It’s me there in your sunrise eyes
your swaying hips, your sunset thighs
like tasting sun kissed lemon pies
writhing in your sun soaked ties

My fingers gently wisp your breast
Bite your petals, kiss your chest
Holding you when you need rest
Restrained there at your own behest

It’s me there lapping you like waves
Exploring all your hidden caves
Sensual your body craves
So wild as it misbehaves  

But soon it will be you I’m sure
Who’s pinned me on the sandy floor
Begging me to beg for more
Begging you to touch my core

It will be us then side by side
Arms entwined but neither tied
No foolish thoughts nor foolish pride
No fears or feelings we must hide

Just us there in the fading light
And us there in the quiet night
Again, when next the sun takes flight
Like two birds soaring to great height

Then gently fading out of sight
Yes, gently fading out of sight.

You are the midnight sky above me

Your body stretched out like a canvas
your arms branches,
your legs roots wrapped around me 
strong and sturdy
yet giving
as the wind swirls in gusts around us

Your eyes,
silver pools of moonlight
reflecting, wordlessly, breathlessly but not restlessly
I deepen inside of you

Our hands entwined, extensions of the other,
beauty unrestrained you reach deeper into me,  

Your hair brushing lightly against my chest,
a smile erupting from your lips and a laugh,
sweet surrender in your arms

You are my love,
I’ve known you since I’ve known what knowing is
and knew that there was someone I once knew that I would know again

I loved you since love was born
under a new born sky near a gentle moon
not jealous of the stars but rather loved by them

And so it came to pass that yesterday was today and today was finally tomorrow
but not before we danced along the shoreline stardust trailing in the wind and on the sand behind us, beneath us

Windswept kisses, lightly salted on your lips as they part mine, as we know assuredly that we never will

Let's disappear
       like clouds
            after the rain
                   Tween earth and sky,
                            there is but you and I

I am unconstrained

Tearing my shirt at the chest,
the sun, rippling and warm upon my flesh,
if I am too much, too raw to see,
avert your gaze, lest go blind


I am Undefinable

For I am the poet and the muse
the stamen and the *****,
both sword and soft center
lucid, vivid and lusciously alive


I am unrelenting

Though darkness wields a mighty sword,
it's no match for the golden light
streaming from beneath my skin
in energetic symphony


I am unencumbered

No lovers mischief or betrayal
can cast even the smallest shadow
upon the sun in which I stand
For mine-own's the truest love of all



I am unclothed

All apology in tatters on the floor
Just the scent of sweat and *** and light
Sweet and gentleness unending,
painted boldly, scars and all
with brushes fashioned from the stars


I am untethered

And none but me shall shape this tale
the architect of my design
will is free and has grown strong
no serpents tongue may guide my way


I am unending,

Powered blue and lily white
I wear my scarlet letter like a crown
chartuse center, vivid and soaring,
Sipping moonlight from my hand


I am unafriad, as of yet unwritten

And should you so choose,

I am you

The moment arose, less like a siren, than a sunrise
And I, I began to confess

Not to a lover, or a priest, or to the lover of a priest
Instead to a rain soaked stranger sitting beside me
who’s eyes afforded me assurance that my burdens
would find safe harbor upon his shoulders

Though I churned slowly at the start,
like a steam engine, rolling downhill, my pace quickened
As I transitioned from casual transgressions down
the rabbit’s hole, rich with growing shards of truth

His knowing glance, like Santa Claus to a wayward child,
set at ease any concern that time was limited
and so I slowed, rather than rush past some truth
that demanded full accounting
while in him I found familiarity that I could not place

Though his words were few, they were will chosen, marveling at how
matter-of-factly he regarded my menagerie of secrets, sins and lies,
always with a short story, similarly slanted, in the life of someone he once knew

And feeling not the least put off,
I reached asunder and pulled the roots
of the most stubborn weeds and laid them plain upon the bar as he,
accompanied by a cup of tea, relieved them of their tenacity, reconstructing them as sunflowers whose season,
now soaked with light, was yet to come

I shared the deeds I did, for what I misunderstood love to be,
and how far I had fallen from the places I once stood,
at which point he chuckled
drawing sticks on a napkins back
to show me how much higher I was standing
since making peace with my reflection

Yours are the stories of the world he said with tender conviction
The lies you’ve told, the chase for gold the fear of ever getting old

They are but songs in the opus that you’ve just begun to write
And not a single passerby out there in the twilight feels less guilty
They simply have not yet found the courage to look clearly in the mirror as you are now

And like a caretaker, he swept my confessions into a pile,
exposing a small scar, circle shaped on his left hand
as he coaxed, then chided them into the silver light
that reflected off the bar  from the street lamp that stood patiently in the rain

Without a word he tipped his hat and set off on his way,
while the bartender, perhaps in kindness, charged me but for a single tea

The days to come were filled with love
and more wonder than I’d thought there was
as I, unburdened, learned to walk, then to run and fly

And truth be told the stranger had not crossed my mind
until the day a careless step left a peculiar scar so very strange,
circle shaped on my left hand

With sunrise came a hunger

So I,
I bit deeply into the peach,
that you’d left uncovered
on the bed

And,
drank the juice
sweet and warm
on my tongue
And down by throat

While you,
you seemed delighted
at how quickly
breakfast came

Then
suddenly famished,
took the fruit
all the way
into your mouth
that you’d not finished
the night before

But,
rather than have you
swallow whole,
and risk
choking on
too big a bite,
I pulled you close
sinking easily into
the unfinished peach,
dripping wet on the sheets,
while sharing the taste
on both our lips

Unconcerned with the mess
we devoured with abandon
while you,
without warning
****** your fingers
into my watermelon
roaring with delight

Apples,
then melons
then cherries,
tearing right
through every bunch

Then,
deciding not to waste the seeds,
we moved instead
straight on to lunch

In bright light, your demons look absurd,
dressed in cheap costume, seams showing,
little more than a sheet with holes to make the eyes,

Yet in the dark, they terrify,
prey on your fears,
tear through your defenses,
twisting your desires into your identity
feeding lies back on a loop
“No one will ever love you”
“You’ve already lost the one”
“How pathetic you are”
“She’s was the only and she is gone”
“He’s the only one that could make you come”
“How fat you are, or you’re too skinny”


And you believing them,  
lay down curled in their scaley arms
convinced that they are silk,
while they devour your
beautiful, perfect center,
confusing intimacy with pain,
trust with submission
getting off on your underworld fantasy
as you plan the eulogy
for your own funeral


In the light, you can see
the victim hood that you wear,
of your own design,
sewn by your hand
and pulled tight
over your eyes

With a gentle gesture
you can slide it up above your soft sensitive lenses
and recognize just how alone you’re not,
like a child who hides their eyes
and believe themselves to have disappeared

Love has not abandoned you,
you my love have chosen to share
your unprotected heart with
people and places,
substances and situations that do not serve you


Yet you’re so **** beautiful,
if you could see your
own true form you’d weep
for it’s too much to behold and yet
you lay with leeches willingly;

you’d laugh at the tears your crying
over some silly boy or girl, who, more lost than you,
did you the deepest favor by checking out of the
twisted motel that you’ve fashioned for yourself

She’s not the only one that can make you happy,
he’s not the only one that can make you come;

you’ve confused lust
and desperation with love,
as the dark is so want to make you do

My love; you’ve arrived here,
in a body that is beautiful,
with a gorgeous mind
and a future, that if you choose, can be so bright

I know it’s hard to leave dark places,
having left many of my own
but trust me on this accord,
leave your hood upon the floor,
and though your demons will thrash and scream
politely suggest they **** themselves as you twist the handle on the blinds  and let the light shine brightly in

We need you out here in the light where demons are nothing more
than sheets on springs that will never touch your light again

We see you beautiful, just as you should see yourself.

Somewhere in the distance an alarm is sounding.

For most, it’s transparent,
indistinguishable from the cacophony
of life’s noisy complexity,
causing no disruption in their slumber.

For others, it’s a whisper, one they
are convinced they are imagining,
hearing things perhaps.
One that causes but a shift from
one side of the bed to
the other as the night
becomes strange,
yet continues

For fewer, it’s an itch, a constant
distraction on the razor’s edge.
Like a dream, almost remembered
that slips away when attended to.
They stir in their sleep,
slouching toward morning,
holding on to night.

For fewer still, it’s deafening, impossible
to ignore, evolution, rising like the sun,
at times blinding in it’s beauty, with
a ferocity that demands an audience.
Those few are dreaming lucidly, fully aware
that waking is inevitable, yet still afraid
of the messy road that lay ahead.
Some have opened their eyes
only long enough to strike the alarm
in favor of five more minutes

For the fewest, sitting up in bed, eyes open,
alarm still ringing, groggy, like waking in a
strange bed, unsure of the surroundings.

Recognizing beauty, grateful for the
day, and the moment, coming to terms
with the messy nature of evolution;
so many sleeping in their bed around them as they
themselves, prepare to have their feet on the floor



And a handful have become the alarm.

Walking among the world,
careful not to disturb those
immersed in the dream,
whispering gently to fewer,
speaking quietly to fewer still,
wrapping their arms around the fewest,
rocking them gently,
and warmly embracing
the handful, reunited with
age old friends.

You will know them through
chance encounter, coincidence,
synchronicity, serendipity or happenstance.

You will find them in song, in poetry, in a
summer breeze, an old oak, in a comment
overheard in aisle seventeen.

Listen closely my love. And have no fear,
even the softest light when awakened
is brighter than the most brilliant sun of
the dream.


Somewhere in the distance an alarm is sounding,

calling you to see your own beauty,
to reject the insecurity,
**** the lies,
to recognize the
demons for what they are,
their costumes,
once so convincing,
look absurd in the light of day.

The lover that lied and the lies you tell yourself will
seem so unimportant as black light is useless
in the sun

You were made for the sun.



Somewhere in the distance an alarm is sounding,
it’s time my love, to wake up.

You’ll find me in the kitchen fixing breakfast, your favorite.

There were more than 200 people
at the party, spread out
across my lawn,
from dusk to nearly dawn,
swirling in colorful pockets
of conversation.

Undetected,
one of them left:   ❤️ U  
out of soap, on my bathroom mirror.  

At first I thought perhaps that it was you.
And then, all at once, I realized that it was me.  
It was finally me.
Thus, I drifted off to sleep.

I don't want you to bother
building up a thick lather,
your shower-soaped hand
moving between your legs,
then reaching the long-way round to
spread yourself wide open, bending forward
just so that you can drag the steel edge of a razor across
your soft skin

I’ve never stood
in a field of wild flowers and
thought it to look overgrown

You don’t need a single drop of perfume
on your *******, near your *** or on
your sheer white tank as I don’t mind
the taste or scent
of your sweat,
dripping
from your summer skin,
glistening in the
afternoon heat.

No need to burn
your soft long locks between
two tongs,
to pull them taut, or blow them dry
to make them straight.

Your curls,
untamed and  
and unpredictable
need no refinement;
I'll follow them as they
twist and turn

I want you my love,
unvarnished,
unapologetic,
unfinished,
unrealistic,
and most
assuredly
unshaven.

When next love knocks upon my door
I'll invite her in with warm regard
and offer her a cup of tea
as we make introductions

When next love knocks upon my door
I'll not rush her or make haste
but rather let the time unfold
as naturally as ocean tides

The next time love knocks on my door
I’ll set aside all expectation
like children dancing in the rain
happy just to be alive

When next love knocks upon my door
I’ll find a way to let her know
that while I’ve not been waiting for her
I’m happy she’s arrived
she’ll find someone that loves themselves
absolving her of great demands
save for just a moonlit dance

When next love knocks upon my door
I'll read her verses that I've written
and sing her songs forged by my hands
to make the shape of my heart plain

If love decides that she will stay,
not for the night, for ever more
I’ll love both wisely and too well
And remove the knocker from my door

Don’t look long on the darkening of the night
And give no energy to their gaze
They look upon us from crumbling vantage points
steadfast but hands empty, save for what they steal

Don’t look long on gilded pyres
Give no contribution to their cause
hollow eyed and wayward souls
They’re simply drawn to you my dear

Don’t look deeply into the dark
And hope that you will find the light
The bottom is still much further down
but it tries yet still to brush itself across your lips

Don’t look at your own reflection
through the lens that they provide
Instead sit here in repose
And conjure images of light

Don’t look away from truth
But Be the seer and the seen
and let the rag and bones
of the pretty broken turn their indifference elsewhere

Don’t look for answers in the darkness
no great secrets will be revealed
It’s just a place where hope’s been *****
tragic fools are fools none the less

Don’t look for glory in extinction
There nothing romantic about being dead
And vampire’s teeth hold no beauty
A lesson learned too late for some

Don’t look for ecstasy in the pain
An ****** isn’t worth your soul
You’ve no idea how great the risk
And how quickly your wager will be lost

Don’t look but in my eyes my dear
And walk with me from this place
There’s nothing that I want from you
But to see you delivered, unharmed.

It’s not the relationship that you’re holding on to.

Nor is it the person
lying on the other side of the bed,
across an unreachable chasm
breathing softly in the night

He is merely a part of the illusion
that you so intricately carved
and then pinned on this
unwitting soul saddled with your expectations

made him your atlas, weighed down by
your insecurities, unexamined truths that
rather than explore, you’d hoped he'd vanquish

And when he could not slay the invisible
dragons (for he is fighting with his own)
you began to hate him almost as much
as you do yourself

and yes I know, while wine nearly dulls the senses
enough to not hate being taken from behind on occasion,
it only leaves you with muffled tears once the flush
of lust has passed.

No my love it’s not.
It’s not the relationship that you’re holding on to.

You never even liked his laugh,
but he was enough to momentarily
quiet the insecurities that torment you
on your mind’s playground
that tell  you that you’re not worth loving,
how no one wants a girl with scars or
stds or two young kids


It’s not his fault nor is it yours,
release him of your shackling hopes
and don’t waste time with anger for him
not being what he never was.

Then start down a path cut by love’s
sharp edge, through the thick overgrowth of fear
rather than the other way around

And on your own, you will discover
that beauty is but the reflection of the
light that you already possess, that the playground bullies lie and that you're so deserving of your own love
and understand the lover that you want isn’t the one that is seeking the insecure, for insecure only seeks the same

I know my love.
I know that you’re afraid to loosen your grip.

But I promise you this much is true,
if you let this go and instead use your hands
to reach inside, to find out who you really are,
the light that shines from your eyes
will light the world, and as an incidental
artifact,  attract a lover matched in full

  
It’s not the relationship that you’re holding on to.

And the time has come my love,
to just let go.

I fell in love with you in metaphors. Having never seen you, but reading every word you write.

The way you dangle your participles, naked and raw, yet still soft and round, then casually leave unfinished sentences as if to say, please, finish me as you will

You tempt with your soft parentheses, tightly wrapped around my waist, the words they squeeze rubbing up against the curves

Your similes, a sideways smile, like the cat, canary gone, pull me closer until your delicate punctuation is so warm, so wet, I can feel it pressed against me, you alliterate, such sweet surrender, so sublime, and I succumb

I want you now in rhyme, in verse, in prose, in  sweet haiku

     'where in so few words
you trace the shape of my heart
         and then (somehow) paint its hue'


I fell in love with all your metaphors, the way your sentence structure feels pressed hard against my body, devilishly running on so that I'll follow ,your undulating syllables, your firm round letters, your tight sweet semi-colon, that no common comma could replace.

I reach my hand down below the sheets and beneath the wasteband that gives way,
to find myself engorged

And though I know we've not yet met,
I find my love still yet to be,
climbing up the bed I've conjured,
while laying between wake and sleep

I've done things that make some blush,
that I'd never thought I'd do
But with no regret, nor pride
Looking back on seasons passed,
while dining in hell's lobby

Boys and girls and girls and boys
And boys and boys and all those games
At times tied down, straddled by an angry hearted girl looking to exact revenge on past lovers by digging in to my softer parts while forcing me to ask for more

And yes at times, the one on top, succumbing
to the darker drives, holding firm onto the wrists
of a lover, begging for a harder smack, a stronger sting, a more forceful pull on her locks, and coming only when she's felt sufficient pain to satisfy her shadow

And yes it's true, nights when still, I can't be sure in the pile
whose hands were where, whose mouth it was that wrapped around me
When tangled in so many arms, that truth becomes a story that we tell ourselves should we recall the night before

And if by chance, my reading friend, you're out there now tangled up in twisted sheets, drink until you've  had enough,  but not so deep that you mistake  neon for the sun,  as  there are some that never leave the shadow's cave

For as I lay here now alone, only two hands in this bed, not feeling lonely but instead, a sense of peace while still turned on.  
Having danced in demons arms and finding not the truth I sought,  I sinned my way to virtue

Where now I wait, for one true love, that will accept the things I've done and those things that were done to me that  even now are too much to tell

My self engorged, I touch my body, not with shame and with my head not filled with darker scenes as I've lived them all, and now have found that I prefer the sweetness and the light

Perhaps, I said.
But first, there's something
I must ask of you.  

Wrap one arm across your chest and embrace
the shoulder with the scar you  hide.  
With the other, place your  hand,
ever so gently, on your belly,
too soft though you think it is

Whisper now, but not for me, or any other
Just for you.  Whisper what you've been
withholding from yourself these many years

'I love you'  and not the you that you pretend to be, or the you you think someone else will love.  

The you, that is so delicate and beautiful, a tiger and a lamb.  The you who only wants you to notice the way your laughter sounds like sunshine,  the you that doesn't understand why you give yourself away to everyone else.  The one who loves you most.

'I love you' to the only one that if you truly love, will set you free to chase the wind and drink the rain from the sky with abandon.

Love the you that has suffered by your side with every choice, compelled by fear, that lead you places you knew better than to go, following beautiful creatures into the dark

Please, embrace yourself now,  give the love that you deserve, that you've spilled like wine along your path but never sipped.  

And when you have, you'll find me out beneath the stars lying in the grass.

Erstwhile, the morning came a new.  
Yet you, in your self imposed blindness,
failed to see the brilliance of the sunrise.
This being the lessor of two tragedies,
as the light within you, both brighter
and eternal remains equally unnoticed.

We'll meet in our life's afternoon
As the morning's all but gone
Lessons learned, small scars, big tears,
but no regrets at all

I'll share the bread and wine I've brought
Half or more, I have enough
I built small castles 'long the way
Money and its comforts
this time easily they came

I'll be merely who I am
I stopped pretending long ago,
to be something that I'm not
or caring what the critics say
When writing of me in the times

And so I'll meet you free and clear
Mind and body, both are sound
Thanks to yoga, and reflection
About life's meaning and that of love
One and the same they seem to be

Please don't rush; I will be here
Take care to learn your lessons well
Arrive too soon and you'll still be searching
For the self you've yet to find

How lovely though that day will be
And all they days from then till night
Walking hand in hand
No concern of other lovers
or casual friends that want us just the same

And we will have the love
that lovers always dream of
but never preserve to find
and exiting too soon
wind up miles from the spot

I'll meet you by the rising sun
And somehow will just know your name
As you will mine, and hair and eyes
While moving at the spend of sound
My lover, soon is soon enough

At first,

It’s barely an itch.

Slowly it worsens.

You drown it in wine.

It learns to swim.

You *******.

It still smolders.

It burns.

And then,

You add gasoline

And rage along side of it

Inevitability.

You took a lover

But wanted a savior

To make you whole.

To complete you.

And when he was only a lover

You began to hate him

For not being what he never was

What you tried to make him

He couldn’t save you

Only you can.

And when you do,

you’ll be ready for a lover.

One that’s already saved himself

Instead of two halves

You’ll be two wholes

Through which light will shine

Gripping tightly, my left hand ‘round the sharp blade of a knife
while gently caressing your hair with the other

I’ve tried so hard to hold on to you without losing myself

I’ve twisted and turned reality, railing against the tide
desperately searching for a way
a way to make something not what it actually is
like an alchemist off the rails, high on vapor

And yet finally, with the futility of it all sublimely amusing
the pain finally searing beyond my ability to tolerate,
I must finally come to terms with the meaning of goodbye

Not goodbye as in ‘maybe someday’
or goodbye as in ‘until we meet again’
Goodbye with a capital G, with finality, with certainty

And not the first goodbye, or one of many, rather
The last goodbye, the one from which there is no return trip

I loved you as best I could, and with abandon
But in the end, I must choose myself

I must choose my own life, and if that means killing
the fetus of our metaphoric future, then so be it

There can be nothing left.  Scorched earth.  
No glimmer of hope, not a grain of sand
We aren’t tragic heroes, we’re just tragic

I won’t turn back as I walk away,
even so briefly, to look in your direction

I won’t unintentionally find my way
onto your street for an accidental encounter
I won’t consciously unconsciously keep you hanging
to ease my fear

Find a lover or don’t
Find another, don’t
Either way I choose me this time, for the first time. Ever.

Not just good day sir,

Goodbye

If yesterday were your last
And today you were at rest
You’d no longer have to worry
About how you looked in the picture
that your sister took while you weren’t looking
Or whether or not your neighbors dog continued to bark after six
You’d forgive your ex for the mistakes you both made
along with your daughter for running away with that Alex

Yet if there were enough magic left in the night
to give you one more tomorrow

You wouldn’t worry about your broken heart
Or your net worth

You’d probably just sit among the lilies
struck by the beauty of the sun
And for the first time realize,
just how beautiful the world is

So why then won’t you please do that while you’re alive

But I love him.

Yet you are so unhappy.

But I love him.

Yet you cry all the time.

But I love him.

Yet you miss so many flowers in your path, lost in sadness.

But I love him.

Yet you don’t feel loved.

But I love him.

Yet you don’t feel fulfilled.

But I love him.

Tell me, what does love mean to you?

To need someone so much.

Need and love are not the same.

To want to be with someone all the time.

That is not love, that is desire.

To want them so badly, naked in my arms.

That is not love, that is attraction.

To miss someone so much.

That is not love, that is loneliness.

To get so angry thinking of them with someone else.

That is not love, that is jealousy.

To know that this is the only person that can make me happy.

And yet you are not happy.

To feel so afraid of losing someone.

That is not love, that is fear.

Then what is love?

Love is wanting what’s best for another, even if that is not being with you.

I do not feel that way, I want him with me.

Love is an appreciation for someone as they are with no need or desire to change them.

I do not feel that way, there are things he should change.

Love is an open, brilliant energy that transcends time, that is present always and that needs nothing in return.

I don’t have that for him.

Perhaps you are not in love.

It seems that I am not.

What are you then?

I am in need, I am afraid, I am lonely and I'm directing it at him.

And?

And so it is not love.

Are you sure?

Yes.  Now I am. Quite.

Then, your journey can begin.

It doesn't happen very often any more
But at times
The darkness calls
And I, feeling pulled
Betray my better self in favor of
A temporary respite from the loneliness.  
And though the path I'm on isn't perfectly straight, it's perfectly imperfect in all its human messiness

And it's beautiful, for all of our madness comes
from within, as so does our exquisiteness.

If darkness calls on you, and you find yourself
Unable to resist, I will love you just the same
in the morning, as we are more brothers, lovers, sisters than we are distant cousins.  

And you are not the darkness
You are not the pain
You're the seer and the seen
And it's not always easy
to refuse the mad hatter's offer for tea

Dearest,

It seems the front is more dangerous in these waning days of spring and talks of peace were premature; I know yet not when I'll return

I long for moments under the two-trunk oak near farmer's bend where we spent many an afternoon.
And I'm embarrassed to say that I've thought of having taken your dress up above your waist on more than one occasion to distract myself from mortar rounds and far away cries in the darkness

Tomorrow it seems we are going to see the worst of it, at least that's what I've heard, though rumors, like ghosts, dance among the battlefields so I can't be certain

Dearest, I've loved you since you were eight years old, wearing your sister's shoes two sizes bigger than you feet could fill and freckles from cheek to cheek and I love you ever more still each day

I've not heard from you in so very long, the silence is nearly unbearable, though the mail has been unpredictable and I fight to stay positive.  I pray these words reach your eyes  with haste and this kiss your lips without.

Ever yours,

I don’t know how I never noticed
the fairy dust, that now I can so clearly see
sprinkled gently across your cheeks
Along your neck, and dancing down
across your breast, to your edges
round and soft, reflecting light
beneath your heart

Some how it seems, for so very long
You hid your wand, behind your back
In places that I couldn't see
Yet making magic all the while

so I finally understand, how it is
that so many wishes wished came true
while walking hand in hand beside you
summer sun or winters snow both
having the same glimmer that I now so clearly recognize, sparking in your eyes

We cracked the sun wide open
and drank till light spilled across our chins
then down our chests
until our shirts were drenched
your pale skin and pink petals
Glimmering through the sheer white wool

And not even the least put off
You tore your blouse right from your back
and roared with laughter and delight
tearing mine while running toward the shore

We pulled two stars down from sunset skies
And hung them from your gentle lobes
And though they tried could not eclipse
The light from your true self exposed

Growing weary from the day
We tore  fabric from the clouds
And made a blanket on the ground
Near the waters edge

We slipped out of our sun soaked clothes
And drank so gently from the moon
From root to crown in deep embrace
made love like lovers, friends and fools

We thanked the sun and thanked the stars
While drifting off to dream
interlaced our hands and legs and hearts
And rocked the night to sleep

You did not catch me when I leapt

and so I met my self in full

then leant my self a warm embrace

and laid down in the moonlight's gaze


You did not catch me when I leapt

but then never were you meant to

How funny such a notion is

mistaking caught for love


And so I danced there with my self

the first time in so many moons

It seems that I’d forgotten

just how lovely that can be


I belly laughed for days on end

and held my self as we both cried

I'd found the arms I'd so long missed

While waiting for the sun to rise


You did not catch me when I leapt

And so you gave the greatest gift

returning what I’d long since lost

and forgotten that I’d had

I wait for you beneath the stars, in the place that we agreed upon
In a dream I can’t remember, though I’m sure we both were there
And though others ask if anyone is sitting in the empty seat beside me
I tell them that it’s spoken for and see them on their way

I wait for you beneath the stars, in the place near where the wind begins
With fresh cut grass and dandelions and sand down to the shore
And when it’s clear I see your face among the constellations
And when it’s not I see your heart float among the clouds

I wait for you beneath the stars, in the place that we agreed upon
The fire burning just enough to warm two cups of tea
And when you arrive I’ll know you by the words you spoke
when you told me……….well, you already know

If there’s no you then
I wouldn't have cut my hair at odd angles
and shapes in anger because you
****** a disco chick whose breath,
So full of smoke and ashes ,I tasted
On your lips even still this morning

If there’s no you,

Maybe I’m still the disco chick
Dancing till sunrise, kissing strangers
Feeling myself be felt by someone else

hair
      down
              to
                 just
                     above
                            my
                                hot round
                                                 ***

Which looks so good from dancing in
Heels which you know is hard to do

If there’s no you,

There’s me.  Still lonely perhaps

But then I’m the one that will have
The smoke and ashes of the disco chick
On my breath in the morning, she will
Find me far more pleasing with my mouth
below her waist then she could possibly
Have found you to be

And tonight, they’ll be no you

They’ll just be me, me and her because
I took her number from your phone
Just before I packed my bag
And left the hair behind

----------------------------/

There was never any keeping us part

It was physics as much as it was madness

Drawn together, compelled maybe, I'm just not sure

One plus, one minus, both magnetized, cocked and fully loaded.

In a single fluid motion from strangers to lovers to so entangled and entwined, so inextricably linked we long ago lost sight of where one of us Begins and the other ends

I don't think it's healthy

It can't be healthy

To need the other to breathe, to drink you as my water, to be your cure, to consume ourselves so completely, hours pass in minutes, days in moments, I miss you when I'm with you, I miss me when I'm not, and I'm no longer entirely sure which is which

I don't think it's healthy

I think the pace is quickening.  I can feel it but I don't know where and I know I should, but I don't want it to slow down.

People are starting to notice.

They're attracted and afraid, were just too close, too connected, fiercely loyal, but running like a freight train unbalanced, pitched at 45°, swinging around a pass on a mountain side overlooking a bottomless ravine and we've both stopped conducting.  

I think we're into deep,

                                   but I like it


so please, write back soon.

Why must I make my poem rhyme
she scoffed as though it was a crime

Seven and three quarter years
beneath her belt, she held back tears


Because, the teacher slowly said,
it's how it's done and how it's read

Now finish please and when you're done
off to recess quickly run


'But what if what they've done is wrong'
her body small, but head so strong

The foot she stomped sized merely three
her ribbon tied so carelessly


What ever do you mean my child?
And what is making you so wild?

A poem rhymes a bird it flies
but not a chicken, though hard it tries


Now tell me what's got in to you?
What is it that you want to do?

What are these words of which you speak?
That make you make the floor boards creek?

That make raise your voice to me?
The one who knows how things should be!


The little girl walked to her chair
Her poem waiting for her there

And tried to see the paper clear
though far she could, could not see near


And when she spoke her words aloud,
she stood so tall, and looked so proud

'My teacher is the greatest, the best I've ever had, I love her and she is  the nicest and most smart'
        the young girl cried with all her heart.


The teachers eyes welled up with tears
having spent a hundred thankless years

Wiping noses and reprimanding,
with parents always so demanding


And looking round the empty room,
it suddenly lost all it's gloom

She picked up the girl and held her near,
' To hell with all the rules my dear'

And from her apple took a bite,
and said I was wrong and you were correct

I wish I could blame you

for the cracking of my heart

that left me languid, and gasping for air

I wish I could blame you

but I am that one that drew you in to my  syringe

and injected you so deeply

so deeply


I knew the risks

don’t we all,



when we abdicate the throne of our heart to another king or queen

and believe that some one else can make us whole


aren’t we the fool?

and then we protest the way we are ruled

and gnash our teeth when they decide to seek another kingdom
or to rule another secretly; one that’s not protesting


I wish I could blame you

for wearing the crown I gave to you

for becoming the tyrant I allowed you to be


I could recount every deed in great detail

all the crimes against my heart

and wave my righteous indignation like a flag


but it’s not the drug, it’s the one that pushes it into their veins that is at fault

as I pushed you

so deeply

................

She said ‘I love you’ into the phone.  

But it wasn’t the perfunctory close to a call

Or to illicit an echoed response

I love you;

She emphasized the love and instead of allowing the you to trail off indiscriminately,

she held it up as if to say, it’s you that I love, and no other.

I love you;

Though she didn’t emphasize the I, she didn’t need to, would never have to

so long as the love was so authentic.  So much so that  she even surprised herself

owing more to a tidal wave than a creeping up on

I love you

nearly swept her away as she was walking up the stairs from the cafe

back into the quad, sun shinning, and breeze gentle

I love you wasn’t the end of the call, it was but the beginning

For a thousand days
And for a thousand more
If she could not recall

That she was the warmth of the world
The light that shone upon Birthday mornings,
lazy afternoons, and first time meetings of lovers yet to be

Would she not still be the sun?
Would she not still be as bright?
Would she not still be the brilliant possibility of tomorrow rising?

What then, if the sun forgot?
It would still be the Sun

As it is with you

And my boat finally settles

It floats listlessly but without disruption

I lay, eyes closed, sleepless

four daiquiris deep, You call

Four daiquiris deep you disappear

And they return

.............

......................

I know brave one.

I know 11 betrayed your trust

I know 12 broke your body

I know 13 cracked your heart

I know brave one.

I know how hard you try even so.

I know how you wipe your nose and your eyes and straighten your shirt to look less on the outside how you feel on the inside.

I know how hard you work to stop your lower lip from quivering when you feel emotions that are bigger than you are, that could fill the sky.

I know brave one; I know.

I know how hard you try to be strong; sometimes so hard that you convince yourself that the angry person in the mirror is you.

I know how cruel the world can be and how your soft petals have been torn from your rose colored heart

I know my love.

I know that you can’t see me right now

I know that you  you can’t hear my voice

But I’m right here beside you.

My arm is around your shoulder.

You are not alone.

You’ve never been alone.

Even in the darkest moments where they tore at your hair, your clothing, your soul

I know you think they took things from you that you can’t get back.

I know.

It’s ok brave one.

There’s no shame here.

No need to hide your face, to bury your tears

I know the places you’ve been, the things you’ve done

I know everything you’ve done.

And I love you all the more for it

I know the wall you’ve built.

I know the chains you’ve fashioned.

I know.

I know the love that you’re looking for, to make you feel better, to feel whole.

I know how you long for it, crave it.

And I know that the more you look for it the further away it seems to be.

I know.

You are not alone.  

Each of our stories is different, and yet they are the same.

Our young hearts have all been twisted.

Our soft parts have all been scarred.

I wish that I could scoop you up in all those moments and hold you close to me no matter what they were doing

You are brave my little one.

Brave to have come here at all, to have agreed to live this life, to take these beatings for us all.

And  if you could see yourself clearly you’d cry at the depth of your own beauty and
Shade your eyes from the shimmer of your light.

You’d be devastated by your own depth and strength

You’d be even braver than you already are.

I know brave one.

And one day perhaps you will love you the way that I do, for I am you.  

And I love you Unconditionally.

I made you something you’re not.

I made you sweeter than you were, like summer rain or springs’ blossom.

I’ve made you something you weren’t.

I made you honest.

I made you the victim of circumstance.

I made you beautiful inside and out.  

And if the light revealed cracks in your plaster, I turned them off.

I made you something you’re not.

I made the worst parts of you my fault.

I made your responsibilities into something they’re not; I made them mine.

I made your intentions pure.

I made you kind.  

I built an illusion and let myself believe it to be real.

You let me make you these things; knowing that you were not.

You could not help yourself; I understand.

I taught you the notes to play to make my heart open, even though the song was never yours.  

I made you play it and you obliged.

I made you something you’re not.

I made you into the lover, pushing past the furthest boundaries.

I made you good for me.

I made you right for me.

I made the lies you told into truth.

I dismissed the warnings.

I dismissed reality in favor of the most compelling of dreams and hid in the shadow of the nightmare to stay asleep.

I made you into something you’re not.

Perfect for me.

Kind to me.

Honest with me.

I made you into my ocean and swam your depths.

I made you into my safe harbor, even as the waves battered my boat at your dock.

I let you hope that I would swim too deep, that I would get caught on an ancient shipwreck, moored to you forever.

The darkest part of me was hoping for the same; for choice to be removed, to be bound to you.

Intentionally unwittingly.

I let you take from me.

I let you drink from me until it was no longer safe; and knowing it was no longer safe, your sunk your teeth deeper and you drank deeper still.

I don’t blame you.

I am slowly waking up.

I made you into something you’re not.

I am to blame.

I loved you; I love you.

I loved and love the you that there isn’t, that there never was.

I made you into something you’re not.

I made you into something you never were.

I made you into something you will never be.

I made you mine.