One
Have you taken your meds today?
You're drinking your anxiety like an alcoholic swallows gin
And I can see the panic in your shaking hands
but the only healing is filled with anti-depressants and sleeping pills
and numbness makes you feel like a corpse

Two
You've gotten a new scar
you show me with wet eyes
And I pretend I don't notice
Because I might just end up shouting
Because I hate that you can't stop
Because I hate that I can't understand
And you think that I didn't care

Three
You look so alone
and I try to come closer
but you've torn a gap so wide between us
that my screams sound like echoes of yours
and I couldn't find a way to reach you
so I stopped trying

Four
You called me heartless
not with your voice but you screamed it in your movement
I felt it in every corner of my mind when I stopped spinning
and all I could think about was you
and I couldn't hate you for your cruelty
because you don't understand what you've done to me

Five
I felt you crashing
not right beside me but a million miles away
and you fought so hard
but couldn't keep up
you said you'd handle it
I should've known you were lying
and now I can't hug you like I used to
and you no longer show me your scars

They tell me to walk away,
To forget about you.
Come what may
They don't have a clue
About how I feel towards you

I think of you everyday;
I don't care about what the others say.
You never leave my mind
And I fantasize about you all the time.
How could loving you be a crime?

I constantly long for your embrace
There is too much time to waste
Another day without you is night.

So quick!
Wrap yourself around me and
Cradle me until the end

my physics book says
since atoms are mostly empty space
nothing can ever really touch
contact is just empty space
upon more empty space
if this is the case
i do not know what it is like to
hold your hand
run my fingers through your vibrant hair
or feel your lips caress mine in a moment of passion
but how can this be true
when i can feel the way
you have
changed my thoughts
healed my mind
and resuscitated my heart
how can they say
my life has not been touched?
even so,
i long for the gap between our atoms to close
for your laughter and kindness and gentle kisses
to fill the crevices of my atoms.
i want to find a way to fill your atoms, too
maybe then
our perfect love will defy physics
and we will collide.

"be my wife" he said
i was filled with dread
anything else was easy
if only those words could please me
but after so many lies
they felt less like a prize
and more like a knife
that was stealing my life

your big brown eyes
are much to wise
to sit by my side
and make me your bride

or at least they should be
i am a me, not a we

and even though I'd love to say yes
and walk down an aisle in a long white dress

after so much hurt
I cant say that word

*yes

once I saw a girl,
with long brown hair and red wrists.
and I thought, how could someone so beautiful be so troubled?
once I saw a girl,
with deep blue eyes and no strength left to stand.
and I thought, how could someone so weak ignore what will make them strong?
once I saw a girl,
with scared wrists, slumped against the bathroom door.
and without thinking,
smashed the mirror.