I froze at the moment of seeing your eyes change shade.
It’s like draining my mind of dull thoughts and melancholy,
and so I chose not to blink, even once.
Until I heard you whisper my name,
and it felt like you have mastered to say it in the most fascinating tone,
with a voice like those of seraphs.
It was the moment that I have found the perfect twilight,
as it holds the falling star that I cannot live without.

I did not notice that you have drawn me inside your world,
as you were silver-tongued and striking and elegant.
Your words satisfy what I have been yearning to hear
and your touch gives warmth to the morning breeze.
And so I dwell inside your world,
no matter how bizarre it appears to me.
Because this is what I’ve ever dreamed of.
To be with you and you alone.

Everyone seems to notice that I have been to deep places of my mind.
As I utter words that could break the waves
and give a stare that is full of blurry images,
like a hologram that tried to focus a picture
but is unable to form a single connection between points,
as it was betrayed by the light
that should have been coming from you.

If I could only say the words
as quickly as the feeling of being in-love rush inside me,
then you would clearly see a vision of a perfect love.
Something that happily dances with your heart’s tempo.
And every piece of it
is free from the flaws brought by insincerity and doubt.
I am waiting for that day
when you would finally feel me.
The day when my dream and reality are one.

I watch the clouds change shape as they move above the sleepy mountains.
What I see makes me love the things that I never had and will never have.
And so I wish for my thoughts to fade
as the clouds started to weep
and the mountains decided to have an eternal sleep.

Tonight I saw you again in my dream.
I slept with hopes of you wanting to be in it.
Then I woke up in a fantasy.
You spoke in my dream.
At last, you spared words for me!
I froze as your voice echoed in my mind.
My heart leaped a beat.
I blinked.
What did you say to me?
It doesn’t matter.
I know your words are directed to me.
only for me.
And that is enough.
Then I remember you smiling as you walked away.
I woke up again,
hating reality
~ it surely bites even in dreams.

My nightsky is not quite empty
as it holds my precious little gems.
Tonight you bring me love and smiles
so my heaven glows in stellar beauty,
and such beauty is you.
Now I would step into my dream
wishing that you would stay
as you discover a perfect little heaven in me.

Things falter.
My own life crumbles before me.
Happiness spiraled downwards.
And yet you don’t realize
it’s you who scarred me for life.
Here I am.
Sinking deep with my shattered self.
Along with your mocking words,
which you could never take back.

tonight i feel above emotions because i am dreaming of you again.
every night must always be on this side of what is intensest.
perhaps on a September evening, like on the 23rd,another night must loom.
where the simplest mastery of your body's shape would toss me in grey silence.
ah, your sweat in my skin, and all flavors of your tastebuds in my tongue ---
all these i have mastered. because every night i am dreaming you.
and in my bed, in the sharp corners of tonight, i know, i shall not slouch.

you move near me and bring love upfront. i see light changes. unbelievable, yet i see them all. for a while it feels good and then it keeps rising --- that feeling. the one beyond words. you may not also believe any of these. but you make me turn around and see where all love stories go. and i see mine, too. i see it go perfectly entangled with what you have brought me. through which i will return. a love that looks straight in the sun. and a love that could stand gloomy rain.

it is not just another day.
because even when i sleep, thoughts would retrace every shape-shifting cloud.
and they will make a bed for us.
you and i. deathless, forever-floating in this seamless world.
and always. as always.
with my mind's recurring desire,
i will hold you so tight.

i know it is not just another day.
because it makes me find ways i have lost.
because it gives me a different strength
--- like i become more driven, instead of weak and afraid.

the skyward-blown dandelions.
the playful curls of the sea.
new moon in my brows.
the repetition of thoughts
of your pretty face
the strangeness of a sun-smelling day.
all these --- they tell me, it is not just another day.

yes, i know, it is not just another day.
because it's a day that passes but never ends.
a day that gives me your sweetest attention
and the brightest star after a day-time's work.

i know it is not just another day.
i am telling you world, it is not.
and i don't need any twists or witness in my telling.
it is not just another day.
it is not.

lately i give no loyalty to the cause of the quiet-cancelling of joy in the heart.
the world knows how many times i'll spit and curse on the bad things that made you cry.
what they were even wanting to say
is like belonging for the cowards
where laughter was always not home.
far out, they want. but i will not.
what i would always want is to be enlivened by the thought
of me being seen living with you all my life.
i am going to take what chance gives me today.
and that is to write this poem in the hot-cold mix of the moment.

their eyes would usually do the poisonous scanning of my soul.
but what they find would always come as a surprise.
like a clear view of nothing wrong.
sure enough, what they'd find out later
are crazy noise of peter pan longings.
of moonlight borrowed from Eli's side.
and these, for what is worth, are not mine.
the brief nights.
and the lovely song within a hug.
and in the morning, i will walk outside and meet again
the unnecessary ghosts in my life.
and they would murmur words
like those of the usual society-talk
that you rarely hear them say to the others.
and i would try to remember love,
like it's all i ever need in a time of ragged lights.
and i will smile,
and leave,
and become an equal of who i really am.

like a velcro to the earth which lazily lay here with its face down,
i felt a new skin. finally. i feel.
a much tighter embrace from the exact world i've been trying to push away.
i breath freely, with all the thoughts that i've been saving not to bring me down.
i lay still and i remember when i was told i was born on a sunday like this.
and i ask for one moment more if days would always be like this same day.
when there's a very thin line with what i really want,
and what the world actually wants to give.

A heart that weeps.
Clouded with pain.
Loses direction.
Blinded from the truth
that love breaks all irony.
East shifted to west.
Heaven turned to hell.
All of these exist to put your love into test.

Insufferable moment.
Words are in themselves.
Heart is jaded.
Chose to sleep in a crypt
where nothing is heard but the echoes of your memory.
In this blind alley is where you put me.
Here I remain.
Along with my wretched self.
Only me and my sadness.

Emotions under rein.
Can’t tell or even whisper
how blissful a sight of you makes.
Your heart.
Destined to touch mine.
Only now that it’s owned by another.
Far away.
I will love you.
Even if this lack of freedom to touch you can choke.
Even if nothing can break the truth,
that in this lifetime,
I will never have you.

When I sat beside the moon,
I was gazed upon by your beautiful eyes.
The stars danced happily,
because they knew I’m in-love.
This splendor around me witnessed
how your love strikes me to the root of my very being.
Into each other,
we continued gazing.
And with blazing eyes locked,
you knew how happy you are making me.

I woke up with a strange absence of your kiss.
Then I realized I was awakened by reality.
I glanced around.
The room is full of questions.
Where are you?
Why am I alone?
Why did I wake up in the first place?
I do not know.
Waking up was never a delight for me.
Not without you by my side.

The splendor of your stare felt like we are dancing in each other’s soul.
You.
Me.
Sparkling eyes locked.
Enchanting music rose up.
Emotions soared into heavens.
Even shadows rush to embrace.

You can’t walk away.
I’ll be with you like a shadow.
You’ll remember every single move I make.
You’ll crave for my words and my love
but all you could taste is my sweet revenge.

Look through the eyes that suffered.
The same eyes that mightily blazed through another’s soul.
I’m pleading for a gaze, a gaze that changes all.
Look straight and deeper,
so I could cross and move on from one twilight to the other.
Life will move me there into love.
And into someone else’s thoughts.
There I will remember how passion kills.
How my world, like rain,
has no beginning.

Moved by the thoughts of a stranger for a friend, my words flew unscathed.
Seething.
Eager to shove their words back.
My safeguard took off with my latent soul.
So my words, as my captives, lured by their fancy thoughts ran off.
Ready to wrestle every verse,
down to every letter that composed a poetic mind.
But I no longer want to write.
It makes me weak,
my attitude visible to a critic’s eyes.
A thinker’s battle over a seeker.
The seeker provoking the weary mind.
A chain of battling thoughts.
A never-ending bloom of profound words.

Your stare.
Unfathomable.
Flustering my mind with your fleeting look.
My whole world, distracted by your presence.
Tempting me to reveal my heart’s desires.
But I should look away,
as it is the only cure for a shattered fantasy.
I shouldn’t fail to remember
~ I cannot have you.
So I’ll just walk away and leave with a happy sigh.

Emotionally chained.
To you.
A love with no return.
Locked away in the cage of austere sadness.
Tears.
Meager to shed the taunting laugh of rejection.
Even resounding into the wilderness of despair.
The stars hang lazily.
Weighed down by my wretched thoughts.
Nothing is left with me.
But yesterday’s last hope of eternal sleep.

You taunt my heart as if it’s not taught to love.
What if I shed tears along with my shackling obsession and lose sight of my being’s worth?
Maybe only then will you hear my heart beating ever slowly.
Only then will you see the misery amidst the laughter.
With this silent demise I’ll leave you with a curse
~ in your night sky there will be no more full moons or grand twilight.

The scorched wind dragged me into the immensity of who I am not.
A forlorn life exhaled as a paradox of my being was born.
The mirror seeks for my likeness
but only a distorted image looms
as my heart and soul are strewn across my camouflaged self.
I screamed for the reason why everything of me is concealed
but no one heeds me.
This is my fate.
To be lost and be forever doomed
in this quiescent wreckage.

My silent poetry whispered secrets
of the nights when the moon got cursed
~ because the moon is blamed for taking you away.
The twilight faded into the ocean I cried
and each teardrop’s bruising scream
stopped me from counting stars in you.

A tale of love.
Begins with a stolen kiss.
From you. Sheer delight.
Quivered on my lips.
Painted my world
in hues of indefinable bliss.

I love this moment.
So involved.
With you.
Under the blanket of love.
You moved.
Like dancing milkyways
that caught me
--- craving more touch
with timeless gentleness;
begging for another kiss
that stole my breath
and put my mind
out of everything
but your grace.

the moon and beauty, and the night where it meets reminds me of december ~ of those from the distant past, which somehow made me feel like there was no lonely man before and after me.

tonight, there's the moon and beauty again, and the self who stopped dwelling on those december's. the self who knew and felt that somehow, expectations of what is grand finally correlates with reality.

tonight, just like any other nights, there's the moon. there's remembering about the process of forgetting. there's the feeling of existing and co-existing. there is actually much. you, me, and the skyway and the tollgates, and all the things that the moon hasn't refused to shine on every night.

This is to divert the current feeling to that which chases the wind-blown dandelions. This is something which reminds you that the world lives in uncolorful things, too.

This is not to write and be Pablo Neruda. This is not to love and be Romeo. Or Juliet.

This is to be like something that perennially changes.

This is to divert and re-divert. Be displaced or disengaged.

This is to end a line in a way it should not be ~ like a hanging phrase that really isn't.

Yes, this is.

woke up with bursting brightness in my bed. like summer days coming earliest on a chilly February morning. if i would have you and that 'good-morning' smile in my bed every waking moment like today's, then every time will be continual forms of joy or seventh heaven. longing to be, and be nothing but myself --- myself, that is lying next to you, returning your smile and holding your face. where holding you would always feel like i'm holding everything that is beautiful in this changing sphere. And every time i touch you, i'd stare right through your soul and i'd quietly ask, "who, in this sea of lovers, desired each other as we do?"

each memory i remember
brings me closer to where i am.
every memory, a ticket to those days
i sat beside you in your backyard.
sharing thoughts and laughter 'til the sun's fading.
where i am now is lost.
a place half-lighted by an almost broken lamp post.
where i am now is a free space.
where i can be drunk and float and fall down like a dead leaf.
where are you now?
i cant see you into the moon's eyes.
you have to come back.
to sing our silly songs.
to search for a new space.
like a field of green grass.
where we can sit and laugh,
float and never fall down.

The rain has stopped.
But the earth barely breathes through.
For the soils are soaked
And the air, set deep into the surface.
Deep down.
Deep into the pulp of the furrow.
Where the shadows act.
As if proximity to the sun exists in different angles.
Infinitesimal at the outset.
Immeasurable at the end of the day.
This place is a repository of waning things.
Where I am part of every station and stop.
But all these to me are irrelevant.
For I am willing to well up sunlight
Even when darkness is most unforgiving.