so annoyed , bothered , like a soldier formally being deployed ,
minded , stuck in a moment , where spending hours and minutes, don't fit the time we have left to spend , wounded, hurt, harmed and battered thinking if I came at this life a little different , I would have achieved better tactics , I mean, I've been here before, starring ,standing in front of this door, just a different address, postal box ,zip code , though its been here, been here like tears , fears , days where I've dreaded the service men , coming to tell me my love didn't  make it, fake it , fake what , in this case let go of , lose grip , i have lost; my heartbeat, now heartache and regained pain where this soldier once lived , yet I've never managed to let go of memories, from the time we once lived in.

A big fire breathing robot boom box
played loud dance music
while a ******* clad girl danced
twirling fire batons.

She slipped into the water
Under the crest of the new fallen night
She was young and gorgeous, glowing too
Bones accentuated under the light.
She flowed in covers of darkness
Riding the dawn like a wave
Brought up like her father, brilliant and strong,
Taught that she needed to be brave.
The girl had learned all the lessons
Taken notes and brought them to mind
But when she needed these lessons the most
Her strength was not one she could find.
Backtrack just a little, a month, maybe two
Right there began such a snowball
Right there is when the strong pretty ocean
Had lost water and started to fall.
Because slowly the sea had been turning
The tides were all waiting to crash
The critters were running from home
Decisions becoming too rash.
The girl of the sea was now stuck
Between directions she didn't want to choose
And now more than ever, it seemed
Now she had everything to lose.
Hope had left with the turtles and fish
And slowly the girl lost her shine
Dreams trickled down the long waterfall
Her decision was made in short time.
And as of right now, she's doing quite well
You could say she is peaceful at last
But the beauty of the ocean will not be the same
As the girl that we knew in the past.

My
anxiety
frustration
confusion
present themselves
in every stroke of
my paintbrush
in every line I
weave
every image
I create from my
muddled mess
of thoughts

Every word
that stumbles
from my head
drips with the musings
of my over-active
mind

my angst could create
a novel
my sorrows could paint
the world

I cannot produce,
I cannot be used.
I sit here in dryness,
I call this abuse.

Seeds fall into me,
as they always do,
I cannot grow roses,
& flowers won't bloom.

My purpose stands nowhere,
I cannot see.
Why oh mother Earth,
would you do this to me?

I want to make tulips,
all lusciously aglow.
But there is a feeling,
I will never know.

Soil infertile,
Soil inebriate.
Why must I suffer,
such horrible fate?

Bring me winter,
Bring me spring,
bring all of the beautiful birds,
for them I want to sing.

Let me grow tulips,
let me grow roses.
As the sun shines,
on the children's noses.

Give me a beautiful,
wonderful garden.
Let me grow wood,
Let the tree's roots harden.