I prepared the note today, "laminated" it with tape
In case it gets bloodied, the blood can be wiped off.
It wouldn't get stained by grime or oil as easily
It would survive rainwater and the ink wouldn't get smudged.

It's the note I've telling you about for a long long time
Not a suicide, but an informant
If I should not survive
From wherever and whenever,
That I was meant to go.

It has your number written, and the other's too
So you would have some access to
Wherever you need to go.
The hospital, the ward,
Whoever opens shall inform.

So please don't get a scare
When you hear an unfamiliar voice
And you hear about what's happened
And you make a sniffing noise.

I hope you don't cry too much
But I know it's inevitable,
And if I really leave

Please.
Break the promise.
And don't come after me.

Go with her to church.
Fulfil your life dream.
Take care of each other.

Then I may smile from Heaven above.

I'm so grateful that you're a broken puzzle piece,
Because believe it or not, maybe it was meant to be that
I'd be a broken puzzle piece too, and once we met
We'd just clicked so well, like we were meant to.
I'm so glad I met you because
God knows what I'd do without you now.
In a way, I'm glad we're both broken.

So we'd fit each other today.

Call me crazy but
I'm afraid of saying the word "Goodbye"
Because I'm so afraid the person would take it literally
And they'd leave forever and ever.
That that "goodbye" would be the last thing I say
Before she jumps of the building or
He decides to be heroic and save someone in need.
And they die.

Call me crazy but
I'm afraid of making promises because
How much it would **** if
Someone made a promise to get back to you safely
And he or she never did.
You'd just be left in anger and desperation,
Wondering why the hell
They never kept that last promise
Before they died.

Call me crazy but
I'm afraid of saying "I love you".
I mean like, how many movies have we watched where
Two people exchange "I love you"s
And it becomes their last words and it gets
Etched permanently into the living one's mind while the other one

Dies.

You showed him all the best of you
But I'm afraid
Your best wasn't good enough.
I know he never wanted you
At least not the way
You wanted yourself to be loved
And you feel like you were a mistake.
He's not worth all those tears that won't go away
I wish you could see that.

Still you try to impress him
But he never will listen

Oh broken angel
Were you sad when he
Crushed all your dreams?
Oh broken angel
Inside your dying
'Cause you can't believe
Oh you can't believe

And now you've grown up
With this notion that you were to blame.
And you seem so strong sometimes
But I know that you still feel the same.
As that little girl
Who shines like an angel.
Even after his lazy heart
Put you through hell.
I wish you could see that

Still you try to impress him
But he never will listen

Oh broken angel
Were you sad when
He crushed all your dreams?
Oohh broken angel
Inside your dying 'cause
You can't believe
He would leave you alone
And leave you so cold
When you were his daughter

But the blood in your veins
As you carry his name
Turns thinner than water

You know what
***** so much about
Grief?

It's not the getting-over-it stage
But rather the
I-thought-I-got-over-it stage.

It's when you've tucked them away
So neatly in a convenient crevice,
Thrown those memories so far out to sea
That you're so sure they'd never float back.

That's when it *****.

When the waves of Time
Carry back your secret bottle of forgotten memories
And the messages touch the very shore of your mind.
And you thought it was a treasure map
Or some happy message,
Even a letter for help would've been better.

But when you unscrew that bottle
And read the message.
There it is again,
Months, days, minutes or just

Seconds

After you thought you'd disposed of
This unfortunate treasure:
Grief strikes you,
Ever stronger,
Ever harder and
Ever longer.

Then your little mind will once again
Be flooded by blasted Grief.

I try to leak the emotion
Slowly into the poems, so
I don't drown the reader all at once.
But it always seems to
Gush out, spew out,
Crashing in like a tidal wave.
I tried to write a happy poem,
But I've failed again.
I just hope Melancholy didn't
Swim out too far,
Because He always leads you to me.

I never thought
I would've locked away a flower.

I never thought I would
Trap such a beautiful creature of nature.
The humongous red petals
Stained with water,
Attracting such a wide diversity of insects.

I had always believed that
Gorgeous things should be set free,
So it could live to it's fullest.
Spread out wide in the open.
And so,

I never thought
I would've locked away a flower.

Yet my marvelous mind encaged a
Beautiful beast,
An imperfectly perfect plant.
Locked it away for years and
Hid it so deep in captivity that
I could never have found it
And I would never have found it

Until now.

Years and years and years on,
Since the flower did first bloom,
It's scent has finally found me and
So did Understanding.

The pungent stench that
Reeked from the Rafflesia,
It slowly seeps into the present
Drowning the pretty world with
Pests meant to pollinate it's seed.
The truly gorgeous flowers slowly
Wilt away as

Evil
Ovethrows
Everything.

I once locked up a memory so tight
I never ever found it,
But in the recent days,
It came slowly
Then like a tidal wave:
Crashed down on me.
The shame just filling my heart.
Killing the not even alive.

I never thought
I would've locked up a flower.

But now I wish I'd locked it back up.

Until the age of 10,
I never knew what "****" meant.
Our teacher had used the exact word
Instead of "****** *******" during our
Science lessons (though that part was more *** ed).
I never understood how you could
Just get pregnant and I, until then
Had been so afraid that if a boy kissed me,
Even softly pecking on the cheek,
I would wake up the next morning with
An unwanted newborn baby
Just because the boy kissed me.

Until the age of 10,
I knew there were videos on the internet that were
"Not for my age".
And so I always stayed away from the computer,
The television (okay, maybe not the cartoons)
And even the DVD stores.
That was until I saw him that morning
Lying in that blasted chair,
Eyes glued to the screen.
The plate in my hand dropped when I saw where was his.
I saw my first "not for my age" video.

Until the age of 10,
I never knew what a ***** was.
Sure, I'd seen it in essays:
Putting your hands out to navigate in the dark.
Yeah, I got that meaning, but no —
It's about the other meaning:
Touching someone else's privates for pleasure.

And it's illegal to;
Punishable by the law.
He shouldn't have stripped me and
Touched everything.
Shouldn't have.
Couldn't have.
Did not have the right to.
He shouldn't have groped me.


But I didn't know **** about that
Till I was 10.

Who will protect the protectors?
The ones in the front and in the back,
The ones who risk their lives every day just to
Keep you safe and make sure that you're okay
And so they give up everything they have:
Their lives, their time, heart, energy...
Everything.

Who will defend the defenders?
The ones who build up walls so tall to
Make sure nothing would ever harm you but
In the process, they've completely
Exposed themselves to the elements,
Yet, in a way, have trapped themselves in.

Who will save the saviors?
The ones who've already rescued thousands
But still believe they have the responsibility to
Save another hundred million from
Whatever is coming their way until they
Unfortunately, tire themselves out too much.


But still, they keep
Pushing,
Pressing on,
Persevering till the very end to

Protect the ones they love.

Who will guard the angels when the war wages on?
Who will love them, stay by their side
Till the very end?

Just like they did.

Oh broken angel,
I'm sorry he snipped off your wings.
You must have cared a bit too much,
Over too many things.

You cared for your little sister,
Protected her from all,
But I guess all your protection
Really led to the fall.

As they carried you away,
Only tears were brought to my eyes
I cried, I couldn't find you,
Mistook your promises for lies.

And now you are but wingless,
Like a bird that cannot fly,
Staying grounded, staring up,
And only wondering why.

But now that you're grounded,
I'm actually happy
Because now my guardian angel
Will forever be with me.

I gaze upon the scars,
The ones that hug my hands.
They seem to squeeze my fingers tight
Till they become all red.
I thought they were all gone
But now I see,
They had merely

*Faded...

The first song I ever drummed to
Was also, unfortunately,
The last song I ever drummed to.

But I'll never forget the way
The drumsticks fitted into my palms
And the rhythm just seemed to flow;
It all seemed so natural

The way my hands hit the drum and
My leg slammed the pedal,
All that anger channelled into a

Beautiful beat.

To that magical instrument I not yet have,
Fear not for we will one day reunite.
I will play you with
The beat of my heart,
Let the music flow and
Emotion part.

Thank you for returning
My right of expression.

The shadows prance across the wall
Just as if to warn us all.
As the night grows chilly dark,
Only one lights up a spark.

In the woods, there is no light
The only light gives you a fright.
As the speeding flash approaches you
You'd wish for wings, that much is true.

For there is no way to outrun wheels
Just don't wear black and don't wear heels.
For when the monster comes tonight,
Pray it sees you in it's sight.

Chest tightened.
Breath held.
Flashing images.
Every time you
Mention death and
Threaten suicide.
I kind of die inside.

I see it. The vision of you r u n n i n g then
      
                                                     ­                             F

                               ­                                                          A

                                                              ­                          L

                                    ­                                                 L

                                                              ­                            I

                                  ­                                                     N

                                                              ­                        G

                                    ­                                            
                                                                ­                 - dead -

In my heart I have a secret wish,
But it's not for me, it's for you.

That one day you'd finally find a man who'd
Protect you with all of his heart and all of his soul.
A man that would swear never to leave you,
A man that would be willing to die for you,
A man that would love you with all of his heart and
Heal that little hole of yours, bringing you
True happiness.

I hope you find a man that would love you
As much as I do, and that you'd be
Really really

Happy.

If I was the sun, would you still love me?
We'd be a million miles apart, can you really be that glee?
If I got that close, I'd burn up all your skin,
I'd really hurt you so much, don't know where I would begin!
I cannot cannot cannot be, with you my dearest love,
Because unlike you who's helped me much,
I'd only **** this dove.

If I was a flower, would you still love me?
I'd be as mute as grass and trees, can't even speak softly!
I'd be so small and fragile, I'd die within a night,
If you had just forgotten me, I'd die without a fight.
That's how useless I am, and a little timid too,
I'm sorry but I cannot protect,
I can't protect you.

If I was the moon, would you still love me?
Or would you run and scamper away because you would fear me?
The moon, it's not your biggest fear, but I'm sure you'd run without a thought,
You wouldn't stay and love me, I'd only leave you in distraught.
I will only ever scare you, both in night and day,
But despite all that would you,
Really love me anyway?

You threatened to smash my head against the car window.
You should have smashed
Harder.

What's the point of
Living if even
The ones who said they loved you
Hate you?
The ones who said they believed in you
Have deserted you?
And
The ones who said they wanted to
**** you
Are *******

*Everywhere?