I think I am a wallflower.
Someone who observes life instead of experiencing it
A good listener who doesn't judge
Socially awkward
Not many friends
I'm the type that does well in school
I stay up all night to finish an amazing book
I love art but I'm horrible at creating it
I love boy bands and old music
I'd like to think I'm a nice person
But who am I kidding
I'm crazy
I fell hopelessly in love with this guy
Who couldn't accept me
I grew tired of being normal
So I quit because I like me.

I think I need a revolution.
Everybody hates running.
I want to live in a little apartment in New York, overlooking a cobblestone street. And when it rains I want to sit by the window with a cup of sweet, hot tea, and watch the glow of the streetlights paint those stones and glance off the bricks of all the walls, and shimmer in the drops. I want to see neon streaks along the cars that slip by, sleek. I want a cat on my lap. I want somebody's warm arms around me, and a soft husky feminine voice asking me why don't I come back to bed, honey? I want to linger for a second, soak up the beauty of my world, because I finally can, because I can finally afford to linger alone somewhere instead of constantly fleeing thoughts and memories that bite like flung razors at my back. I want to pause and admire my entire existence, unhindered by melancholy, because finally my life is not unendurable. I want that chance, for that night. For that moment in the quiet hours of the morning, sitting apart from the world, warm and happy and finally safe, looking at its exquisite presence.
But to get that chance, I must keep running. If I stop, if I let it get me, I will never see that day. And that is why I fill my life with distractions and flee my deepest thoughts when they come upon me. It's why the journals stopped for now, and why I hardly draw anymore, and why I am extremely careful which songs make it to my ears. I'm in a race. And if I win, I will win my safety, my security, my life. But if I lose... I lose even more than that. I lose every moment I spent hoping for any of those things. I have to keep
running.

over the fence
my neighbor asks me:
Where are you from?

My passport says
I’m Citizen,
I reply
It also records where I was born
but really, I’m from deep inside

Neighbor does not chat to me anymore
and seeing me on our walks
Neighbor nods warily
and crosses over to the other side

Could you be polite to people?
my wife admonishes me daily

But I’m puzzled
*Why don’t people want to know the truth?
I am, after all, from deep within
Aren't we all?

I manipulated hearts today-
Without guilt I was in control
and it felt good.

With my own hands
I cut them,
With my own hands
I felt them,
With my own imagination
I twisted them until they fit just right.
Just like placing stars in
the magic of the night.

I cut out paper hearts today,
Twenty four of them.
It all seemed perfect,
One heart for every hour-
In a day,
That we're apart.

I moved them,
The hearts,
And shaped them-
And spread them apart,
Like time zones between here,
And Australia.

If only there wasn't a time zone bewteen us,
If only there wasn't your destiny and mine-
If somehow these hearts could beat together;
The rhythm to a love song-
But they cannot...

They're paper thin
hoping to win,
The hands of someone
to hold them.

Who you know
with wrists like mine?
that can flick
and fetch the waters
from their sleep.

I sling my hair
and dare the waves
to crash their crests
against the rocks.

I wash my foes
of their flaws.

Those men
who cast their eyes
along my curves
have no business fishing
for my lines
when they've got wives
at home
so I hold their stares
as I stir their demise.

Their ships
my lips
both parting
to the rhythm
of high tide.  

I tried to warn them.
I tried to keep them at bay.

Away
I sang.
But they got so tied
on my tongue
and its tune
they missed the poison
perched on my lyrics.

I lift the sea
'cause I seek their attention.
I am tempted to hang a sign:

Dear sailor boys
untie your fix
on my hips
before you find
your bow broken.
- Sincerely Siren.

Regret and I have slept,
and walked,
since the days she was teacher's pet.

Now, I wish my life hence,
resting my back,
on sharp finial fence.

As I sink on barbed fleur de lys,
waiting for my life to cease,
I behold my stars of Gemini,
and it is she and I.

My last vapor on the cold night lake,
dresses the stars, and I hear her say,
" Would you like to dance?"
and this time I say "yes",
as body slides down heart shaped lance.

I am heart to heart with lys,
and begin to cease,
but heart to heart with her,
in the night lake above,
grasping upward as I succumb.








"

You forgot everything..
Even me..
Even the time we were talking for hours.
But that's life, hard enough to hurt you.
The only truth is that, indeed, nothing lasts forever,
especially the good things and the lovely memories.
But there's a good thing in all this misery,
nobody can forget.
That's why I won't forget you and those memories,
because I can't...