is anymore
I seem like the most happy girl
But that's just what I want you to think
I seem like a strong girl
But I'm actually weak
I wish I was that girl
That I play out to be
But wishing is all I get
To do these days
I wish, but I never recieve

The fires red
Rivers ran red
The rain pours
From open doors

Steam rises from the hard ground
Nothing but darkness all around
Children's screams come from a near
Mother's cry of suffering fills the air

A father's please echos everywhere
Surrounded by pain and suffering
It is smothering, suffocating
Lightning strikes, and I can see

Blood running down a child's cheek
Someone come and save the children
Someone come and save the forsaken
Someone come and save the Suffering

Someone come end this hurting
Someone come help the broken mend
Make the screaming come to and end
The storm has gone

The faces pass on
I look into nights river
And what do I discover
It was I who was screaming
Screaming save me from this dark dreaming

I cannot finish
What I never started
And I can't feel anything
But broken hearted
I can't step forward
If my feet are on the ground
And I can't stop screaming
Though I make no sound
So who can help me
Can I be saved
Can I crawl out of this self made cave
I remember life
And I know of light
But all I want to feel is numb tonight
How can I go on
When it hurts to smile
Real and true happiness
It's been a while
It won't come easy
If it's worth anything
No one can help me
I must spread my wings
I say I'm a survivor
I say that I'm strong
But who knows that I am hurting
When I pretend nothing is wrong

The night sky filled with stars
The silver mist sweeps across the meadow
The cool night air pushes at my skin
I stare into the river hidden by trees
The tears start to stream down my cheeks

As I look down, I saw a sword near my feet
I could end all this pain here and now
But as I stare into the river
Searching for my soul, and I know
That this is not the time to die

I wipe the tears from my eyes
The wind had swept the silver mist away
And the tall grass starts to sway
As I ran away from the meadows
To home, and try to forget
What I could have done
As I lay down to sleep
I have finally found peace

If I left,
Who would dare follow?
If I asked,
Who would dare answer?

If I spoke,
Who would dare listen?
If I laughed,
Who would dare laugh with me?

If I cried,
Who would dare wipe the tears?
It I died,
Who would dare shed the tears?

If I said "I'm fine"
Who would dare disagree?
If I finally asked for help,
Who would dare be there for me?

I know it wouldn't be you darling,
You don't dare to care.

Come make her bleed
Fill her deepest need
See into her eyes
See the darkness inside
Watch the wicked smile
She's burning for a while
Fueling her to be free
Free from the sin that won't let her be
The screams strike as thunder clash-inside the broken glass
Fist pounding as cuts lash
Glass shattering until she's free at last
Until there's nothing inside
Nothing but the silent screams
The ones of broken dreams
Of the girl that sees nothing but black
Of the life that she can't get back
So come see her bleed
Fill her darkest need
See into her eyes
See the darkness inside
The screams strike as thunder clash-inside the broken glass
Fist pounding as cuts lash
Glass shattering until she's free at last
She won't come to those who call
She won't come to any at all
The girl that sees nothing but black
Of the life she can't get back.

What's up?
Only friends ask that.
What's wrong with you?
Only jerks ask that.
Where are you at now?
Only lovers ask that.

Don't want to give up
So you give in.
You've reached the ******.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Only ******* ask that.
Do you like me?
Only crushes ask that.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasabi?
Only dorks BFF's ask that.

People joke about suicide
Think it's just a game
Think people cut for attention
Starve themselves for fame

Little did they know
The girl behind them was bipolar
Wondering why they thought it funny
To feel a complete loner

Would they finally get it
When she starved herself to death
Or hanging off the ceiling
Having taken her last breath

Then would they see
Would they actually stop to think
That a girl took her life
Cuz her daddy liked to drink

If they saw her body
Crumpled, bleeding, lying on the floor
After jumping 20 stories
Out her balcony door

If they saw her head blown in
If she took to big a fall
A rope around her neck
Her blood on the walls

Now she's gone because of you
Her spirits in the clouds
Her parents utterly confused

IS IT STILL A JOKE NOW???????

Such charm and grace
Such little words
Such elegance interlace
Illusions that never work

Love and lies
One and the same
With luring eyes
Of burning flame

The woven spells
Of star filled wells
Where the forbidden flower dwells
With the sweet music of angel bells
These fairy tales that you tell

Spun from sensual lips
Like sweet nectar to sip
Such clever and wits
To leave one on a clouded bliss

Taking one to the forgotten place
Resting in the between space
Of the night skies and darkening seas
On the whispered winds of lovers pleas

The promise of the soul kiss
The lasting passion of abyss
A glance through the looking glass
In a realm of dream that don't last

Spoken words allured me
Tales cast upon silken thread
Waiting to be set free
From the golden web

My heart beats faster when I talk to him
I smile at his every text message
He makes me laugh when I am down
He makes me feel loved when no one else does
He makes me feel so beautiful
He has my heart no doubt

My body longs for him
My lips want his
My fingers want to connect with his
And never let go
I want to feel protected
In the strong arms he has

It's crazy how strongly I feel for him
In so little of time
I never would have known that someone
Can make you feel so loved, special, and wanted
Just over a text or call
I want him like I have never wanted anyone else

I have always wanted someone to be crazy with
Someone who can make me fall in love everyday
Someone who loves me despite my flaws
Someone who understands me and all I go through
Someone who isn't afraid to shout his love from the rooftops
That someone is you

You crossed the water
Left me ashore
It killed me enough but you wanted more
You blew up the bridge, a mad terrorist
Waved from your side, threw me a kiss
I started to follow but realized to late
There was nothing but air underneath my feet

The black sky of majesty
Staring down underneath itself
The world black
Never to see the light of the moon

The world overflowed with rage
A rainbow only one shade
The darkest colors of mankind
The black souls, the red bloodshed

The sky sees underneath the stars
Down below the brightness of the heavens
The silver moon
Struggling to pour down on the Earth

The gold may be glorious
But the shadow are true
They tell the honest emotions of the world
The green grass is fading
Into a bittersweet grey
The water is not blue
But clear for you
A reflection of what the world really is
The world's rainbow is fading
It is turning bleak
It is a raging rainbow

Lovers come and go
With nothing left to hold
The bitter sky turns gold

An eerie silence filled the night
As the moon shone its light
Only one star shining bright

Swaying in the breeze
The magical dance of weeds
And the music of rustling leaves

Lovers coming apart
A trail of bleeding hearts
Trying to make a new start

Wishing someone by my side
Knowing this would be denied
To my lonely self I chide

In the lovers meadow I weep
Wanting a love that won't keep
I must let my restless soul sleep

Waiting silently I pray and seek
The one who won't let my heart leak
Now I must rest and not grow weak
For one day my soul will peak

I'm not hungry,
But I'm starving

I should eat,
But I can't bring myself to.

It smells so good,
yet sickening.

I know this isn't okay,
But I'm just fine.

I'm going down the drain,
But I don't mind.

It's horrid,
But it's meant to be.

Thank you,
But no thank you.

I know you want to help,
But I don't need help.

I'm not hungry,
But I'm starving

I see you standing there
Acting all innocent
I see you giving me glares
You are full of ****

You said that you loved me back
But that was a lie
Do you know how many times
You've made me cry

With your gorgeous blue eyes shining like the sun
You always told me that I was the one
You always tucked me in at night
And love you know that you're not as bright as you think you are

You broke my heart
Tore it into pieces
You told everything
Even shared your "Secrets"

But that was all a lie
You don't even care
You just wanted accessories
You didn't even care

I gave you every ******* thing
I would have even bought you a ring
But since you tore my ******* heart
We are now split apart
And now you say "Lets go back to the start"
But love I know I've cried
And I know you lied

In the bliss we sang our song
Under the fading sunlight
Against the tree we stood holding hands as words left our lips
Words killed the silence, lyrics spoke our heart out
Strings of the guitar that you plucked with your fingers
Did spread love all around you and I

We walked under the light of the stars
In the Coloradian winters you and I held onto hope
Even when eyes couldn't see what was ahead
A creek or the edge of a cliff on which we walked
It was only trust that let us see the sunshine

If only you are to wait and standby
As I find the courage to say a few words that I have been meaning to say
A heart beats those words as I take a breath looking at your face
But only if you could hear my heart beating
And the silence that surrounds me in the dead of the night

Got me doing the wrong things
Got me hating and loving life
Got me on my knees begging for mercy
Wanting you to take me once again
Bring me to a whole

With the light to guide me from your eyes
Your smile made the sun rise
Your touch melts the coldness away
You were my lover, my protector
You brought me out of darkness
Gave me hope and a will to survive

The love you gave me made the world alive
You my king and I your queen
Taught me how to love once more
Not knowing the price
I was to be your wife
Our lives and bodies intertwine

Only to wake to find it was a dream
The look in your eyes went from lust to hate
You wounded me in way words can't describe
You left me without uttering a single goodbye

When the moon rises
My body sinks
It goes to the bottom of the sea
Where the monsters hide and wait
For their escape
But my barrier is not a cage, it is the darkness

When does the light come to knock on my cell of despair
You ask if it will all come
Is it my turn? Does this end? Can I get help?

No! My cage is darkness
Where the light never shines

I wait in my deep slumber for times and times I don't know
But when it is time, the sun finally shines on me
The cage wasn't inescapable
They were only my demons

Dreams come and go
The darkness was only my immense imagination
The monsters were only my covers soon I crawled away from them
I was free, time to live the fear of days and days to come
I'm waiting for it's worst

You want to know my thoughts
To unmask me
This is what you sought
Try as I might, I could not flee

Are you satisfied with what you find
To know that my soul is hollow
When you look into my mind
You see that I am shallow

I use what I can to get what I please
Is this what you want
Or do you want me to leave
Know this is not some stunt

I'm a faceless face
You have broken my mask, my shield
In this endless space
So let's make a deal

Let me mend my mask
Keep these thoughts hidden well
Learn there are things better left unmasked
And you will do well

I wondered why I started ,
How I started,
It used to make my cry when I did it,
But not anymore,
I go deeper and no longer care if my legs scar,
My heart and soul are scared enough yet nobody sees that so maybe I should show the world my mind and mentality,
Yet I hide it from the world,
My parents don't want to believe it so they ignore what they see,
If they don't care why should I?
I want to die,
I have absolutely nothing left to live for anymore,
The cutting is maybe the reason that I am still alive,
It's the only think that keeps me from jumping off the precipice,
And ending my pathetic existence.

I could pour my heart out to you
You say I can trust you
But people say that all the time
The never mean it
They tell your parents
Or whoever
Can you just keep this to yourself
I just pour my heart out
I don't know what it is
I just want to tell you everything
What would you say?
What would you do?
What could you say?
What could you do?
Maybe you can help
Or maybe you can't help me
Maybe you could give me hope
Or maybe I'm hopeless
I guess I'll never know
Unless I pour my heart out

In time of the lords
The fruit was ripening
Reaping their rewards
Time was left crying

Their children sent to die
For an unreachable dream
They looked to the dark sky
Spirits protested with screams

The darkness fell
Lasting glory they seek
Where the lovers well
The glorious gods weep

On mortal hands
Where the fate lays
With unwritten plans
They fought and slay

Turning the dream into desire
Everything was torn asunder
They gather by the deadly fire
Sky pleaded with breaking thunder

Time is but nigh spent
Victories being won in wars
This is what heaven has sent
In the time of the lords

Drowning in my own misery
Stranded on an island
Surrounded by the empty sea
Been waiting for the sun to rise
Engulfed by the flames of darkness
Searching for a friendly face
In a crowd of lonely strangers
Straggling between lines of reality and fantasy
What is real and what is fake

Who is to judge in this place
The rain pours every night
Filling the sea with tears
Searching for that someone
To take away my fears
Put the past behind, and end this insanity
Take back the love that has been stolen
To replace the hatred that had befallen
And lift me off this forsaken island

It's more than just a paintbrush
It's proof to show you I care
And I just sit here doodling
Wallowing in the depths of my despair
You must know that I am sorry
You must know that I do care
It's just when the world is spinning
My sorrow I often share
I never meant to ruin your life
And when you turn to your despair
Just remember it's a battle
Just remember I am scared...

She's on fire
Flames of desire
A goddess of liars
He's Insane
Burnt to the grave

A web of lies
She'll make you cry
Burning you alive

He's her nightmare
Filled her with fears
Haunts her dreams
When she screams
She's lost in hell

A web of lies
She'll make you cry
Burning you alive

Don't know which right choice to make
Wish that everyone would wake
Open their eyes and see life
Not the "Society's" lie

Everything isn't black or white
So how do you judge what is right
Taught to think by the people before us
What's the deal with all the fuss

Where's this thing we call trust
Hidden beneath all the rust
Weathered away like our innocent
Taught that it's just another incident

To walk away from it blindly
Giving it up gladly
In exchange for a mask
That doesn't let you look back

And invisible chains
That bind you to the society

In the darkest depth of light
You can still find a fright
There is no possible way to describe
The offerings the shadows bribe

Somehow I always imagine fear
To be grinning ear to ear
Because it lurks in the shadows of the night
And can consume even the brightest of light

Thought this phenomenon is rather strange
It is only our brains
You see, fear is only in our minds
But it seems to swallow us all the time

All I want is to feel pretty
All I want is to feel loved
All I want is to be skinny
Not the obese pig that I am right now
If I could fall into a man's arms
If I could look into a mirror without crying
If I could just once
Step into the world with
A genuine smile
Maybe I'd realize
Maybe I'm worth it

I think it's more the current of your being
That pulls you into my embrace
The ink is permanent and seeing
Beyond your eyes and smile like a race
Against the teachings offered then
When I could taste the bittersweet guilt
When I remembered how to count to ten
God's words were fabric in my family quilt

And now I'm being lured away
By yearning kisses and your cashmere love
It means enough that I just with you'd stay
I've given up a lot, too much, above
From where this scene is crystal clear
The angels cry, ashamed of me
Or laugh and whisper words of comfort in my ear
I guess the truth, I'll always fail to see

These moments so awaited accidentally
Of pressing my heart up against your chest
Eliminating arid sorrow gently
Just giving, taking, and forgetting all the rest
And touches, lighting love on fire
I let you drink it off my tongue
Our firm embrace composing infinite desire
Ephemeral reality leaves aspirations hung

And where could I inquest salvation
For both of us, and keep it all
Avoiding lies and slick temptation
Recovering after the fall
Past midnight, stirred by dreams of wishes
A teardrop slips off eyelash tips
My soul just murmurs, breathes, and swishes
Awaits to brush against your lips

She's wandering in her own misery
Trapped in a frozen wasteland
For all eternity
Her tears are falling like grains of sand
A forgotten piece of history
The past and present rest in her hand
Her soul lost to humanity

Crystallized shards falling to the ground
A shattered mind that won't be healed
A spirit left unattended
Darkness is her shield, her face has been sealed

Crushed glass, leaving kisses that won't last
A bleeding trail, crimson red
Sails at sea, on the ocean of dreams, set half mast
Following the souls of the long dead

The tears have fallen
The goddess stolen
The path has bled
For the angel in red

Everything is nighttime now,
My heart and soul are pitch black,
My pain and my inability to handle it scare me,
I no longer have a sun to guild me,
When you cut,
It gives you a momentary relief then you feel worse than before,
But like and addiction that you can't stop,
You won't stop until you reach your eternal sleep or damnation in Hell

For a moment I wonder where I am
All I can hear is a large door slam
Could this be revenge
Locking me up on this ledge

I don't know but I just want someone to be here with me
I don't even care if I am not set free
All I want is some interaction
I don't even need to see a fraction of the world outside
Because apparently this is where I now reside

In the shadows of the night
Which swallows all light
And no one cares where I am
All the want is to see my door slam