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Jay May 2013
Lit it on the stove
Went outside and smoked it whole
As the black smoke caressed her lungs
The rat poison and tar instead of oxygen
She breathed deeply
Sitting on her porch serenely
Thinking of how peaceful one inhale made her feel
And the exhales too, feeling so real
As the black smoke stung the back of her throat
There is much more to life she hoped
Than sitting on your porch
Slowly killing yourself
With things that go unseen
Jay May 2013
She sometimes likes to sit underneath bridges and watch rivers flow
Pretending she's a queen and the worlds all her own
Like she has enough love to share with the world
And everyone would fall in love with this little girl

But there comes a time when little girls have to grow up
Her momma told her playing under bridges is for girls who are young
And her dreams of being loved were stolen from her
Depression pulled the young girl under

From time to time she sits under a new bridge to watch rivers flow
Pretending she's married and feeling like Gold
Until reality breaks through and reminds her she's all alone
And the sinking feeling spreads all through her bones

She builds a new bridge for each one that is broken
But it isn't enough to forget the words that have already been spoken
Sooner or later she's out of bridge designs
And before she jumps she pretends just one more time
Jay May 2013
When you kissed my lips
It flew through my entire body
Like a drug
And I was so high
Off of your touch
As your hands wrapped themselves around my waist
I succumbed to your love
Up and down they coasted along my legs
Soft as a feather
Gentle as beautiful weather
And when you stopped to breathe
You whispered like the wind in my hair
I Love You
Jay May 2013
"**** yourself" she said
Too bad she didn't realize
I'm already dead
Jay May 2013
I wonder if this is how animals feel, at the zoo or in the circus
Caged
Forced to watch everyone stare at them from the outside,
While they rot behind bars, not sure of what they've done wrong.
Forced to be tested on skills they were forced to develop.
Because that's what society wants.
Trying so hard to not be wrong,
Because if an animal ***** up, they get put down.
So they jump through the hoops that the circus provides.
Balancing on *****
Willing to put their lives in jeopardy to survive,
But wait,
That doesn't seem quite right.
Imagine risking your LIFE to SURVIVE.
Imagine developing diseases like depression and anxiety,
It's a free country, but we're under the imprisonment of money.
So they make you sit in a cage made of brick walls,
And laugh as you struggle to survive through it all.
They have you jumping through metaphorical hoops so you can see who's the best.
Receiving treats and praise if you're academically correct,
Staying on top of things to make your parents proud,
Stressing over the fact that you can't **** up or you'll get put down.
Balancing on a ball filled with school, sports and life at home
Until it pops and they push you into the wild all alone.
So I guess you could say we're like animals in a zoo or the circus.
Trying to get 100% on our standardized tests so that we can feel perfect.
But at the end of the day all your gonna feel is worthless,
Because you're being tested on skills you were forced to develop,
And sooner or later you're gonna get fed up
You're gonna jump on your ball and that ball is gonna pop.
It's bound to happen on your fight to the top
And it's inevitable, there's no way to make it stop.
So when you start to feel worthless
'Cause your test scores aren't perfect
Just remember we're animals being watched in a zoo or a circus,
So you don't need to follow society, blindly
Throughout your life,
Or you'll be caged up like me
Doing tricks to survive.
Jay May 2013
Can you see her heart?
So gentle and loving,
Hurting hands are tearing it apart.
Though her face may not be perfect,
(Nobody's is)
She is NOT worthless,
She is much better than ****.
But that's how she feels,
She didn't have the loving mother you grew up with
She didn't have the daddy to have a tea party with.
Her tea party's turned into smoke sessions,
She grew up so fast.
We're so quick to judge by someone's appearance.
Rather than saying "I hate the things she does"
We say "I hate HER"
But she is innocent, living based on what she sees.
But you can't see her heart.
Gentle and loving while harmful things tear her apart.
Jay May 2013
Golden rays
Raining down, filled with happiness.
Enough to brighten even the most stubborn old man's day.
But she won't let it touch her,
Locked in the darkness of her heart,
Refusing to break her shell,
And he loves her
Wants her to break free,
But between you and me;
It's never gonna happen.
She doesn't think she deserves happiness.
But those golden rays shine so bright,
She would know if only she'd just lift her head and see the light.
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