I love you more
than the air in my lungs
upon which I'm carried
away from your arms

On the right side of the steering wheel
and then
on the wrong side of the road
didn't see it coming
too fast
I'm too slow
flashed before my eyes
my life
is gone

Waiting for the lonely call
just to hear them say
D.O.A.
one last tear will fall
for you
my all

I fall

On the wrong side of the gun
and I hear you say my name
all the memories remain
now stained
see you guide me back
through all
the pain
just to have you go and
****
me
again

Waiting for the lonely call
just to hear them say
D.O.A.
one last tear will fall
for you
my all

I fall
through the mist
into shadow
fall
throughout time
to below
fall
through the hurt
just to have you go
leave me with myself here on my own
no one I can trust here but my own
can't seem to hold on now, hold my own

Waiting for the lonely call
just to hear them say
D.O.A.
one last tear will fall
for you
my all

I fall

i fear
that you have become
my favorite song
i know your words by now
i know the chords
and i can sing along
i’ve even begun to harmonize
and i can hear you everywhere i go
i’ve learned your shape
your phasing
your balance
i hum you softly in a crowd
i scream you loudly in my car
you are always in my lungs
on my lips
in my ear
and my fingers can find you
on any surface
brilliant enough to resonate
something slightly resembling your pattern
i replay you
over and over again
i fear i will grow immune
to the masterpiece you are
the score all too familiar
so i will force myself to stop
i will indulge myself in silence
in books
in statues
in television screens
but i know you still exist
you always will
and i will still recall you well enough
to play along one more time
despite the sour notes i’ll hit
and you will fade from my memory slowly
but i will always
always
remember the hook
the swell
and the nostalgia of the first time i heard you
will overwhelm me
and sustain me

but i fear more
that you will believe
that you will always be that song
never changing
collecting dust
a fading memory
the soundtrack to recollection
but you are
a new record
each song
each lyric
each symphonic incident
every time
you are released

My dark bitter soul may command my tongue
To speak of the things that be not true.
But bitter souls and bitter hearts be young,
And lie of the torment that they go through.

As skies go black and life comes to an end
I realize the glow of stars in her eyes.
And, ye, tho' I shall have to alone fend,
I will miss the ways her eyes ne'er cried.

She protected me when monsters clawed deep,
And took every bullet that shot at me.
And painful secrets in the darkness creep,
And now they've come to have her cease to be.

I'll ne'er have this love for any other
Than she, the seraphim, called my mother.

caught in the fog of yesterday
trying to find meaning in anything I say
and when I fall apart it comes as no surprise
when you dissect the truth that's left between these lies

and you see me under the ice
barely alive but it feels nice
but you gave me this skin
and now I can't tell where you end and I begin

and you saved me but you still bring me down
you stole my face and wore it like a mask around this town
and you had me believing that I was real
but now I know that touch is something I can't feel

i’m gonna let these two wheels take me far away from here
far away from this
far away from you
far away from me
ride as fast as i can as my soul slips out from between my lips
leaving pieces of me littered along the sidewalk
next to the trash from the can
raccoons tipped over
and over
and over
and over again
you watch me go
here i go
i’m going
i promise
i’m leaving
just as soon as i gather up the courage
to break off my wings
and fall over
and over
and over
and over again
in the constant never-ending somersault
of neck breaking freedom
i’ll ride right out in front of the car
that carried me far away from safety and comfort
and lose my blood on the cement
i’m sorry i stained the ground
there’s a hose on the side of the house
but i don’t know if it will reach this far

you are the moon
cold and distant
i cannot touch you
i cannot get close
but you shine in the darkness
illuminating these streets for me
and when i look up to you
and i do
i can see your shaded face looking back
aesthetic in asymmetry
through this two-paned glass
you are so beautiful
how i wish i could hold you
keep you safe in the palms of my hands
reach through the window and pluck you from the sky
lo, i watch you from down here
from afar
and i feel your gravity
i feel you pull me in
the waves crash over me
i feel the tide as it swells in my chest
and you steal away my breath

you are the moon
i watch you
your many phases
and i fear i am but one of them

"Super...just...
   Unbelievably well.
      I've never been better. Honestly, I
        Can't recall the last time
           I felt this
             **** good. I'm happy to be
                Alive and I
                   Love you."

there is a blank email
addressed to you
sitting in my drafts folder
that has been there since my birthday

and in the empty spaces
are all the words i could never tell you
because they do not exist

but you exist
in a chaotic world

and i hope someday i know you

your eyes do not work
they don’t see clear, they are not blue
your skin is not clear
it is not soft, it is not tan
your hair is not soft
it is not straight, it is not blonde
your teeth are not straight
they are not clean, they are not white
your clothes are not clean
they do not fit, color’s faded

you do not fit
and I would never
break
a single part
of you
to shape you to that mould

i reached up my hands

and plucked out a little life

from the low branches

Like words lost,
really gone,
knew death,
sweet,
waiting

walls of thick darkness don't react, fading in around me
my chest is hungry for the venom, the only soothing
i can find behind your teeth, soft clouds break in two
rain falls, suspended in the empty space of the room

You drove a fishing lure into my palm
And told me it was just the beginning
That all homes house beds
And form is just another word

You pointed to the sky
But it was really just a mirror
And all the words I breathed into it
Bounced off and floated on
Like tiny crystal clouds
You gently ****** out of the air

if it’s too hard to say it
then show me
but if you don’t mean it
don’t whisper it in my ear
hidden between your breaths
rhythmic and in time
as your body lies to me

Kiss me again and
I will breathe this time
Letting all of your
Life pour into
My soul and
Erase my own

i feel myself going numb again, and it's nice, and it's scary.

i just wish you'd come rescue me,

but i know i'm on my own.

besides, even if you wanted to, you'd probably be too late.

When Everything feels bad...
                                                      
          ...Nothing feels good...
                    
                                  *Nothing feels good.

oh i’ve cried a million tears for you
til i can’t breathe and my lips are turning blue
and now i sit here wondering what i’m supposed to do
cause i lost it all, i lost it all, but mostly i lost you

i cry myself to sleep each night in bed
cause i can’t get your face out of my head
i lay here singing to myself and wishing i were dead
cause i lost it all, i lost it all, but mostly my best friend

where do i go, cause you know i don’t know
how to be by myself
please tell me what went wrong, i don’t wanna write this song
i wasn’t ready for this

i know that you were never really mine
but i hoped that things would fall in place with time
and now i’m lying through my teeth each time i say i’m fine
cause i lost it all, i lost it all, but mostly lost my mind

i wish we could go back to how things were
and how it was when i felt like your girl
and how i thought back then that you could love me, i was sure
now i lost it all, i lost it all, but mostly my whole world

i’ll drink to your health, cause i can’t help myself
i don’t want no one else
i’ll wait for days that will never be, until the day you turn to me
but i’ll be happy if you’re well

i hope someday you realize that it’s true
how wonderful you are, the good you do
and if i never hold your hand again that’s okay too
but i loved it all, i loved it all, but mostly i loved you

My mother once told me
that all babies are born twice
and once you get old enough
they come and place diamonds in your ear
to miscalibrate your steps
     you learn how to crawl
     right around the time
     you forget how to dream