If the train is supposed to come it will
If I happpen to be walking on the tracks then, oh well
If someone was supposed to stop me they would
Hell, push me out of the way if they could

If it's supposed to be real then it is
But I guess I'm not being realistic
But if it's all a fantasized reality
Then no one understands but me

If she's supposed to be a mom then she might
Instead of coming home in the middle of the night
Instead of controlling your life she'd be in it
And she'd stop taking whatever makes you happy away from it

If he's supposed to be my dad he'll be there
Less awkward phone calls, no more stupid fears
Because daddy never protected me from what was under my bed
So they grew up with me and moved into my head

If someone was supposed to stop him, it would've happened
But no one did, I tried, I demanded
Cried for him to please, please stop
But he still ended up on top

My mother and him would never've gotten married
Another child to take my place she would never've carried
If I wasn't supposed to be left out
A family is something I grew up without

If I'm supposed to be sad, fate's doing it's job
All I see is this heavy fog
Clouding my judgement, self-worth, my very being
Controlling how I feel about me

If the train doesn't come then I'm supposed to live another day
But if it does come, I didn't plan on stepping out of the way
So if the train decides to come and hit me
That's the way it's supposed to be

Set me on your shelf
With your jars of brushes and paints
With your discarded wooden body parts and broken strings
An unfinished work of art
Until you decide to pick me up and turn me into something

Paint on my eyes
Dull and impatient as I wait for the rest of me
Paint my mouth
Curve it into the smile you so long to see
Paint my eyebrows
Poised to show an unknown emotion to me
Paint my nose
Like the one you used to kiss when you were happy

Set me back on your shelf
Among your broken pieces and wooden boards
Amongst your carving knives
And sandpaper cards
Still unfinished
Waiting for you to finish me in the perfect image

Recreate me
Shape my hips into your favorite position
Make my body unnaturally proportionate
Like a Barbie doll, unhealthy, but 'beautiful'
Then clothe me *******
As you wait to put on a play
Portray me in your favorite ways

Set me, yet again, on your shelf
Among your other beauties
As we wait our turn
To see who will be your next favorite
And we see what we become
As we shift our personalities to fit what you want

Attach my strings
So that you may toy with me
Put me on a stage
For all to see
As you control me
As you hold me
Make me feel things that aren't real
Exhaust my limbs
As they flail across this tiny stage
In accordance with this game we play

I am your puppet
Do with me as you please

People who make art are so interesting
They see the imperfections and quietly fix them
They have the biggest imaginations
Because most of the have spent their lives imagining something better
Better than hushed voices behind closed doors
Better than dead bodies hitting the floor
Better than guns and killers
Louder than the voices in their heads
That say they'd be better off dead
I'll tell you it's the people who make art
Who can take what they feel and turn it into something
That are the most beautiful
They're the ones who aren't worried about themselves
Because they know someone more important needs help
They know that art is fuel for the soul
People who make art are my favorite people

I stopped him midway
Covered my exposed ******* and my face
The pain was something I couldn't take
One more thing about myself that I hate
That my past can attack my present in such a way
A sinister hello on a beautiful day

I stopped him mid-thigh
Covered myself for the second time
Pained feelings came to mind
I keep missing the signs
But he was so very kind
Wrapped me up and said you're "mine"
I cried

I stopped him yet again
Frustrated but not showing he asked "when?"
When I'm ready I said
There's something about this bed
That reminds me of the screams I could have let
Come out, the pain I couldn't get
To Stop

He covered me
Said "here,
I fixed it, let me dry your tears"
Don't be mad at me
We can wait until your ready
Then maybe try again,
But only if you'll let me
"I'm sorry
We can sit for a while,
Can I see you smile?"

A 15 year old girl with 3 ****** partners almost up to 4
Living without essentials because her family lives poor
Feeding in addiction while her body craves more
She's growing up too fast and she's doing it alone
She says she needs the drugs because she won't make it on her own
So she lights up that blunt and snorts some of that coke
As her body sub-misses to the drug she says softly "don't tell my folks"
Deeper and deeper she sinks into her own hellish abyss
As a child she never thought life could be like this
But she also thought daddies weren't supposed to hit mommies
And little girls were supposed to just play with their dollies
Instead of hiding from step-brothers with lust in their eyes
Just to be found in her room at night, awaiting a not so pleasant surprise
Her life has been nothing but bad days with dark skies

A 15 year old girl with 4 ****** partners almost up to 5
Married to ***, pain and drugs
She makes a beautiful wife
Married to the death of love
She makes a beautiful wife