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Jay Aug 2013
They tell you to grow,
Feeding you and keeping you warm
Free drinks for life
They tell you you're beautiful
That the sun shines for you
That your petals are so soft
And your smell so sweet
They tell you to grow
And then they pick you
Pull you from the roots
Rip you out of the ground
Then wonder why you wilt
Wonder why you die
Wonder why you retreat into yourself

Silly little flower can't you see?
*Happy is something you just can't be
Jay Aug 2013
Continuously coming up short takes its toll on ones self-esteem.
Jay Aug 2013
Looking in the mirror she uncaps her marker
She leans forward a bit and begins to draw
Curving her hips into the frame of an hourglass
Pretty at last
Drawing long black hair, soft to the touch
It still isn't enough
She draws a bigger bottom
She's almost got it
She draws thinner legs, with a thigh gap
How about that?
She draws smaller arms, ones that don't jiggle
And a teeny tiny middle
The picture in the mirror is who she wants to be
But it isn't what she sees

She hits the mirror, with all her strength
She regrets it but its too late
Blood is spilling out of her hand
As she does it over and over again
Broken shards lying on her bedroom floor
She hits the mirror just once more
Once last time she gazes at her reflection
Please, pretty girl, see your perfection
Know that the picture you drew
Is not you
And if it was you would be the same
Love yourself, don't be so ashamed
You're beautiful

*Write that on your mirror
Jay Aug 2013
2 months ago I said I might love him.
I might love his mind.
The way he evaluates everything,
Logically, as if emotions aren't for making decisions.
I thought I loved the curve of his spine
And the muscles in his back
I thought I loved the way he looked when he played basketball
And how he screams right before he laughs.
I might have thought to love his caring touch,
When holding a baby sister named Chloe,
Or taking care of his geckos.
Or making sure the people he loved were happy,
Buying toaster stroodles when the girl he liked craved them,
Covering and healing broken hearts and old scars,
Saying he was in love.
Just not with me.

But if I loved him then I would miss him right?
I would be lying in bed wondering how I messed up,
Trying to figure out what I did wrong.
Depression would cave in
Obsession would break through
And everyone would be asking
"What the hell happened to you?"
But to me, it just didn't work out.
If I loved you that would make me upset
The secrets, the hiding, I'd be angry.
But I just don't care.

This is new.
I don't know. Boys have always had a really bad effect on me and I haven't taken rejection very well. I used to walk around telling people I loved the guy. Because I was comfortable with him. I don't think it was anything more than me confusing companionship and lust. Now I know I'll be okay, and that makes me happy.
Jay Aug 2013
I'm so very afraid of the dark
I'll  have to sleep with the light on again tonight
Jay Jul 2013
There was once a sheep and a dragon. The dragon loved the sheep very much, more than she loved herself, but the dragon could never express her love because she was afraid she might hurt the sheep. You see, sheep and dragons don't belong together. If the dragon were to breathe fire on the sheep's wool by accident the sheep would die. If the dragon accidentally stepped on her sheep, she would never see his handsome smiling face again, and what good would that be? So the dragon cried and cried.

Then there was the sheep. Sheep loved dragon too, but none of his sheep friends thought that he would be cool if he married a dragon. They would make fun of him, call him names and his parents would shun him. The sheep knew that the dragon could hurt him but he wasn't worried, he would wrap himself in something that wasn't flammable and he would be sure never to walk underneath the beautiful dragon. The problem was, the sheep couldn't figure out if he loved his family or Dragon more.  So he went to seek help from the wise Turtle.

Turtle lived very far from sheep, but sheep thought that the walk was worth it to find out what he should do. When he arrived at Turtle's house, he was invited in for tea and Oreos. After the small snack, Sheep got right to business and he told Turtle his predicament. Turtle laughed and shook his tiny, Turtle head. "My child," Turtle said "If you really loved Dragon, everyone else's thoughts wouldn't be important. Prove to her that she matters." Sheep shook his head. Turtle hadn't solved his problem at all! "You are NO help you crazy old turtle," yelled Sheep. And he stormed out.

A day or so later Dragon went to see wise old Turtle too. She told Turtle about how she felt about sheep. Again, the wise (and now crazy) Turtle laughed. He thought that young kids didn't understand true love. "Let go of your insecurities Dragon. Sheep loves you and he accepts everything about you, he loves the fire that you breathe, even though it can burn him sometimes and he loves your big feet even though they can stomp him sometimes." The Dragon went home thinking about what Turtle had told her.

A week later Sheep and Dragon went together to see Turtle. Sheep apologized for being so rude before and said that he thought about what Turtle said and realized that he was right. Sheep loved Dragon and that was all that mattered. Dragon blushed red, like the fire she breathed. Turtle turned toward Dragon and asked her what she had learned. Dragon said she learned that even though she may be insecure about some things, she shouldn't let that get in the way of being happy with someone that she loves. Turtle laughed for that last time in this story and said, "Love is a funny thing, sometimes we don't always see what is there" with that being said, Dragon and Sheep ran away to live happily ever after.
I wrote this to be more of a children's story but I feel like it can be related to many things. Like Sheep's issue with not being able to tell his family he loves Dragon, it's pretty metaphorical to the real life issue of Homosexuality. And Dragon's lesson with insecurity can be a lesson to all. It's very simple actually. I hope you enjoy(:
Jay Jul 2013
Why is it that we believe in unhealthy relationships
We believe we can fix people who are worthless
We think that we can take years of suffering out of someone's life
With something we said one night
And we believe that all a sad person needs is a bottle of pills
Or another man-made substance that ultimately kills
We believe that to be happy we must make it artificial
We gotta smoke ****, drink, get pedicures, manicures and facials
But we've been tampering with how we were created
Messing up our lives, our memories jaded
Because we seem to have forgotten who came to die on the cross
When everyone thought that all hope was lost
A youth pastor once said
"God knew what ****** would do, yet his son still was dead"
For 3 whole days
Until he rose from the grave
But we still rely on a human being to give the love we desire
When only God's love sears hotter than fire
Feels cooler than ice
Jesus paid the price
For forgiveness
Yet we forget how to forgive
It's sick
As believers in Christ we can do better than this
Better than praying to be better Christians
Better than relying on God to do the task we've been given
Because yes God is almighty, Yes, God can do all
But I refuse to pretend God is letting me fall
In fact God lifts me up, to my highest of peaks
And I know to praise God every day of the week
Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to preach
I'm just saying, I work through God because he can do much better than me
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