I am locked and loaded
I wonder whats next
I hear change on the horizon
I see my future
I want it now
I am locked and loaded

I pretend to be patient
I feel it coming
I touch the difference
I worry its not enough
I cry in anxiousness
I am locked and loaded

I understand everything in due time
I say i can wait
I dream that im there
I try to see it through the haze
I hope for an arrival
I am locked and loaded

I can never not love
you. I can try as hard

as I want and forever,
but I will never not love

you. You have seared
yourself on to my soul

in permanent marker,
drawn an infinite tattoo

there, harbored like a
stowaway. You're draining

my vital organs, my survival,
the ships about to crash, full

of water, drowning, and still
I can never not love you.

I am the human condition

I have no self confidence,
Yet i have a massive ego.

I want to turn my life around,
Yet i want to die.

I want people to think that i have no weakness,
Yet all I want to do is cry.

I want to be the best at everything,
But i don't want to try.

I want to stop hurting myself,
But that's all I seem to do.

I don't want people seeing my scars,
Yet I want them to know I'm scarred.

When I wake up I want to be happy,
But I don't want to wake up anymore.

We build
Walls around
Our heart
And Lock
All Our
Doors and
Wonder why
Noone ever
Saves us

**** normality
**** society
And **** 'Merica
When did it become unexceptable to be different?
Oh… yeah
If your skins too dark
Or you're too short
Or too fat
You don't belong
If you don't fit the cookie cutter
Then you can sit with us

Six years old and I fell from a tree
My scrapes kness were proof
As I told the story to the kids at school
My mother bandaged them up
And kissed me on the cheek
And told me I'd feel better in the morning

Nine years old and my father hit me
My mothers tears were proof
As she screamed at him at 2am
I hid in my room that night
As the doors slammed loudly
And my mother wasn't home in the morning

Twelve years old and I hated school
And my failed report card was proof
As I changed my "Ds" to "As" with pen
My mother never noticed
And I stayed up late every night
And I could barley get up in the morning

Fourteen years old and a boy broke my heart
And my crippled self worth was proof
As I poured my thoughts into a journal
That my mother never found
And my best friend patted my shivering spine
And told me I'd forget him in the morning

Sixteen years old and I'd given up
And the slits on my wrists were proof
As the blood trickeld on the floor
My mother followed the drops on the carpet
And she screamed when she found me
And this time there was no morning

These hands hold up nothing but scars underneath
From swimming these oceans and learning to breathe*
I don't need you as much as you think you need me
I'm not the knight you want
I have no shining armor. You see,
When the best part of you was always me
What will you expect from this life when I pick up and leave?