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Jay Aug 2013
I'm having trouble deciding what to do
Should I ignore this nagging sense or go talk to you
People always say
"Go for it" you won't be able to another day
But what will I even be going for?
What will I say when you open the door?
And ask me why I came
If I told you I'd feel ashamed
Because I'm the one that called it quits
But I never wanted it to end like this
When you spend a summer with someone like him
It's a pretty hard summer to forget
You made some mistakes and I just want to forgive
Because I want to be back in your arms, unaware and ignorant
You'd be surprised if I came and said hello
Because I left without warning, like get up and go
And I have no reason to be sorry but I am
Leaving wasn't really in my plans
But you hurt me so bad
And I always think about what we had
I just dont know if it's the best thing to get it back
But I want it back
I miss us against the world
Against the "it won't works" against those other girls
Because I thought I was the one
I had no idea I'd ever say we're done
But I'm stuck and I don't know what to do
Should I stay in my place or fight for you
Jay Aug 2013
The other day in therapy we talked about my fears.
She asked me why I was afraid of the dark.
At the time I didn't know, I've always been ,

I guess I've never been scared of the dark
I guess I've always loved it


But I've given it some thought and I've noticed
The dark holds untold secrets
It is something you cannot run from

You can't say I'm ugly, you can't say I'm tall

When it comes, it is usually unexpected
And it envelopes you

You'll be forced to listen to my personality and my call

Until you become enclosed in everything else you're afraid of
The dark holds your freedom

Because you can hear my voice and hear my movement
You can't hear my smile and you can't hear my touch


And refuses to return it to you

I'll always be more than enough... In the dark

At night dark becomes powerful
Because there is no escape

Everyone's equal, you don't have to be shy.
It's so much easier to cry without light


No amount of light is bright enough to ***** out the dark.

You and I have the same amount of pride.

The dark holds you
In an intricate web of danger and exposure to things unseen
Worst of all,
The dark holds me
And I, do not enjoy being held by things.

Why is everyone looking for the light?
When it's so much easier living at night.


**In the dark
Jay Aug 2013
I have a way of making myself feel better.
When I'm feeling down
Or when my self esteem is at a low point
There are certain things about myself that I love.
A positive spirit
A kind mind
I like my lips
And my eyes
The gap in my teeth
Is a pretty imperfection
My nose, may not be shaped like a button
But it's even and I love it
My nail beds are long
Which makes for easy painting
I have defined collarbones
It's the way God made me
They always say
If you don't love yourself, no one will
(Source unknown)
I'm finally trying.
Jay Aug 2013
Oh, don't even bother.
She'll be fine
A girl like her can handle herself


Maybe I can't
Maybe sometimes I ******* fall apart
Maybe my glue just stopped sticking
It's watered down with my tears
Maybe I ran out if tape
I was using it to put my soul back together
Maybe I lost the last bandage
That ***** because I was using it to hide my bruises

Sorry
**I'm not what you expected
Jay Aug 2013
Do I really need to tell you
Or do you already know

Do you have time to ask me to help you
While I'm bleeding out on the floor

Do you need me to chase you
As you run out the door

Do you need me to call for you
When I've lost my voice

Do you even need to ask me
As if I have a choice
Jay Aug 2013
You have no right to say you're better than the rest
Pretending that underneath your shirt there's an S on your chest
As if I need a superhero to come save me
And believe me, I know where this is going

I've seen the Ice Man
He used to send chills down my spine
Until he froze my heart and smashed it with his bare hands
Leaving me to pick up this rigid pieces
And glue them back together
The cold still covers me on nights that are sleepless

I've seen the LavaMan
He warmed my cold, rigid soul
But one day he overheated
And left a giant steaming hole
That I can show you to this day
I'm still trying to hide it in every way

I've met IronMan
He wrapped me in precious metals to cover my bruises
When screws came undone
He made up excuses
As if his excuses could excuse my falling apart
Money can't heal a broken heart

I've felt SpiderMan
He enveloped me in his endless webs
I ended up getting lost
In the tangles of his bed
He left a mark of the smallest size
But the poison from his bite came as a surprise

I've heard the InvisibleMan
But I only felt him when he held my hand
I only knew him when I felt his touch
He didn't need me at all
Didn't even want me that much

Ive seen, heard, felt it all
So before you go on and on
About how hard I'll fall
You should know
**I don't need a ******* Hero
Jay Aug 2013
We often think that the baggage we carry
Needs to be unloaded
Onto someone else
Something else
Like a hobby
Or a lover
"You can't have me if you can't handle my past"
But what, my dear,
Does your past have to do with what's near?
Did your baggage wake you up and buy you coffee this morning?
Did it put its jacket over a puddle so your shoes wouldn't get wet
Does it whisper sweet nothing's into your ear when you lie down
Tell me,
Does your baggage watch you paint
Does it love your beauty when you are vulnerable
Yet also when you're strong
Your baggage is not you

I will not lift it off of your shoulders
(Only God can do that)
But I will teach you make it weigh less
If you'd just give me the chance
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