I've gotten myself a secret chest
Full of letters that won't lie.
Stored inside would be all me,
I'd write until I die.
They'd be filled with words I never said
To you to you and you.
They're everything I ever loved,
They're everything I ever hated,
They're everything I felt


Whilst you were gone.

Passing all those drunkards on the street,
All high on wine and beer,
I spot the many different ones,
But none as bad as you.

Rainbows are just well-concealed illusions.
Always seen as happy, colourful... happy.
But don't you see, rainbows are really
All frowns. Made in rainwater and tears?
And soon, like all things they will fade,
Disappear like they never existed.

Perhaps I'm just mad,
Not at you, but rather
Myself.

Wondering why I stopped searching
Even though I knew you were like
A lost star in the galaxy,
Waiting to be found:
Glowing, glowing,
But slowly dying.

I searched, I did.
But I'm not as gifted in astronomy as you are.
I'm always a tad bit too late and

The stars are already dead.

Forgive me for the only language I ever speak in is
My tears.
The warm streams of
Half anger, half sadness,
Half anxiety — Oh goodness,
I've lost count.

I don't know.
I'm just lost again.
But this time they aren't here to help me.

And I'm really
Still

Alone.

You showed him all the best of you
But I'm afraid
Your best wasn't good enough.
I know he never wanted you
At least not the way
You wanted yourself to be loved
And you feel like you were a mistake.
He's not worth all those tears that won't go away
I wish you could see that.

Still you try to impress him
But he never will listen

Oh broken angel
Were you sad when he
Crushed all your dreams?
Oh broken angel
Inside your dying
'Cause you can't believe
Oh you can't believe

And now you've grown up
With this notion that you were to blame.
And you seem so strong sometimes
But I know that you still feel the same.
As that little girl
Who shines like an angel.
Even after his lazy heart
Put you through hell.
I wish you could see that

Still you try to impress him
But he never will listen

Oh broken angel
Were you sad when
He crushed all your dreams?
Oohh broken angel
Inside your dying 'cause
You can't believe
He would leave you alone
And leave you so cold
When you were his daughter

But the blood in your veins
As you carry his name
Turns thinner than water

The shadows prance across the wall
Just as if to warn us all.
As the night grows chilly dark,
Only one lights up a spark.

In the woods, there is no light
The only light gives you a fright.
As the speeding flash approaches you
You'd wish for wings, that much is true.

For there is no way to outrun wheels
Just don't wear black and don't wear heels.
For when the monster comes tonight,
Pray it sees you in it's sight.

Who will protect the protectors?
The ones in the front and in the back,
The ones who risk their lives every day just to
Keep you safe and make sure that you're okay
And so they give up everything they have:
Their lives, their time, heart, energy...
Everything.

Who will defend the defenders?
The ones who build up walls so tall to
Make sure nothing would ever harm you but
In the process, they've completely
Exposed themselves to the elements,
Yet, in a way, have trapped themselves in.

Who will save the saviors?
The ones who've already rescued thousands
But still believe they have the responsibility to
Save another hundred million from
Whatever is coming their way until they
Unfortunately, tire themselves out too much.


But still, they keep
Pushing,
Pressing on,
Persevering till the very end to

Protect the ones they love.

Who will guard the angels when the war wages on?
Who will love them, stay by their side
Till the very end?

Just like they did.

I am like that passerby
Who sees a drowning man,
Thrashing in the water.

Yet completely unable to swim.

I am like that passerby
Who sees a man getting mugged
Clamped in those brawny arms.

Yet not strong enough to defend.

I am like that passerby
Who sees a child crossing a dangerous road
Walking as the car zooms by.

Yet too scared to save.

I am like that passerby
And I will always only be a passerby.
I see but I do not do.
Helpless
But always forced to

Watch.

We're both tired, aren't we?
Me of lying and
You

Of only knowing I'm lying.

I've had my share of pervs.
I've been groped.
I've been peeped.
I've seen them watch ****.
I've watched them play with themselves.
I've seen them drunk and hanging with women.
Yeah, I've had my share of pervs.
The only thing that's unchecked on the
Perv's checklist is:
Getting *****.

And I pray to God it stays unchecked.

I am part of a long branch that
Stems from a
Very poisonous tree.

I am the fruit of the fourth wife,
The illegitimate and the shamed.

A few generations down the stalk,
You'd find me:
A cursed seed
That was never meant to be planted,
That was never meant to exist,
But has and will now plague the soil

*Forevermore.

What are you doing?
Surrounding yourself with
Cheesy romanticized novels about
People falling in love,
People with mental disorders
Falling in love.

Impossible.

I just know it.
The thought of someone who can
Appreciate all the
Extravagant worry and
Excessive hyperventilation.
The thought of someone who will
Tell you it's alright and
Hug you close,
Lie through his teeth and tell you
Your his special little angel.
The thought of someone who will
Love you
Even with this

******* mental disorder.

Until the age of 10,
I never knew what "****" meant.
Our teacher had used the exact word
Instead of "****** *******" during our
Science lessons (though that part was more *** ed).
I never understood how you could
Just get pregnant and I, until then
Had been so afraid that if a boy kissed me,
Even softly pecking on the cheek,
I would wake up the next morning with
An unwanted newborn baby
Just because the boy kissed me.

Until the age of 10,
I knew there were videos on the internet that were
"Not for my age".
And so I always stayed away from the computer,
The television (okay, maybe not the cartoons)
And even the DVD stores.
That was until I saw him that morning
Lying in that blasted chair,
Eyes glued to the screen.
The plate in my hand dropped when I saw where was his.
I saw my first "not for my age" video.

Until the age of 10,
I never knew what a ***** was.
Sure, I'd seen it in essays:
Putting your hands out to navigate in the dark.
Yeah, I got that meaning, but no —
It's about the other meaning:
Touching someone else's privates for pleasure.

And it's illegal to;
Punishable by the law.
He shouldn't have stripped me and
Touched everything.
Shouldn't have.
Couldn't have.
Did not have the right to.
He shouldn't have groped me.


But I didn't know **** about that
Till I was 10.

I don't see how
Worrying can make you
Tired.

But it does.

It makes me exhausted, it makes me an insomniac,
It makes me think crazy, it makes me worry more than I already was.
It makes me think every one has something happening to them
Right now
At this very moment.

Something is
Wrong.

But I'm tired. I really am.
I need my sleep.
But my mind is fighting,
Telling me over and over and over again that
I need to check one last time
Whether someone is okay
Whether someone is alive
Whether someone is someone is...

**** it, there's the mental block.
It happens.
Usually.
I think.
I don't know.

But what I do know is that
It makes me unusual,
It makes me sick,
It makes me not normal.

It makes people stare,
It makes people scared,
It makes people laugh and laugh and laugh
While they call me names and mock me.

They tell me I'm crazy,
Mentally *******, a
"Psychopathic pill popper".

I know that I am.
And I'm trying to stop.
But it's hard.

And I'm tired.

Oh don't bother,
Cos there was never any holiday to
Enjoy.

If this is what you want,
I'll do it.

I'll play your little game,
Try to ignore your little face,
Wipe you off completely...

If this is what you want,
I'll do it.

Or at least try.

I am angry.
Very angry.
And I don't even know Why but

Reading everything
Absorbing everything
Feeling everything

I feel extremely mad.
I feel the need to put a hole in the wall.
I feel the need to bang my head so hard it splits up
Nicely in the center.
I feel the urge to tear up the room.

I'm angry. Very angry.

**** it, I don't want to be destructive again.
I can't afford to be.
I can't.
I can't.
I can't.

I can't be bad again.

I burned her name into my mind,
Saved the cage even though the bird flew away.
I recall her form like the rolling waves
But I still miss her so again today.

The way she smiled was warm as summer,
Just her presence livened my soul.
But as days grew by I saw a lonely bird,
In the cage was an estranged ghoul.

So I let it go and let it free,
Though inside hoping it'd stay with me.
My friend rejoiced as she flew away,
And I still miss her so again today.

I thought she was a companion for life.
For her I was elated, yet not so,
I can only hope she does ever return
Cos I never really let go.

I guess it's nice to know
That you were watching all along.
But it's also kinda sad to know
You did nothing at all.

I never thought
I would've locked away a flower.

I never thought I would
Trap such a beautiful creature of nature.
The humongous red petals
Stained with water,
Attracting such a wide diversity of insects.

I had always believed that
Gorgeous things should be set free,
So it could live to it's fullest.
Spread out wide in the open.
And so,

I never thought
I would've locked away a flower.

Yet my marvelous mind encaged a
Beautiful beast,
An imperfectly perfect plant.
Locked it away for years and
Hid it so deep in captivity that
I could never have found it
And I would never have found it

Until now.

Years and years and years on,
Since the flower did first bloom,
It's scent has finally found me and
So did Understanding.

The pungent stench that
Reeked from the Rafflesia,
It slowly seeps into the present
Drowning the pretty world with
Pests meant to pollinate it's seed.
The truly gorgeous flowers slowly
Wilt away as

Evil
Ovethrows
Everything.

I once locked up a memory so tight
I never ever found it,
But in the recent days,
It came slowly
Then like a tidal wave:
Crashed down on me.
The shame just filling my heart.
Killing the not even alive.

I never thought
I would've locked up a flower.

But now I wish I'd locked it back up.

Just because someone doesn't reply in
An hour, or two, or three, or four,
Or half a day later...
Don't mean that something's happened, right?
Maybe something's just cropped up,
Maybe they decided to sleep early for once,
Maybe, maybe...
I don't know.

I just hope you're fine...