the energy of all the things I'm too afraid to say
pulses inside my body
I am electricity connected to dead fingers
I am an incomplete circuit
for each decomposing extremity
a cold and hard letter left un-depressed
a barren alphabet of plastic
missed opportunities
my mouth was sewn shut long ago
and now
one by one
my fingers break
and I am mute once more

sometimes I just **** things up

but sometimes it feels like every time
I guess I can't make up my mind
If I want to make you mine
I'll learn my lesson
In time

I know
We'll be okay
If only I could learn
How to mean what I say
Can I ask you about today?

Sometimes I just **** things up

you've got a boyfriend
that's okay
I'm too wrapped up in my own ****
anyway

maybe someday
I'll be able to say
I like you

I've forgotten how to speak
How to write
How to type
How to communicate what I'm feeling
When I'm sat alone at night
All these thoughts swirling around my head
Trying to get out
But they get trapped by the dam
That I've built behind my mouth
My fingers break
One by one
With every keystroke that they make
And suddenly
My pens are dry
And my hands start to shake
And just when I start to think
I might be getting somewhere
My alarm goes off
It's just a dream
In real life I'd never dare
To say the things I've been thinking
Almost every day
The things that you learn you must never say
Because if you do
If for just one second you were free
That's when you become a threat to our society
You know the how the saying goes,
"Freedom is never free."
The price we pay more often than not
Is our personalities
We sell our souls to men in suits
In return for safety
My heart may beat
My lungs may fill
But am I really me?

I feel so powerless
Like I'm watching it happen all over again
I know they say history repeats itself
But if it takes you too
I don't know what I'll do

I can't help but feel like I'd be right behind you

I kept thinking it odd that you didn't call somebody closer to you
It didn't occur to me until it was too late that maybe you didn't have anyone
I'm sorry that I never properly said goodbye
I know you always looked at me as if I was somehow stronger
But the truth is that I was never very strong
I've spent the last 4 months pretending it was all a dream
But I saw you in my dreams last night
And you looked so happy
I've learned from my mistakes
I know that some smiles are fake
I think about you all the time, I hope you know
I always did, even when we didn't talk
I was trying to leave you room to grow
I didn't know
I'm sorry
I just didn't know

It's nothing new
I look at you
And look away
Just another day
That I can't find the strength to say

Anything