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Jay Jul 2013
Watching cartoons on Saturday Morning.
Go outside to play when it's pouring.
Monsters under the bed, lava on the floor.
Monsters in the closet too! Don't open that door!
Quick! It's a race to see who gets the last swing!
Trying to accomplish everything before the microwave hits zero and dings.
Smiling, laughing, you never had to worry,
But you wanted to grow up in such a hurry,
Now that you're old you wish you were young.
You forgot what it's like to just have fun.
You're all grown up and your imagination is gone,
You're too old for games because you know right from wrong,
Too old for ice cream on a special night,
Too old for everything, that's what it feels like.
It all gets to the point where you just want to run,
Run from growing up because growing up isn't fun
Jay Jul 2013
For some reason I can't get over this stage fright
Whenever I get up there the words don't take flight
I mean it isn't the fear of being on stage
It she fear of what people think and what people say
It's the look on they're faces and how they'll react
Every time I look at the page my poem seems like crap
And it's the fear that when I finish & walk away no one will clap
And when I look up and see everyone staring at me, I think it's also the fear of that
That someone will take what I say wrong
Or I'll get all choked up and take too long
To say the first word, because of what people might think
Think that I'm stupid because I'm just being me
So I guess it's not really the fear of the stage
It's of what people think and what people say
It's also kind of the fear that I'll be rejected
The fear that if I mess up I'll never be accepted
And right now no matter how hard I try
I can't hold back the tears that fall from my eyes
But why is she crying? That's what everyone will think
She's just scared of a stage that's not a big thing.
But honestly it's not at all about the stage
It's the feeling that I'll always be locked in the cage
The cage isn't ordinary
It's what keeps me from going crazy and it's scary
Because whenever I look through the bars, on the other side
I see a girl with angry, piercing brown eyes
I see the girl with the sad-happy smile
You can tell by the heart she wear on her sleeve she hasn't been loved in a while
And I see love, and I see hate
And I see no peace and I see pain see that her attempts at fixing herself have all been in vain
Because no matter what she will still be the same
So she keeps her good half locked in this cage
And she won't let it out until her dying day
I wrote this in either 6th or 7th grade. I'm not sure if I've improved in writing skill or not but its one of my favorites.
Jay Jul 2013
Silence is Golden
Silence is Deadly
Silence is Loud
Making you feel heavy
Silence will not protect you
Because silence withholds truth
Silence is Strength
Silence is Grace
Silence is Powerful
Silence is Pure
Silence sent me running straight out of that door
Silence is me
And
Silence is you
Silence is courage in the eyes of doom
Silence is pain
Silence is shame
Silence is worthless
In the eyes of the lame
Silence is gripping
Like *******
But you're slipping
Silence is a cliff
You happen to be falling
Silence is the rope
I happen to be holding
Silence is the knife
That decides whether or not you die

And darling,                                              
Silence is Golden
Jay Jul 2013
She steps out of bed in the morning. Standing, stretching, rubbing half open eyes. She doesn't even so much as glance in the mirror as she walks softly across the cold, hardwood floor and into the bathroom to shower. She turns on the water and tests it to see if it's too cold or too hot. Jumping in she washes away the filth of sad dreams and her wandering mind. Stepping out she wraps herself in a warm fuzzy towel and shuffles quietly into her room, making sure she doesn't wake the rest of her house, she closes her door and turns on her music. As she stares in the mirror she turns up the volume on her iPod so that it's drowns out the sounds of her thoughts calling her ugly, pale and sickly. She sighs and begins to pile on the makeup. Fixing her face to perfection, pulling and magnifying every eyelash and covering every pimple. Once she is semi-satisfied with her product filled face she starts on her hair. Plowing thought tangled curls, straightening and curling, primping and poking and prodding until every piece of hair from root to tip is burned to a crisp. She smiles to her reflection, at least it's a little prettier than before, she thinks. Yet, she's still unsatisfied, she frowns again. She'd rather have her entire face covered and unseen. She moves on to her wardrobe, not liking anything in her closet she raids her mothers. Finding something suitable and baggy to cover her layers of fat (the whole 150 pounds of it), she looks in the mirror one more time. Unhappy with the finished product she checks her watch and realizes she doesn't have time to change. She trumps out the door to the big, bumpy, smelly, annoying bus and listens to the other kids have fun. When she gets to school she walks to the looming doors alone, then walks alone to her locker. In fact, she spends the entire day alone. Even though her school holds over 500 people at this very moment. After school she walks to the same bus she arrived in. Smelling and feeling the same as earlier in the day. She arrives home to an empty house and makes some ramen noodles and tea. Then she sits and does homework and watches TV until around midnight and goes into her room, brushes her teeth and goes to sleep. Just to wake up and do it all again tomorrow.
Jay Jul 2013
In dreams you retreat to the deepest corners of your mind
Things that are hidden in the dark have been put on pedestals in the light
Like                        
That one day you smoked ****
At the park when you thought no one was looking
Or that time you slept in a mans bed
Thinking someone might see you wasn't in your head
Or maybe like that time you looked up pornagraphic videos on your momma's computer screen
Thinking no one will know if I clear the history
Like that one time you tried to slit your wrists, but fell asleep before you could get to it and
You still thought no one was watching

That night in your dream you woke up
Startled, feeling a presence and you looked to the left
Sitting in the corner of your sisters bed
Was a demon, face painted red
Long nails, sunken eyes, trying his hardest to hide
But God needed you to see and he shined his light

You spent a while wondering,
What did that dream mean?
Asking questions like why didn't God intervene?
But it was God that was trying to tell you that night
Your timing didn't fit with his but still He tried
Your thoughts screaming out, this is why,
The reason you chose not to end your life

Because you didn't choose
In fact you had no say,
It just wasn't God's will, not that day
It was his plan for you to do greater things
And you were too busy blaming, you couldn't see
You didn't realize that God was the one who woke you up that night
To show you your demons, and later, teach you to fight.
I mean isn't that right?
At church camp you learned you had the gift of discernment
Now go ahead and show everyone you earned it
There is no reason to see your demons and be afraid
Because you have Jesus, you've broken your chains.
Jay Jul 2013
I guess I'm sort of jealous of smoke
The way you inhale it, it makes you feel better
The way you hold it in your lungs as if letting it go would make them shatter
Then you exhale and it disappears into a fine mist
And you're left with that feeling of bliss

I might be a little jealous of liquor
The way you read the bottle, inspecting it like expensive wine
I'm wishing the label was my eyes
As you stare deeply into that now empty bottle
Wishing you could feel that comforting burn in the back of your throat

And I realized last night that

*I want to be your addiction
Jay Jul 2013
I wish the train would've come
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