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I imagine speaking again
My tongue and anvil
My heart a rapid river
I've never had words for you
When everything is on your terms
I forget how to speak my mind
My mouth filling with the ocean
I have swallowed for you
Waves crashing in my chest
Currents flowing through my limbs
But when I speak
The seas and storm will break
My words a gentle stream
I will create a new path
Slow and Steady
No river is the same and
Day by day
I will become something new
I often hold back from things
Because I'm afraid they won't fill a void
But I have to remember
I'm hurting but
Still whole
Not getting off at that exit
Calms my heart
Going to the park that is now just a park
Removes the lump from my throat
Holding a paint brush like I once held your hand
Stops the shaking limbs
I have become my own lullaby
On nights
Where I learn to embrace a cup of tea
Rather than you
Reeling from the inability to let you go
Your soft words
Your slurring heart
Dragging me on a leash
Made of all the times my heart leapt
And leaked out of my eyes
Dripping onto my chest
Watering the garden of weeds
I thought were flowers
I'm still pulling up roots
Thorns of memories filling my throat
My hands tired and ******
This will be the work of a patient gardener
Forgive the weeds for straining to survive
Forgive the soil for sustaining them
Forgive the gardener for the neglect
And begin to rebuild
I’m gonna scrape off this sadness like Job
With pieces of pots and broken glass
Until I have carved something beautiful
Because don’t you know you can dismantle me
Like the walls of Jericho
Brick by ******* brick
Just with a song
But I’m sitting in a suffocating silence
In my car
Unable to drag myself inside
Into a house that’s not mine
Into a bed we don’t share
To be alone again
I’m waiting for the day where
The things I do aren’t about you
But old habits die hard
And just like I still reach to pull back the hair that is gone
Reality is the empty space between my fingers
Between me and the ocean of an empty bed
Drowning in the space you left for me
To learn how to swim in
Molly Nicole Jun 25
Spilling out secrets
Like a dripping faucet
Through the night
You hold me as the sun comes up
Sewing my chest back together
With a wine stained thread
Pull my hair
And the seams grow closer together
Molly Nicole Dec 2018
The ukulele gains dust
The lamps aren’t bright enough
There are no songs to fill the space
My voice is lost
Looking down familiar roads
With an ache in its stomach
Knowing the route
But with a pulling reluctance
Taking my foot off the gas
And coasting into silence
Molly Nicole Aug 2018
A heavy heart can't drive very fast
And with no destination
I spent my night crawling around side streets
Looking for an excuse to be anywhere
Other than in my own company
Being an introvert does not mean you must prescribe yourself loneliness
But loneliness is the cheap old couch that I just can't sell
Loneliness is the memories-for-decoration that my home is littered with
Loneliness is my own presence not taking up enough space
To fill anything except my bed
Being alone was once a comfort
But now it swallows me whole
Spits me out onto garden city streets
To drive  until I am too tired to steer
Not look as I pass the train tracks to get home
Pull into  the parking lot and sit
My car is easier to fill than a home
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