................

She said ‘I love you’ into the phone.  

But it wasn’t the perfunctory close to a call

Or to illicit an echoed response

I love you;

She emphasized the love and instead of allowing the you to trail off indiscriminately,

she held it up as if to say, it’s you that I love, and no other.

I love you;

Though she didn’t emphasize the I, she didn’t need to, would never have to

so long as the love was so authentic.  So much so that  she even surprised herself

owing more to a tidal wave than a creeping up on

I love you

nearly swept her away as she was walking up the stairs from the cafe

back into the quad, sun shinning, and breeze gentle

I love you wasn’t the end of the call, it was but the beginning

For a thousand days
And for a thousand more
If she could not recall

That she was the warmth of the world
The light that shone upon Birthday mornings,
lazy afternoons, and first time meetings of lovers yet to be

Would she not still be the sun?
Would she not still be as bright?
Would she not still be the brilliant possibility of tomorrow rising?

What then, if the sun forgot?
It would still be the Sun

As it is with you

And my boat finally settles

It floats listlessly but without disruption

I lay, eyes closed, sleepless

four daiquiris deep, You call

Four daiquiris deep you disappear

And they return

.............

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I know brave one.

I know 11 betrayed your trust

I know 12 broke your body

I know 13 cracked your heart

I know brave one.

I know how hard you try even so.

I know how you wipe your nose and your eyes and straighten your shirt to look less on the outside how you feel on the inside.

I know how hard you work to stop your lower lip from quivering when you feel emotions that are bigger than you are, that could fill the sky.

I know brave one; I know.

I know how hard you try to be strong; sometimes so hard that you convince yourself that the angry person in the mirror is you.

I know how cruel the world can be and how your soft petals have been torn from your rose colored heart

I know my love.

I know that you can’t see me right now

I know that you  you can’t hear my voice

But I’m right here beside you.

My arm is around your shoulder.

You are not alone.

You’ve never been alone.

Even in the darkest moments where they tore at your hair, your clothing, your soul

I know you think they took things from you that you can’t get back.

I know.

It’s ok brave one.

There’s no shame here.

No need to hide your face, to bury your tears

I know the places you’ve been, the things you’ve done

I know everything you’ve done.

And I love you all the more for it

I know the wall you’ve built.

I know the chains you’ve fashioned.

I know.

I know the love that you’re looking for, to make you feel better, to feel whole.

I know how you long for it, crave it.

And I know that the more you look for it the further away it seems to be.

I know.

You are not alone.  

Each of our stories is different, and yet they are the same.

Our young hearts have all been twisted.

Our soft parts have all been scarred.

I wish that I could scoop you up in all those moments and hold you close to me no matter what they were doing

You are brave my little one.

Brave to have come here at all, to have agreed to live this life, to take these beatings for us all.

And  if you could see yourself clearly you’d cry at the depth of your own beauty and
Shade your eyes from the shimmer of your light.

You’d be devastated by your own depth and strength

You’d be even braver than you already are.

I know brave one.

And one day perhaps you will love you the way that I do, for I am you.  

And I love you Unconditionally.