Manic whiskey dream girl says
The only party trick she knows
Is out drinking the boys
Manic whiskey dream girl knows
You've always been afraid to dance
But here we are
Your body being dragged to the center of the room
Don't worry, she doesn't know this part either
Manic whiskey dream girl says
Lighten up a little while she slams down a glass
The heaven she is trying to create is too big for just one person
Manic whiskey dream girl
Is the perfect screen to project your insecurities on
On her they look so good
Short dress to feed an ego
Long hair to fit the type
Tattoos and masochism
Wrapped into a night of lifting this consciousness off the floor
Manic whiskey dream girl doesn't lift weights
Just sorrows, and hers are too heavy to hold
So she cradles you when you get the spins
Spilling stories out of her mouth like all the clumsy drinks of the night
A transparency so agreeable
A glass with a chip on the side
A risk so small she's worth taking
Manic whiskey dream girl
Slips away without you asking her to
Exits are the most rehearsed act she has
Manic whiskey dream girl
Is too dream girl
And you're almost waking up

I imagine speaking again
My tongue and anvil
My heart a rapid river
I've never had words for you
When everything is on your terms
I forget how to speak my mind
My mouth filling with the ocean
I have swallowed for you
Waves crashing in my chest
Currents flowing through my limbs
But when I speak
The seas and storm will break
My words a gentle stream
I will create a new path
Slow and Steady
No river is the same and
Day by day
I will become something new

Not getting off at that exit
Calms my heart
Going to the park that is now just a park
Removes the lump from my throat
Holding a paint brush like I once held your hand
Stops the shaking limbs
I have become my own lullaby
On nights
Where I learn to embrace a cup of tea
Rather than you

Reeling from the inability to let you go
Your soft words
Your slurring heart
Dragging me on a leash
Made of all the times my heart leapt
And leaked out of my eyes
Dripping onto my chest
Watering the garden of weeds
I thought were flowers
I'm still pulling up roots
Thorns of memories filling my throat
My hands tired and ******
This will be the work of a patient gardener
Forgive the weeds for straining to survive
Forgive the soil for sustaining them
Forgive the gardener for the neglect
And begin to rebuild

I’m sitting in a suffocating silence
In my car
Unable to drag myself inside
Into a house that’s not mine
Into a bed we don’t share
To be alone again
I’m waiting for the day where
The things I do aren’t about you
But old habits die hard
And just like I still reach to pull back the hair that is gone
Reality is the empty space between my fingers
Between me and the ocean of an empty bed
Drowning in the space you left for me
To learn how to swim in

Spilling out secrets
Like a dripping faucet
Through the night
You hold me as the sun comes up
Sewing my chest back together
With a wine stained thread
Pull my hair
And the seams grow closer together

The ukulele gains dust
The lamps aren’t bright enough
There are no songs to fill the space
My voice is lost
Looking down familiar roads
With an ache in its stomach
Knowing the route
But with a pulling reluctance
Taking my foot off the gas
And coasting into silence