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Jenn Yeo Jun 2015
You are not a plot of land
A heavy stone
A bouquet of plastic flowers
You are not planted tree
A day on the calendar
A place to visit
You are not a rope
An abundance of pills
A hospital bed
You are a smile
A tear shed
A memory shared
You are light
A lesson
A path to forgiveness
You are a wish
A hope
A prayer
You are love
You are love
Jenn Yeo Sep 2014
Cant breathe, cant sleep, cant look in mirrors or peoples eyes.
Can't walk, cant talk because it never comes out right.
Never comfortable, always aching and don't forget I'm shaking
Can't focus or eat right, even close my eyes for peace.
All these things race through my head and they never seem to leave.
My heart physically hurts and my head feels so full.
Losing interest, hard to care anymore.
Can't sit comfortably and can't listen too well.
This isn't living so it must be hell.
Constantly feel like I'm going to be sick.
I want to rip things to shreds preferably my own skin.
Drained of all energy, left empty, left cold.
I'm so young yet it I feel so ******* old.
My head is a war zone and talking gives me headaches.
Trust me I've tried there's no way to escape.
This isn't anything new, it's been years.
This is depression. Nothing romantic to hear.
This is all happening at once so I wrote it down goodbye.
Jenn Yeo Aug 2015
Even though you left I think I'm the one whose suffering from loneliness
Each breath I exhale burns like I'm running out of oxygen
I carry a weight around but I'm not sure what it is exactly
is it the memories or who I was supposed to be?
I can't find an answer, not even sealed in a kiss
I thought I believed in true love but this can't be it
The confusion blurs my vision and I ask everyone to speak twice
because I can't see the small details I appreciated once in life
Everything seems to rehearsed and predictable
I want some pain that at least I can control
I am used and unwanted I wish I could burn this shell to the ground
My body is aching for abuse because it has no reason now
my mind is screaming at me but all you hear is silence
I can't even die right, what a coincidence
I wish I could say I am nothing but that is not the case
I am a failure, a betrayal, I am my worse mistakes
I want to be free from the prison that is my own mind
the cell walls are my flesh I can cut bars into any time
Where is the happiness I was once promised?
Why is the world so ******* dishonest.
Jenn Yeo Aug 2013
I wanted to fall from a tree with a noose tightly hugging my neck
Because there were things haunting me that I couldn't forget
But you came out of no where and surrounded me with love
You saved me from the pain I was constantly thinking of

Months passed and you continued to kiss the scars that were engraved in my skin
Suddenly it didn't seem so impossible to be happy again
You promised me you'd never leave and that you'd always keep me safe
You told me that you loved me and I told you just the same

One night the phone rang; first your parents then the police
And for the first time in years I dropped down to my knees
Prayed to a god that I was sure didn't exist
I needed you to be safe and I was desperate

With a few hours of sleep I woke up to hear my dad on the phone whispering "oh god"
And suddenly I knew what had went on
I fell to my knees again but not to pray
I screamed in agony "you promised you wouldn't leave me"

So for weeks I didn't eat and struggled to sleep
The hospital was my new home and I got pills handed to me
I created more scars in patterns that screamed I was in pain
Because my lover had killed himself in the rain

Its not your fault my dear but I think it's a shame
That I got left worse then I came
I miss you my lover, my saviour, my best friend.
One day soon I'll join you and we'll be together again.
My boyfriend Martin Saunders committed suicide on January 30th 2013. He was the most perfect human being I had the pleasure to meet and I love him with all my heart. This is a little taste of my story with him.
Jenn Yeo Jan 2014
Today I feel empty
I feel sad
I feel lonely
I feel misunderstood
I feel weighed down
I feel hurt
I feel rejected
I feel remorse
I feel guilt
I feel shame
I feel angry
I feel ugly
I feel bare
I feel useless
I feel selfish
I feel torn
I feel depressed
I feel anxious
I feel pain
I feel endless pain
as each day passes more become added to the list and I wonder how long one can go on like this
Jenn Yeo Jan 2015
It's been two weeks since I've last took a breath
My face is blue and there's pains in my chest
It's been two weeks since I've opened my mouth
Even why I try nothing comes out
It's been two weeks since I've been able to think straight
I've been flooded with thoughts that chain me to my bed by my waist
It's been two weeks I've been holding back
I'm fighting myself from approaching you, it's all that you asked
It's been two weeks and I've been spending everyday worrying that you think I'm fine with this
When you're all that I need and all that I miss
It's been two weeks and I've been trying to find the words
To tell you I'm sorry and it's my fault for all the hurt
It's been two weeks and soon it'll be a month, a year and then a lifetime and I don't know how I'll get through
But you said it was best and I've always had my trust in you
I can't write anymore but my heart still breaks the same
Jenn Yeo Sep 2015
I wish someone would see me and just think "wow"
I wish someone would be scared to talk to me
I wish someone wanted my nose or my smile
I wish someone thought about listening to my voice for hours
I wish someone found me interesting
I wish someone envied anything about me
I wish someone thought about my laugh
I wish someone brought me up in conversation
I wish someone would call me beautiful
Just for once I wish people viewed me as I viewed them
I feel like I pass by so unnoticed
Jenn Yeo Apr 2015
I will write about doing what's right against what you want and doing what you want against what is right. About the truth about love. The truth about life. The simple yet heartbreaking things we move on from but never forget. The what if's; the most complicated we humans came up with. We understand it but never respect it. The so close's, the almost's, the goodbyes and the reasons why. Human nature. Human love. Who's to say what's right or wrong? What's the bigger risk: to go all in or to never go at all? I will write about what to do and maybe find the answer. Realizing you know the truth but never wanted to say it out loud. Saying it out loud and how does it feel? Is 17 too young to feel love, real love? Is it worth dying for? What is worth dying for? I don't know what I'm saying any more.
Jenn Yeo Sep 2014
You stopped caring
about everything you had once loved
(Especially me)
Jenn Yeo Nov 2014
It was because when they left, the secrets I told them didn't stay planted in the bed of our conversations. They pulled them out to take them along and I had to watch them shake the dirt from the roots we had grown
It was because their rough hands burned my skin like acid and their words put holes in me like cigarettes though fabric and I had to bend down to clean up the ashes but it just stained the carpet
It was because they broke heart into a millions of pieces and I was forced to put it back together without any adhesive and when I had nothing and begged for a reason all was quiet from the sky
It was because the sorry's were meaningless and the I love you's accidental
Because who knew love was so detrimental
Because if this was you I think I'd finally go mental
Now do you understand?
Jenn Yeo Oct 2014
When you arrive I am so relieved to see you
because whenever you're around I feel such relief
we only need a brief introduction
Before I pull you near to me
I hold you so close
and feel you against my skin
all that has once plagued me
goes down the drain again
I can't seem to let you go
I love the warmth you bring
but when I finally let you go
I need you close again
I repeat this till I feel better
or light headed or sore
or sometimes I stop to clean
The blood that lies on the floor
Jenn Yeo Nov 2013
You used to be a lover
With the most emotional eyes
And as much as you loved
You couldn't blur the feeling of wanting to die
With tear stained cheeks and demons in your head
You thought it'd be better for all if you were dead

You used to be a talented with an eye for beauty
Although I could never find what you saw in me
With a pencil to paper or a camera to your eyes
It was clear the pain wouldn't suffice

You used to be an adventurer to far and beyond
Even inside others heads to find out what was wrong
But one stormy day you took a final step
What greater adventure is there that death?

— The End —