Locked out of Heaven
Cast out
By my own free will
Because I wanted to know
What earth was about.
Blue eyed beauty..
The brown eyed sub...
Meant nothing to me...
Couldnt cover up my love
Never thought I'd be here
Big hole but my heart beats still..
I was introduced to the fear
The weapon of evil
Sickness of the mind
Now I struggle to close my eyes...
Short nights..
Filled with lies..
I tell myself that I had time..
I'm done making this poem rhyme..
I'd wait an eternity..
For her to return to me..
The truth I can finally say it..
This is now her game...
But I can't even play it..
No reset..
No re-do..
I left to make changes...
to get better for you...
I guess the moral of this story
I will never learn...
Because we both moved on...
Past the point of no return..

This is a new story,
Like Romeo & Juliet.
or maybe it was a different one...
I dunno
I seem to forget.

Oh wait i know!
its more like Adam & Eve,
the Garden of Eden
Oh yes!
That's a better comparison i believe.

Lets get into it....
Its hard to put in words..
Like explaining an addiction,
or trying to sing in a room full of birds.

I'll start with a description
of a girl that  overdosed on
no prescription.

Brown eyes,
Soft lips,
perfect height,
that hair,
mmm... those hips.

So tempting,
But she is not my Eve.
I'd say she is my apple,
A taste you would not believe.

I knew ahead of time,
what I was getting into.
But I can say I didn't care.
Especially after what I'd been through.
But that's a different story.

I'm in love with this girl,
and its safe to say its real.
Unlike last time,
she loves me too..
This I truly feel.

But to get into the title,
there's just one barrier...
There are these few beautiful people..
One of which Carried her.
They wouldn't approve,
but I continue to push.
against a wall that won't move.

I wanted a piece of that Forbidden Fruit,
despite the warnings to stay away.
But I'm in love what do you expect me to do?
I guess we'll charge it to a part of the game.

That brings me to
the next step with my love and me
let's call it phase two
in this road to my recovery
"Man **** that *****"
but the hatred just befuddled me
confusion causing my depression
really needed you to cuddle me..

Longing dusty roads
Here I come.
Longing winding trails of life
Here I come.
Don't know where I'm going
But I sure know where I'm from.
I don't know
What the futures got for me..

So many highways
So many by ways
As I journey on..

Climb over the mountains,
Cross over the waters..
Deep waters
I gotta move on...

Here I come,
Watching my stride.
Here I come,
Still got my pride.
Here I come,
Watching the line.
Here I come,
Biding my time..

That brings me to my current state,
quickly growing into a better man.
Moving forward at an increasing rate,
no longer expecting her to understand.
But I know I have a clean slate.

A few girls tried to hook me,
but nah I didn't take the bait.
I think I said it before,
I see this path as truly straight.
This newfound freedom,
the feel of change and yes its great.
I can say I'm over you,
and yeah I know you can relate.
But I'm done with curveballs,
just wait till the right girl hits the plate.
I can live my life without you,
so rest assured that there's no hate.

Well this is the first,
and its gonna be fun.
Couldn't think of a title,
So I'll just call it Number One.
Its about a girl,
if im the bullet she's the gun.

Been putting this off,
lack of motivation is to blame.
But now i realize,
this is no longer a game.

I'm in love with this girl.

She is my sword,
and I'm her shield.
Only one I'd trust by my side,
on the Battlefield.

Called life...
Down the road,
I think I'd call her my wife.
Love so hot it would cut butter
no knife...

She would make it a home,
my bachelor pad.
I feel this strongly,
despite the words from my dad.

See we just hit a bump,
in this road of strong emotion.
A love without logic,
such a strange notion.

Its like time is moving slow,
are we moving a bit fast?
I want our love to grow,
I want this love to last.
I have to let go,
of my mistakes from the past.

Spilled milk,
Broken art.
One thing I forgot..
I should have known from the start...
There is no logic..
Once I have her heart.

Now this was my time to turn the table
I flipped it....

Didn't really wanna touch this phase so
I skipped it..

If pride was a pool well you could say that
I dipped it..

Had my chance to sever the bond but instead
I gripped it..

Settling for friendship hurt my heart so from my chest
I ripped it..

Lack of emotion caused acceptance, so your title
I stripped it..

Okay this one will be random,
Let's call it Number Two.
Please forgive me for the rhyme scheme,
Cuz I'm still kinda new.
Sitting here at work,
Lookin at the sky blue.
Feelin kinda hungry,
Want some good food to chew.
My girl is home making chicken,
You gonna save me some boo?
Hey look a little bird!
By my window it just flew.
This is getting kinda lame...
So I'll say okay I'm through.
I bet you didn't like this..
Well who the F--- asked you?

She's there for me
Emotionally
Physically
Mentally
And she pleases me
Intellectually
Visually
Sexually
So I'm glad I
Have my
Ally.

Funny thing is you think that its okay,
breaking my heart the way that you do.
Who would've thought
I wasnt like what you're used to?

You say I was wrong,
I say I was right.
We just say things at the wrong time, putting up a fight.

You said it's goodbye too
but I can't resist missing you.
Why couldn't it be
me and you?

 I've gotta say, cupid got the first hit.
You're such a challenge,
Is it worth it?
I want you more,
More than you could ever realize.
From your deepest demons
To the angel in your eyes.

All this time passes by.
I can't forget your face.
Making my way to your heart,
I need to win this race.

If you want love,
I want the same thing.
I want it all baby.
You are the one for me,
It shouldn't be that hard to see.

We can take forever if we wanted to.
All you gotta say is I Do.
You can open up,
I won't abuse you.
We can do things
If you let me through.

I want you to want me,
want you to need me,
want you to tell me
I'm your everything.
It's there...
I know it's somewhere,
your love for me.

I used to tell myself
this breakup
it didn't happen

Its all just a dream
I'll wake up
there you'll be napping

Fuss fight ****
that was us
and now I'm laughing

To cover up the anger
I once had
lets call it masking

Alright so now it gets silly
No wait its getting real
I've sat by long enough
Its time to say what I feel.
You've spent so much time
Turning me into the Joker
I've tried to stay calm
But **** that this isn't poker.
You might wanna stop reading
Because this will be a long one,
My heart has stopped beating
And my rage burns like the Sun.

Let's recap on some things
Take a look from my perspective.
I wanted to preserve our bond
But I've got a new objective..

You made me the bad guy,
Because I agreed with your mother.
Its as if you forgot the good,
Almost like we never loved each other.

Yeah I called you selfish
But tell me I was wrong.
All the things you kept hidden
I can't remember how long
I waited for you to show emotion
Because that mask was a ******* lie
It's sad,
I saw it all
You were only truthful when you cry.
Oh since he teaches you to love,
Was that a lie too?
A year and two months,
Was it wasted on you?

I've got more to say
But I'll save it for the next one.
I've got to cool down
But this rant its not done.

I'm Back baby!
Jay Mance yes I'm here!
Had to make some changes,
Getting my *** back in gear!

Lets start with my weight...
My goal is 270
I'm currently 328...
Got my *** in the GYM!
Fat pic on my wall,
Time to get rid of him.

On to my Girl
Don't have one!
I'm single
I'm not really looking but..
Its time to mingle..

Man I feel great
Motivated to move forward
On a path thats truly straight.

Expect some more from me
Critique
Cut me no slack
This is the me i love
Oh yes Baby I'm Back!

Another installment of this session
brief period of breaking
we'll just call it the depression
I'm strong I can teach
but it was time I learned a lesson
that girl she's out of reach
but I can count that as a blessing.

I hit the gym
to try to get this weight down
I'm getting slim
3x's are becoming like night gowns
all this to take my mind off her
yeah it must be fate now
I wanted to negotiate
but the thought just caused my breakdown...

Wish it didn't matter
what I did then
All that should matter
is what I'm doing
right now..

I'd do anything for you
at all costs
your wish is my command
but I understand.

I should have told you sooner
but we had such a good thing
baby I didn't wanna lose it all.

I kept this secret too long from you.

You know you'll always be
my girl.

Baby just talk to me
You have words
Please let me hear them
I know they're about me

it should be known
Trust is a factor
i could hide it
but im a bad actor

this is a bitter thing
i dont want to tase it
so much silence
feels like time wasted

They must be secrets
Yes this i can see
but baby i promise
you secrets are safe with me.

Lightning strikes
so turn off the lights..

Beware the loss of power
in this heavy rain shower..

Is what I hear thundering?
Maybe its just God's tummy Rumbling...

Gusts of wind blowing
Light flood, river flowing..

The sun comes out and rainbows begin to form...
That lets me know this is the good part of the storm..