and not see every sadness reflected in my eyes
to not see every mistake written on my skin
and not see every inch of fat and self hate
to not see every little mistake that I am

I wonder what it's like to look in a mirror
and not hate everything I see in the reflection

When I write,
It isn't to document
Every inch of emotion
That spills from my soul,
To purge my despair
And dark thoughts
When they are dragging
The demons in my head
To the surface,
It is a story,
An intricate blueprint
Of each and every step I take in life.
I feel as if by writing from experience
It will allow me to grow as a human,
To ultimately become the person I desire
To be without the need to destroy my body,
I have attempted suicide,
Put a blade to my skin multiple times to find comfort,
Starved,
Purged,
Counted calories,
Found the strength to get help,
Take my medication,
Came out of the closet,
I found love,
I have learned to love and be loved
For who I am,
I have connected with another beautiful soul,
A guy so caring and kind,
I have applied for University and have been accepted,
I have so much more to unravel in this delicate yet complex
Cycle we call life.
I will continue to write every moment that happens,
Whether it is happiness,
Sadness,
Pain,
Desire,
Love,
Hate,
Depression,
Anythin­g.
Then in the future when I look back on what i have written
I will truly see the flights and falls of my past,
The mountain peaks
And the darkest depths of the ocean,
I will see the progress I have made as I swim upstream
Towards my goal,
My dream,
My principal aspiration of becoming an interpreter for the United Nations,
I want to travel,
Be free,
Ride the winds to every continent
And be a part of so many extravagant cultures.

I want to live. I want to live it all to the bitter end,
**Scars, demons and all.

I'll take charge when I open my mouth,
Listen to my words as they all fall out,
Watch them take flight into the atmosphere,
They're better off in Space than being wasted down here,
I shout out loud until my lungs cave in,
You can hear my mind because the walls are too thin,
Screaming out my thoughts like a siren's cry,
Feast upon the verbal voices until my throat runs dry.
Silence ends in violence when you hold your tongue,
Battles aren't worth fighting if you're words aren't strong.