Jenni

Jenni Sep 2015

Untitled

Everything feels like it's crashing.
The director, thinking himself clever,
Has slowed down time
To show every detail of the impact.
I'm stuck,
In the same moment of disaster,
For an eternity.
Honestly?
Someone fire him please.
He's not that clever.
And I want my life back.

Jenni Sep 2015

Untitled

Netflix wouldn't work today.

He texted me. But not when I needed it.

The place I work makes me feel dead inside.

The ceiling fan was just a little too loud.

There's this pressure in my head.

I can't focus on anything.

I couldn't get to sleep. Again.

I didn't want to wake up. Again.

The people at school don't like me.

All I have time for is school work.

My degree is going to be useless.

Crowds. Crowds. Crowds.

A lady yelled at me at work.

Sensory overload.

I wanted to tear at my head.

I cried instead.

I can't stop thinking.

I can't stop.

I can't.

I.

things that have made me cry recently

Jenni Sep 2015

Untitled

There's nothing to say
But that's okay
Silence will do for now

There's so much but so little to say about it. It's whatever, I guess.

Jenni Aug 2015

Apathy

I'd be angry
I think
If I still possessed the ability
To experience a full range
Of human emotion
Shades of grey
Are all that I know
But sometimes
I watch the news
Or read an article
And for a moment
My apathy is shattered
For a fleeting second
I am angry
I am furious
And I am fire and brimstone
Personified
Intent on raining hell on Earth
For the injustice
The greed
The cruelty
The ignorance
That seeps from every corner
Like lava
Engulfing everything in sight
But then
My blinds are once again drawn
My fire is suffocated
I am sedate
And in ashy greyness
I sit
Unfeeling
Once again
Unfazed
By all that is wrong
Unequivocally
And
Unblinkingly
Apathetic

It's what they want from me
But I'm still unsure how to be free

Jenni Jul 2015

Marble Eyes

I wish to be a statue
Frozen for a moment
For an eternity
Beautiful
And lifeless
And hard
Enduring
Strong in all the ways I'm not
And unfeeling
Untouched by tedious things
As emotions
Love, pain
It's all the same
Bouncing off my shell
Like beads of rain
I feel nothing
The weather may move me
The weather may change me
The weather may destroy me
But the weather is kind
Maybe this time when I fall apart
I won't feel anything

*Marble Eyes Will Never Cry

Jenni Jul 2015

White Lies

I lied when I said
That I didn't understand smoking
And when I told my dad
That I probably wouldn't drink much
After I turned 21

I keep a book of matches
Under my pillow
And a bottle of *** behind my bed
There's nothing wrong
With a couple of
White Lies

Jenni Jul 2015

Untitled

The veins in her eyelids look like lightning
And when she looks at you
You can almost hear the thunder