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JCkilledme Oct 2013
xo
Sometimes sadness is an addiction
& im never quite sure if i'm sober.
you drink for the feeling but never for the taste.
and sometimes people leave and things crack and you cant duct tape yourself together.
so you stay, hoping you'll fix yourself one day,
to only end up overdosing.
JCkilledme Oct 2013
sometimes i wonder if my sadness is the only thing ive truly ever loved.
at night, i breathe in my loneliness as if it was the sweetest air that could pass my lips.
i remember when i first noticed you getting tired of trying to figure out what was wrong.
and at that, the end of most days you would look for new wounds on my body
for all the times you have let me down
but most of all i remember choking...
choking.....
choking on a word i thought would come out so easily....


*stay
JCkilledme Oct 2013
depression ***** more violently than a *** craved maniac
JCkilledme Oct 2013
(i)
cover up all the mirrors in your room.
you may not be perfect but you are ******* beautiful and you are so much more than smoke in the mirror.
you are more than just bones and muscle.
you need to know that you are more than your three dimensional existence.

(ii)
throw away all your knives
and your lighters
i know you think that sometimes you need to cover yourself in artwork made from red ink and pink rubbery skin to remind yourself you can still feel, but remember "the red water of the bathtub cannot change the color of the sea at all".

(iii)
Eat.
your body is a temple, not an abandoned house.
you do not get to starve it of happiness or demolish it with your hatred
you cannot crucify your own skin just because you feel like its getting hard to breathe
stop using the excuse of wanting to be health, or vegan because every time you do that, you're letting your demons win

(iv)
its okay if you go to bed without him
i know you think that you need him to save you
that perhaps he will heal all your wounds
but he won't
sometimes, there is no prince and you need to be your own savior
because sometimes we, are all we have
and that
is completely **okay.
JCkilledme Oct 2013
I need you to stop looking at me as if i were a burning building with no windows open.
today when i woke up, i finally broke free
I no longer hear your voice in my ear
or reminisce the memory of your fingertips on my skin.
Lately ive been thinking that all my life has been till now is an empty bed and i am now just buying sheets, blankets, and pillows.
Love, i used to believe you were the best parts of me
but now i realized without you, i am so much better
you no longer have the be afraid that you'll break me
because this time
i'm rebuilding myself
with shatterproof glass and fireproof walls
i know some days i will probably miss you more than breathing and life itself
but it has taken three winters to get here
and i am not turning back
i cant...
JCkilledme Oct 2013
I bleed to be your drink:
is not the blood of poets, or the ink?
JCkilledme Oct 2013
I want you
at 3 in the morning
when were so busy with getting wasted
fighting our fears
since we stopped fighting each other.
I want you
real, raw and breathing
i want to trace your scars as you tell me their stories
voice shaking, but still proud
I want you
and your loneliest thoughts
your tangled ribs
and your bruised knuckles
i want you
when you're breathing
but barely alive.
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