Remember "Rocking Chairs"?

Are you still going to want me there then?

I don't understand how you could.

I am writing this to remind you
Of what used to be
And still is

There is still a light
At the end of the tunnel

Right now,
It's dark
Gone
Black
Non-existent

Maybe it's been 20 years without light
Maybe you've only ever seen
Small swatches
Shadows dancing on the walls
Only to look again
And see nothing but an
Empty
Dark plane
Void of anything
Especially happiness

But just because you can't see it
Doesn't mean it's not there
And what a shame it would be
To give up without ever knowing
How close you were
To the brilliant
Joyful
Saving
Light.

Today, I realized that I'm a foot.

And not just the bones, ligaments and muscles

A body part with an attitude

See, I get cocky.

I think,

"Wow. You are the foot. You get the entire body where it needs to go. You support all the weight; bear all the load. You're in control."

It wasn't until today that I realized

That what being a foot really means

Is that I get

Dirtied

And stepped on

And controlled

By everything else above me.

**** the system.
The regimalized plan
That "Works for Everyone. "
That funnels persons from
Different backgrounds
And stories
And wounds
Down into the
Same
Dark
Lonely
Standard
Tired
Broken
****** up mass of ****.

Instead of helping
Your "Standard Procedure"
Just added to
The beaten down
Bleeding
Non-believing
Exhausted
Pile of hurt.

It's wrong.
That saying
The, "No one can love you until you learn to love yourself."
It's incorrect.
Senseless even.

You don't have to love yourself to have someone do the same.
In fact,
I think it's the people who don't love themselves
Are loved the most.

Others see their hurt
And reach out
Open their hearts

Let feelings of
Concern
Appreciation
Respect
Friendship

Love.
Enter in

The self-loathing one just doesn't know.
Or doesn't want to

They're blind
Eyes covered by a blindfold
Held securely in place by
Doubt
Fear
Hate
Anger
Regret
A past where something
Sometime
Lots of times
Went awry.

They can't trust themselves
Or anyone else because of that.

It's not easy to love someone like this.
It takes
Work
Determination
Persistence
Many different things

Some people will throw in the towel
Say it's too hard
Not worth it
But not everyone

A select few will stick around and love The loveless person
Shower them in appreciation
Cover them with love

So, don't think for
One
Single
Second
That you aren't loved

You are.

By me.
By others.
By God.

And all of us will be here
When you finally remove
The caked on
Mud
Dirt
The blinding debris
From experiences past

We will be here

When you can finally see just what about yourself is worth loving.

I'm afraid you're not The One
And I'm wasting both our time

I'm afraid you don't know me anymore
That you have to be around me to know me

I'm afraid you're taking me for granted
Remind me why you love me

I'm afraid I'll break your heart
Please don't let me be right

I'm afraid this will end like very other time
Stay in my life

I'm afraid I'm blinded by fear
It's not your fault

I'm afraid it's not just the situation
It's just you causing confusion; doubt

I'm afraid this has run its course
Will we still be friends?

I'm afraid you are The One
So I can't let it go

I'm afraid this is all it will ever be
I can't do that to you

I'm afraid of this whole situation.

And I hate it.

I want to ask you everything and nothing
I want to know all of you
I want to dig down to the bottom
Dredge your lake
Find out everything
The good, the bad
And the unthinkable

I'm just worried
That if I search too deep
Go too far
Push too hard
That the only thing I'll be left with
Is a corpse

There will be parts of you
Remnants
Pieces
Maybe just shards
Floating on top of waves
Being pushed and pulled for eternity
Because I wanted to know too much