When I sleep in the nighttime,
Sometimes I hear voices.
I wonder every time whether they're cries from you.
They keep me awake most of the time,
But it doesn't matter.
The only thing that matters is you.
I listen out for them, but
They always seem muffled and incoherent.
Then I wonder


If everyone is dying at once.

Perhaps I'm just mad,
Not at you, but rather
Myself.

Wondering why I stopped searching
Even though I knew you were like
A lost star in the galaxy,
Waiting to be found:
Glowing, glowing,
But slowly dying.

I searched, I did.
But I'm not as gifted in astronomy as you are.
I'm always a tad bit too late and

The stars are already dead.

Forgive me for the only language I ever speak in is
My tears.
The warm streams of
Half anger, half sadness,
Half anxiety — Oh goodness,
I've lost count.

I don't know.
I'm just lost again.
But this time they aren't here to help me.

And I'm really
Still

Alone.

Passing all those drunkards on the street,
All high on wine and beer,
I spot the many different ones,
But none as bad as you.

What are you doing?
Surrounding yourself with
Cheesy romanticized novels about
People falling in love,
People with mental disorders
Falling in love.

Impossible.

I just know it.
The thought of someone who can
Appreciate all the
Extravagant worry and
Excessive hyperventilation.
The thought of someone who will
Tell you it's alright and
Hug you close,
Lie through his teeth and tell you
Your his special little angel.
The thought of someone who will
Love you
Even with this

******* mental disorder.

I am like that passerby
Who sees a drowning man,
Thrashing in the water.

Yet completely unable to swim.

I am like that passerby
Who sees a man getting mugged
Clamped in those brawny arms.

Yet not strong enough to defend.

I am like that passerby
Who sees a child crossing a dangerous road
Walking as the car zooms by.

Yet too scared to save.

I am like that passerby
And I will always only be a passerby.
I see but I do not do.
Helpless
But always forced to

Watch.