I'm only me
When the lights have gone out,
The eyes have closed,
When the temptations give in
And no one else is there
To witness it

Then I can finally crawl
Out of the walls I've built
Around my fragile bones
And seek the night
Like an old friend

When my thoughts echo through my skull
Driving me to think and do
What's rejected all around
And I finally feel free
I finally feel like me

When my opinions run wild

the rain slowly paints your face with youth
making you look out of place this night
I can see the sky pressing down on your slim shoulders
you're weak

deny it all you want
I see your body shaking
underneath your torn clothes you've tried your hardest to rip
you're vulnerable

the moonlight makes you glow
it sees you in a different light than the rest of the sky
I know who you really are, not who you pretend to be when the light shines

you are weak and vulnerable in your suffering
but you make the coldest nights beautiful
**you somehow spin my world a different way

I don't remember, any more,
The exact shape of your hands
As I held them in mine,
Caressed them,
Memorized the length of your fingers,
The depth of your calluses.

I don't remember, any more,
Exactly your height, how much
Taller than me
You were, where
My head rested on your chest
When you held me tightly close.

I don't remember, any more,
Your scent, when we lay together
Creating our own
Magic rhythm,
Matching our heartbeats as we
Touched the sky, together.

I don't remember, any more,
The sound of your voice, calling
My name as though
It were a song
Within itself, a precious treasure
You valued with all your being.

And I don't remember, any more,
The color of your eyes, the shape
Of your lips,
Only...
How your eyes crinkled at the corners
And your laugh, as you told me,

"I love you."

To place so much on a
drop of amber is foolish and
perilous and brave and wonderful

How glorious it once was
My Wonderland
Singing flowers, unbirthday parties
And painting roses red
Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee
Laughing, playing jubilantly
White Rose
Beautiful, brave
Shy Violet
Strong, sweet
Hatter
Protective, playful
Gave hope, kindness, love
I grew older
Wonder fading
Until only madness remained
My dormouse hid in his little teapot
My Cheshire cat disappeared
The Queen of Hearts gave misery
Tied in a treacherous bow
The caterpillar tried to transform
Toxic, *****, fear
Beware the Jabberwock, my dear
He wants you for his bed
My love, the Hatter left me
One golden afternoon
Devoid of wonder
Doomed to ache
The White Rabbit came
And took me by the hand
To lead me from my once wondrous Wonderland
You’re late You’re late
Your future will not wait
No time to say “I love you, Goodbye”
You’re late You’re late You’re late

A silence with you
Is not
a silence

But a moment rich
with peace