Driving on a gloomy night,
You spot a mass from afar.
Its eyes peer,
Like dear
Into the bright unknown.

"keep driving, he is the man in rags"

The light fades
Into the vacuum of darkness,
The man is left behind.

Many call him homeless
Yet he is loveless,
The man sweep the streets
With the rags
That hang on his back
Jingles a can
Pleading for change
Yet he still gets the same answer.

"keep walking, its the man in rags"

People wonder
Why doesn't he just get a job
Like the rest of us,
Yet the man
Can't hear the question  
His freedom is wrapped
In the rags
That drag after him.
Blind to change,
Can't hear the future.

"just keep talking, its just the man in rags"

A young couple
Chats about last nights tv show
While the man rambles
About scratch marks
On the leather seats
Of his 76 ford f150.
Her screams stained the carpet so much
That he had to sell it
To the devil
So he can live
With his foolish mistakes.

Yet he hasn't
Because he still can't take stop
For an answer,
He pushes street corners
Repeating himself
Like a wind up toy
Yet we wind him back up

"just keep walking, he is just the man in rags"

Twist and turns
Trump this roads personally
As my headlights peer above
To see where the devil
Hides his eyes in the moonlight.

Concentration is my weakness.
I need things
To distract my fractured mind
From the reality
That lies ahead.
I wish I can turn on
This broken car radio
So I don't have to be exiled into silence.

Please excuse my ego,
As it grabs onto silence
And pushes it away
With useless facts, remarks,
Anything to steer away
From dark clouds
That **** up my past.
That one I ignore
By escaping
The sound of silence,

I don't apologize
For my singing,
The cracks from my voice
Is the cure
To what is piercing the night.
I refuse to face
My demons around this car
As I run away
From silence.

Sometimes I'm curious
Of why silence
Is so violent.
Then I just realize
That it's the sound of reality.

It seems like it was coming to the end
Judging by your assumptions
I could tell
By the long silences
That pierced the air
The same air
That you thought
Was filled with love
When we were looking down
On the earth
Yes those days
When I thought
I ruled the world
We held the stars
By our palms
Sprinkling the innocence
Into every corner
Of the darkness,
Trying to find the light
On this earth

Yet like all stars,
Loves burns out
Into ashes
Sprinkled into the sea

I learned that
By the reaction you gave
When he held your hand
Tighter than I ever could

You were strangely less in pain
Than you were ice.
You were triumphant in your mind
Of the logic
That you hold seemed right.

Where did you go?
Thats all I ask sadly
My friends tell me
To leave my baggage behind
Yet I can't seem
To take the bags
You left on my eyes

The sleepless nights
Was the only warmth
To keep away from snow
I was buried
Homeless
I ate from the crumbs
You left from my stubbornness
My heart had no map
To find the mistakes
I made with you

Where are you now?
So I can ask why?
You launched me
Off my throne
Into the ground.
You were cold.
Like the dirt on the grown.
You never eased the blow.

Where are you now?
I cry whenever someone mentions farms
Imagining you back
Into your orchard
Of veins you crawled under.

Where are you now?
Are you haunted
By the silence
Of looking at we did

These stars are memories
To remind me
To never lend my hand out.
Because people like you
Will just drag me
In with them.

Pages of calendars have turned
Yet I hear your stories
Stories of your smile
And your frown

Job interviews terrify me,
Imagine a sea of black suits
And fake resumes.
Shoving reality out of the way
So they can act like robots
And smile on que.

You see I wasn't taught how to be like everyone else,
So when I sat down for my interview,
I knew I wasn't going to get the job.
So I pop my mental knuckles
And said lets do this.
Papers shift and turn all over the desk
As the man in front of me tries to decipher the codes
Written in times new roman.
Hold the phone,
He stops and notices some red on my wrist.
He ponders out loud,
"Is that a rubber band on your wrist?"
I say of course.
Confused, he asks why?

I take a deep breath
And tell him the truth,
Yes that truth
Nothing but that unchanged truth.
You see sir
I keep this with me at all times
I need to be prepared for battle
A rubber band war

You see me
And my 20 something year old friends
Run around giggling
Like they just found laughing gas
For the first time
Because we don't want this piece of rubber hitting us,
We chase through walls of books in libraries
Trying to keep ourselves quite
While the grown ups investigate
Where the giggles
And bold thumps on the carpet are coming from.

Because why?
Because this red rubber band
Holds me down to earth
Like the rest of the kids
Who star gaze to their futures,
Spreading their what ifs
And "wouldn't it be cool if's" into the sky
Grown ups call them stars.
But kids call it dreams.
Do you want to why I have this red rubber band?
It's because it's a temporary reminder
To never grow up
And become apart of this sea of black suits.

My hands can't make a fist
Like yours.
They tremble
Shaking off the stone
That the colossi painted
Over their slumber parties as kids
The cracks that divide my hands
From freedom.
My dry hands
Are dehydrated
From the lack of love
No moisture
My tears could only be used
To break through
The thoughts of hell
I cannot spare
To shed another.

Don't dare you touch my hands
Look closely
Those blue veins
Are memories
I avoid at school cafeterias
They hide
Under my callous hands
Which work to no goal
Only to dreams
Scattered on the ***** floor

Oh?
Your smile
Seemed to wake up my pores
And prove me wrong
By telling me

It’s going to be okay

Yes Yes
I can make a fist like that
But only if I'm holding your hand

The anchors gave up
Its wicked grasp
From the beasts belly
My shackles seem to levitate
Off my gaping tunnel.
That surrounds where my spirit
Used to live.

I advise you my kind sir
To not explore
What lies ahead,
The scent of perfume
Made this island angry
With rage through the night
And now it breathes
A little lighter.
The weight of her touch
Holds the pressure
From these rolling hills
Which feel like prison cells
on the inside.
Not knowing what lies ahead
Is the worst
Goblet of poison to drink from.

You ask me how I got here,
And you see,
I was looking
Through the puddles
On the highway,
Searching for the answers
On how I can get the poison
From my eyes,

You see,
It seemed to blind me
From the future,
I kept searching far and wide
Through my broken mind
Till my sail stopped pushing me
To pointless corners of my mind
And smuggled on to this island,
Up in this skies
Separated by juniper and bark
That kept me up at night.

I survived
But my innocence
Was stripped and scalped
By the blade
That the beast hangs up
On her ceiling as a chandelier.

Now kind sir,
Let us seek asylum
From the dank air
That shivers my bones,
The beast seems to have
Got what it wanted.
I feel like this mystic place
Has taught me all that I need
And now I need to struggle
To see the future.

I had a moment of clarity
In my life
When I would wake up
From my night terrors
The train tracks outside my window
Wobbled louder than my sanity.
Yes you were there
Patrolling my dreams,
Sprinkling hatred
Over the innocence.
You were the fake ****
Who conducts lies
With your promises.
Your nails, nail the impression
That you practice
On voodoo dolls
Hanging in your soul.
Tearing each thread
Back to its spindle.
It cries.
Prying apart
Till frost vacates your heart
Into these dolls.

Look at you go!
Like Reptar,
You mustered the mightiest rawr
To scare everyone away.
Like reptar you are the toy,
Imagine that.

You see,
They use their imagination
To make you look like
What your faking to be.
Someone different.
You forced me
To lock you up in my dreams.
Murderous murders
Slaughtering anyone
Who mentions my name
So you can feed the meat
You store in the temple
Filled with thorns.

People say stick and stones
May break my bones
Yet your smile
Still shatters them to dust,
Stuck between your nails.
An inconvience.
That's what you would called it.

Hear ye hear ye
My apologies
For me not being clearly.
You must understand
My voice is a little drowned
By the lack of intelligence
You ponder about.
Especially when I glossed over the fact
That this is the poem
I've always want to throw down
Onto your trenches
On your forehead,
The gateway to the mind
Which conducted
The illist mistake
Thinking I'm not worth the time.

I was ******
As I slammed the door through the darkness
Unbound by the bounties of karma
Like the blind man,
I couldn't see what was in front of me all along
Fate played these tricks on me.
The only thing guiding me on this excursion
Are the chains bounded to you
Captain oh captain
The one who walks besides me
On this road of darkness
Holding a transparent torch
It sparks no imagination
Yet these chains feel a little lighter
I feel as if my shadow’s heart
Is picking up the slack
Left from these chains
I cannot continue longer
My feet trips on the blood
Scooched between my toes
Yet you
Captain
Marched
I look at the reflection on the floor for guidance
And I see stars raining out whispers of hope
No I cry
Captain oh captain
lead me away from the darkness
I won't back down
I will be a blind man.

Take my hand
So I can show you my past
I was a trader
I traded people's desires
With the idea of feeling liked
My ego was stroked
Every time I would collect my clothes
I set sail to what it would feel like to love
Not have to stumble at sunrise
Looking for my shoe

The devil put his ear to the door
And I drove in.
Through the fire and ice
Gracing my face with the thought of leaving it behind
Yes you should do the trick
The way you pick your words
that lick off of my weak ability to keep a relationship
I wish she could know
She separates me with the wall she writes on her laptop
I wish she could just tell
Yet this wall separates me from the red eyes I created
The devil is looking through the keyhole

It's raining memories outside
I hope it doesn't scare you
Watch out if you don't have a coat
You will get the cold
From my cold cold heart
The bags which caresses my irises
Watch the memories run down the window
I hope she liked those flowers
I hope she can forget
The kisses that stain her from the Sinclair

Im sorry but I cannot dance with you anymore
My date would get jealous
And I have been exiled to this ballroom
The devil grabs my shoulder
We begin to dance to the mistakes echoed on the mic
The crying
The whaling
That similar tune

The starry nights,
the cities miss out on these things.
The peace, the kindness , and you
Oh hell yes you
The red stop light pierces the darkness
It cuts deep from the Loneliness of the night lights insomniacs stare at
The stars that we gazed upon were starting to melt into your irises
The red sparks to green.
Green reminds us that we need to get up and go
To shut up and drive away
Away from the harsh reality like
Just like a birds
We will fly in your truck
But occasionally we will stop at stare at the irises that makes gods jealous
God called he asked for the galaxy back
I told him you can't take her eyes
Because they show me how life works
Like the instructions in a Lego set.
I wanna build temples made with blankets
And pillows
Things that we did when we 8 and didn't discriminate.
Let's stop this car
So I can write a novel on how god fit the. Universe in your eyes.

Rawr
Like Reptar,
You started young and innocent
Blissful of the world’s sins
Spiraling in the alleyways

But oh no, not anymore

I see that her claws grew in
She has been practicing
With my heart
Dicing up the lies
And scattering them
In the darkest corners
Of my soul

“ Love, why do you smell like Shawn”

I can smell it under those claws
That slither up his spine
Gaining pleasure
From each dark spot
He leaves on your neck.

I see that her claws grew in
So she can scoop my past
And dump it on table
Look at what you did 6 months ago
Yet I never mention
Those dark spots

Until now

See everyone!
Her selfish claws grew in!
My now ex Girlfriend
Cheated on me
And found it
Justified

Rawr
That is the sound
Of kicking people
Out of my life
I hide in this cave
Terrified of my past
The past that stained my tears
All that is left is
Big
Dark
Spots

These burning letters
Go to my dying mother
To help her
Sing the last note
In the clash of concertos
Called her downfall

Dear mother, oh mother
Do not cry
You will be going
To a place
Where no one
Can wipe your tears
They were too busy
Paving the road ahead of you
It is the same way it has been for me

Dear mother oh mother
Let me build
The house from stones
Left behind
By us skipping rocks
By the streams
The place where you raised us
So we couldn't sink

With the stones
Glued to your heart,
Somedays on a casty day,
I'll reel myself
To this war zone
And the hear the wailing
That comes from the waves
Receding from the cove

Dear mother, oh mother
Pray for me
In my darkest hours
Leave me
In this dusty attic
It creaks the leaks
Left by the creek

Dear mother, oh mother
Please don't see my future
All you will see
Are shards of regrets
Draped by the fabric
Of the silenced

If you saw who I would be
It would break your heart
That rest by these burning letters.

Come here kind sir
And hand me a scarf
Her whisper
Passed down my spine
And sent the children
Running away
Mothers hold their children
In tall tree houses
Telling them
That she fell off the tree
Long ago

She is sour
About the worm
That twist
Through the maze
Called her steampunk heart.
I never felt steam so cold
Until I saw the animal
She had become

Did you feel that?
Thats her pushing you away
whats her problem?
Well..
Because she refuses to face them
Those leakes seep through
The Steamy heart

Do you see that!
Its right there
When she tells you
Why you are such a failure
But hey
It takes one to know one.

Im sorry
If I'm being so cold
But that is what happens
When you're next
To the Ice
Shivering batches of arrogance
Tossed down my shirt
But hey
She was the one
That made me.

Oh love, Oh love
Please don't forget
My last dying words
The Words that seep
Through the crevices
Of your smile

Oh love, Oh love
How you saw deep
Through my laugh
And Dug deep
Through the messages
I sent to you
Flickering the strobe lights
To see if anyone cared
And you love deep
Through every thorn
you saw the beauty
Through my heart

Oh love, Oh Love
Please forgive me
I have a monster inside me
Snugged deeply
By the 10 year old me
The sticks and stones
Most certainly broke my soul

The creature is restless
Left to defend itself
From the whispers
Left in the wind

Oh love, Oh love
Death will come take me
He will leave no note
He won’t tell you
That you were right

Im just a boy
Sitting alone
Exiled to stare
At this phone
On a Saturday night
While my girlfriend
Is talking to a boy
Alone

"We were just talking"
She said

"You can trust me"
She said

I trusted her very little
By the trail of hickies
Left by the lies
She drew up on my phone

"We were just talking"
She said

"You can trust me"
She said

These messages ring
In my ear,
Echoing
Through the tears
That mask the sadness
Left behind
By her eyes
Those dam eyes
Clogging up the pillow
I cry from.

Im just a boy
Sitting alone
Exiled to stare
At this phone
On a Saturday night
Hoping that last night
Was just
A dream

I need to take the shovel
From her hypocritical hands
So she can stop digging
Up
The
Past
Where my Skeletons
Rest upon the beach

I turn through these photos of you
Like searching
For a lost number
In a phone book.
I try to seek
Every small thing
In the photo that makes you shine,

Another reason
Another reason to add
To the enormous list
Of small things you do
That make me crazy for you
Crazy for the one dimple being bigger than the other one
Crazy enough to tell you how I feel
While you're wrapped around me
In the ice cream shop
I keep pinching myself thinking
“I don't want this day to end”

Now ironically I want to speed up time
Force the minute hand to spiral
Into the abyss called my mind
Counting each day
Till I get to hold your hand
So don't slip on the ice that has separated us
These skype calls feel so different
The pixels from your smile
Makes it seem
Like distance is taking your beauty away
Every night I pray to this dreamcatcher by my bedside
Hoping for my dreams of being with you again can happen
Now.
Not soon
Not next month
I don't want to see another pixel
Hide those eyes looking at me
I’ll find a way to see you
No matter how many times
I look at my vacant wallet
I will still feel so rich with all of the love we share
I mean can your kisses buy me a train ticket
To your head on my chest
I swim through the rivers
Dance through the Highways
And hop each train track
If it lead to your heart once more

The boy sees the same screams as the hospital
His parents paint the walls with pain and regrets
You see the rest of the family are looking down
At the boy who ****** it all up
The oldest son says
“We should leave him somewhere, like the zoo”
“He is broken isn't he?”

The mother takes him to the park
So the bruises will be drowned
By laughter and the grains of sand
The sun gives false hope to the mother
Stretching it’s tentacles
Feeling happiness on her checks
Hope that the boy could get fixed
Because autism makes him broken right

But the mother snaps back
like the hats that hides her tears
Because she knows
What Daddy does at night.
Daddy baptizing his liver with poison
So he can lose the feeling
of missing his kids while he is working
30,40,50
The hours keep climbing
Like his temper with mother.
Another night of children
Hiding their heads under pillows.

Darkness Is A Blanket
It wraps me around
The smell of ominous uncertainty
Yet I’m allergic to being wrong
So my skin seems to puff up
My eyes turn bloodshot red
From all of the steam
That cleans out my gears
To move my rusty engine
That is odd
When I think of you
I feel a sharp pain
It’s where my heart used to reside
Before you snatched it
And pounded it
Tenderizing the love
I gave to you
Before you fed it
To the dogs,
Who tendon by tendon
Ripped my soul
From all of the movie nights
And all of the concerts
We use to venture off to
Now my artificial heart
Is asking my insides
Why is there this knot
In his chest.
Looking for answers
That escaped the camps
Through the tears of my eyes
Because darkness is a blanket
Called you

The boy with no words
Sitting in a doctors office
The words Autism was cast on him
Like the wizards in the books his mother reads him
This boy sees his mother
leaning on a wall for comfort as she screams
“Oh god why!”
The screams paint the walls
Doctors try to act like they feel her pain
Throwing around comforting words
Just so she could shut up
The doctors are embarrassed
Because other patients are looking
Shaken up like the soda cans
They crabbed from the lounge
The Boy just sits there
On the glossy floor, thinking
“Get up, we are missing Saturday cartoons”

Welcome to my programmed event
Here in the stadiums
That I built under my innocence
I've working on a new test,
A new subject

That subject is called her
I've been pulling
On a few of her strings
And tested her
To the limit of no return

Remember her?
Probably not
Because
She left that smile
In the waiting room
The one you saw
When You talked her
About Canadians waiting in line
You didn't realize
That I was a ticking time bomb
For her demise

The test are done
The lab is closed
And I am presenting a hypothesis
On how to break someones heart

Lets starts with if's and then's
If you scream ****** ******
Then you execute her buckets
That hold liquid pain
If you look closer
You will see that the patient
Will quiver due to her soul
Being electrocuted
From the shock therapy
That my words
Joyfully give off.

If you you repeat stuff
Then the patient's oils
Will leak off the face
Leaving the hollow,
Evacuated soul
Searching for survivors
In the damaged hearts

If you take her for granted
Then you will be alone
No one to watch movies with you
On a Friday night
No one to make you realize
How lucky you are

If you are alone
Then the oils
Will leak off your face
Leaving the hollow,
Evacuated soul
Searching for survivors
In the damaged hearts

I had these anchors holding my smile down
As I smell the last time you laid your head on this pillow
I curse the sky for your poison
That induced me into a coma of despair
All I am hypnotized to do is use this pillow
To capture all of the screams
That seem to escape my slippery mouth
All I can see is a bunch of why’s floating with no answers
I seem useless like a politician
These are the whys
Why I failed to make you fall asleep happy
Every night

Why do I bother to be perfect?
it seems that the more I try to be what you believe is me
the more I peel off the the pages of *******
and spread them with the ashes
Left by this city I burned down

Why can’t I see myself in the mirror?
My shadow trumps the room with anger
All of the lights,
All of the lights,
All of the lights,
Went away when I stole your switch
But my brain snitched and broke every stitch
Left by the bits of hate thrown your way.

Why oh Why
Do I still Blast your music?
Maybe if I drown my heart with this bass
I can forget the way you carried my soul with grace
Until I slapped your hands away,
Why do my hands still hurt?

Why do I see her when I close my eyes to blink?
Why am I writing this poem?
Its not like she will hear it
Over the words I carved into her
She can't read it
I blinded her with my demons
Why?
Why did I say that?

I left my fake smile
At my house
Next to my innocence
I hide my fears
In a locked cabinet
Near where I hold hate
The hate that makes the floorboards
Creek deep within the night
Trying not to wake up the past
So I can sneak a few handfuls of Cheerios
To help crave my selfishness
I want you to count
The dark circles around my eyes
The circles are like the center of a tree
The amount of circles counts up
To the last time I had imagination
Come play at my house
This house is nothing but a butterfly net
It captures all the beautiful things
That flap around my life

There is a tide
Roaring up to my toes
As I am glued
To this crummy sand
This sand was God's plan
To bread the ashes
So we can store it in Poseidon's belly
I was the leftovers
From the City Hopkins Dance
Be kind
The sob stories
Are locked up
With the " how do you do's"
And the "I'm feeling fine"

There is a tide
Roaring up to my knees
People need to stop pleading
If they noticed me
Lurking in the shadows
Tied down behind them
They were too busy
With the racket ***** on recess
Maybe I could believe in it
Every white lie
Wiped across their unconcerned faces.

There is a tide
Roaring up to my wounded heart
Yes the heart
The heart that lays in my chest
The same chest that you laid on
Strawberries
That was the last thing I remember
About you

Another day another number
Another day another empty bedside
Another day to smell the hair on the pillow sheets
That cocoon me with my frantic mind
Another day acting like
Sleeping with different girls every week is fun
Another day of being called a ****** slayer
By your friends who wish they were like you

Why oh why
Do I have to see these days pass by
Without being called a ****
Another day where men measure themselves
On how manly they are
By the number of girls you have slept with.

Sleep on this
I can’t sleep at night
As Whatshername’s
Hair brushes on my nose
I sit there thinking these 14 things
That seem to tug on shirt
Asking for my attention

1.) I hope she had fun tonight

2.) I hope this clock stays at 2:13am
maybe if I stare at it the minute hand
It won’t move

3.) I hope I can feel loved by her by another night
I want her to see
That I’m not just a ******
Craving her curves on my body.

4.) I hope she can see through the cracks of my smile

5.) I hope she sees that I’m not like everyone guy

6.) I hope I can make her pancakes when she wakes up
Before she escapes the person she calls a regret.

7.) I hope sun doesn't come up
Because I’ll have to walk alone in cold street called reality

8.) I hope she doesn't realize
The reason I have *** with her
Is to avoid to larger problems in my life.

9.) I hope that ****** worked

10.) I hope I can change my ways,
why can’t change my ways?

11.) I hope my dad’s leather belt
Isn't waiting for me
When I sneak back home,
Yet I’m excited to see it
Because I feel my father’s touch
Through the sounds of leather

12.) I hope my future son doesn't see me like this

13.) I hope my number of girls I've slept with stops at 13

14.) I hope I can stop

Stop
Stop
Stop
Whenever I try stop
All I can think of
Are those words
Floating around my head
Convicting me
That if people call you a “****”
“****** slayer”
“Man *****”
I just think to myself
“Well I guess I am who I am”
15
16
17

I ponder
Through the murky wasteland
Trying to clear the clatter
That rattles in my mind

Ill call out to my ideas
But it seems
That it prefers
Tranquility
Over the epiphanies
That seem to
Snap,
Crackle,
POP!
To the rhythm
Of the Rice Crispies
I had this morning

"I have no clue what to write."

Maybe if I rubbed my head
It could get
All of the Knots
Out of my Knoty head

My hand
Connected with pen
Feels tongue tied
To the cotton *****
That spring
Out of my imagination
And lands onto
Um.... What?

"I need to take a walk"

The snow makes this humming noise
Can you hear it?
It’s the noise
That people described
When they were huddled
Around the campfires
Telling ghost stories
Back in the day
When the ground was soaking dry
And the tank top filled days
Ricocheted off of the boys
Chasing Bigfoot thought the cornfields.
The reflection of innocence
Left my mind
When reality kissed me
With her cigarette filled breath.
Leaving me
Cold,
Rusty,
Flaking away
From the radiant skin
That brushed off the cornfields.

The snow makes this humming noise
Can you hear it?
It sounds like my friends
Moving away
From the innocence
And transferring
To the school
Of harsh expectations.
They were forced
To take daily vitamins
Consisting of impractical expectations
Left by the people
Who said that they just couldn't do it.
You see,
My friends didn't follow the boy scout honor,
They left traces of themselves
Behind the cracks of my skull.

The snow makes this humming noise
Can you hear it?
Its sounds like the snow
Is giving a close shave
To the power lines
That crackle with apprehension.
I walk about the desserted Ice cream
That has foamed over the cornfields.
My feet seem to stick
To the people who wants me
To be just like my brother,
Whenever I creep
Through the creek of snow,
I get trapped by the vacant wasteland
All I can do is wait
For I am waiting for jack frost
to **** up my last breaths.
Crushing my soul
With the rhythm
of this humming noise
The snow makes.

Is there tear gas in this room?
Because I can't stop crying
The gas crawls down my esophagus
And crushes my wounded heart.

“God this hurts”

I keep typing,
Praying to computer screen
That I'll forget the smell of your hair
I type till my fingers bleed
So I can forget what your touch feels like
How our lips fit perfectly together.

“God I hate myself”

The only phrase I think of
When I'm pleading for things to back to normal
Back to the days
Where you didn't want to to crack open my skull
And see all of the ugly things
That drift around my cranium

“Baby please I'm sorry. I’m a mess,
A klutz, who waltzes around with stupidity
Baby I get this feeling in my head
When you are not around
I want to keep writing you these love letters
By sliding them under your doors called your eyelids”
But I can’t

I sit alone in the bus called life
Looking across my seat
I see you, my love
Holding onto the bar
Your pretty Blue headlights
That make me drawn to you
Your pretty Blue headlights
Covered with the rain I caused
I'm a rain man,
you see, when people get close to me
I get scared
And force the skies rain to tears with pain.


The only thing that floats in my mind
Is that I hope the man of you life
Buys you flowers
Sunflowers especially
And shows up to your work unexpectedly.
I hope you can travel to Paris
and keep a long list of all of the countries
you've cuddled in.
With him.
I hope you he can handle seeing the stars
From your eyes every time you guys cuddle
Under the moon light.
I hope he can teach you how to slow dance
And I hope that he can teach me
On how to be a better man.

Moonshine on your eyes
My watch tells me lies
Laying down on this truck bed
There is no way it is 4am
Because I feel so refreshed
Like a new day
Another time to see you.

The moonshine drips off my tears
When you tell me that you are not going anywhere
You see, I've hidden what makes me,me
I believed in the make believe
My dreams become reality.
Fairy tales do exist.

The moonshine reflects your soul
You see, it's a little bruised for the skeletons
These ******* skeletons left the fruit flies and the beetles
Caressing your wounded heart.
Your wounded heart stumbles through battle
The dead bodies are the lies
Disney princesses taught you
I want to stop ask
Do you want to come live in my arms?

The moonshine drips out my thoughts
I love you so **** much
Oh **** I didn't mean to do that
Yet you silenced me with the kisses, kisses
That fit with my lips in an ironic way.

The moonshine at 4am feels so new
I can't take my eyes off of you
Your dimples pop up when I tell you
Your response feels like harps playing this songs
A song that makes the cold melt
The moonshine is telling me something.
It's telling me what your lips and your dimples are saying.
I love you.

I see you in class
Yeah you
With the brown hair
It was the 3rd grade
And I was speechless

In class I would dream
That I would share my PB and J with you.
You passed me a note in math class
Asking me if you could meet me at the flag pole
You wanted to give me a surprise.

A surprise?
A surprise!
What could it possibly be?
A kiss?
A PB and J?

I had to find out,
So after math class
I skipped across the halls
My eyes were glued to the flag pole

Where is she?
My breaths were taken away from the thought of you.
Tall 5th graders' shadows started to walk towards me
They have the eyes that told me to run.
I dropped my lunch box and ran
Into a 5th grader.
More started to come out of the evening shadows
These boys were out for blood tonight.
They started to push me around
Like the words that were being thrown around
Punches and dirt thrown in my face
Reminded me that I fell for a girl
I didn't even know
I wish I could have told you how I really felt.

These boys held me down,
Stripped everything that kept me sane
And crucified me on the flag pole.
The place I thought would change my 8 year old life.

Is this what Jesus felt like?
The feeling that I'm going to heaven
Were my corps would decay on the flagpole
This flagpole

After what felt like forever
These boys left me to the hounds called the night time
I want to barge out of my shackles
And scream "why, god!"
I start to cry away,
Away from here.

It's 2am
I'm staring in my bedroom mirror
I pray to the mirror
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Why have you made me mute after all?
The mirror just sits there in horror
Reflecting the mess I have become.

I start to look at my face
I see my red demonic eyes
Caused by the concoction of tears and dirt being kicked
I feel the cuts that burn from the lies
I told myself

I look at my frail hands
And see my ****** nails from fighting back.
I noticed my wrists were ****** from the crucifixion
I wonder to myself why didn't they **** me?
Just finish me off and let my prayers be answered.

Then I look at my chest
I see cuts and bruises
Scattering around me like the feeling of loneliness

I press ******* my cuts
I want to feel something
My soul was extracted
By boys who lost it
From a closed fist from a angry father.

I look at the mirror and realized
I am ashamed of who I am.

She
She is a *****
no, no not the dog kind
but the one that makes it hard to breath when she is around

She is the reason why I don't tell people who I am
because she uses oil as lipstick
you see my secrets seem to slip out of her mouth
and land in front of people that I don't even know

“ I did not know you were a bad kisser”
Do I, know you?

She is the reason why kids are afraid of monsters in their closets
I remind them not to get close to them
Or they will **** all of the skeletons out of your closet
Show everyone who they really are.

She haunted my nights
Staring at photos that now mean Jack

Then I got this funny feeling
Whenever I see you
Smiling
Looking
Down
ON ME?

You had these eyes
They sang me a beautiful song in a strange language
Telling me that everything will be okay.

We fogged up the car one night
Not because we were having ***
But it was because we were trading music to each other
You sit with me in a book store for three hours
And never look at the time
Because time was on our side

Whenever I'm with you I see time slowing down for us
And our kisses pass stories of embarrassing moments
Religious beliefs
And the brief story of your adventures in Europe.

Every kiss taught me that You are such a keeper
We are like grade school kids
Completely innocent to the slime
That modern dating has become.

She noticed us
She didn't like You and you know what
She was sad because She couldn't pull my strings anymore.
Whenever I saw She
She would be jealous
And you know what
Good, let She!

What if I told you
That when the going gets tough
You don't have to give up?
No **** Sherlock!

What if I told you
That you can hold onto something you care about?
Something that makes you crack a smile.
Cracked like dried skin

But all you do is brush it off
Because that is what makes you all sealed up.
Your x's give you a reason to lock up your house.
You shut the blinds to your beautiful mind and write poetry.

Well you keep writing poetry
Because that is way hot
Hotter than my skin temperature when I asked you on a date.

I feel for you pretty hard.
Hard like the diamonds that are scatted in your irises.
They glisten in the sun with your delicate hair
Getting in my mouth?

Baby I don't wanna have my way with you.
I wanna gain your trust
We would start with trust falls
Then move up to whispering in your ear
"There is a hair on your ****"

I wanna know what peeves you off
And where you are ticklish.
I wanna laugh our lives away

I wanna hold your hips
Under the street lights that scattered  downtown and say,
"I kind of like you miss, is it just me or am I ******* crazy."
Our ability to be spontaneous makes us feel alive.

I know how easy it is to give up
But the simple act isn't so fun.
I know you are going to hate this
But I’m not going anywhere
I’m not giving up like all of the ghosts surrounding your heart.

I'm going to be that one guy
That will picket outside your house
So you can open those blinds
And come outside

Now let’s kick back, relax
And let’s find out.
How on earth did you get those diamonds in your eyes?

I awake from my slumber as beauty calls my name.
My eyes reach for the wooden roof that rests above the clouds.
They were adjusting from my dreams which occupied my mind

My ears are terrified
From the silence made by mother nature knocking on my door
I hear her looking through the window to see if I'm there
but I don't respond because I don’t know if I'm there.

I start walking towards the door
She has her web casted on me as she was luring me to this door
This flimsy door.

I open the door to view what she has to offer
And I offer my eyes to see what she has created.
you see, my eyes are her canvas to paint the meaning in this world

I saw a lake from afar
It's flaunting its blue dress at me
Telling me to come closer for it holds a secret.

I look around and see the path that rest before me
I see the sharp rocks that flood the empty path
I can't turn back because mother nature locked me out of this house

I slowly make my descent down to this lake
My feet are screaming from the rocks.
It feels like I am dancing on top of needles.

I have to stop though I think my feet are bleeding
I stop around Newton’s tree to see where the blood is falling from
but all I got were fruity smells tickling me

Oh ****! I lost my pair of glasses
Without my glasses I will go bananas
But Nature makes my eyes a little clearer

I finally make it to the lake where a dock rests upon my feet
It’s the morning, yet my toes feel so warm.
They seem to be hugging the deck making me frozen still.
But you, mother nature, grabbed my hand and led me.

All the way to the end
The end of this dock
I look behind me and see my loved ones
Floating above the ground

And they were crying
Like they were going to miss me
Will they?

Mother nature whispers for me to jump into the lake
So I face this lake
And
I
Let
Go

Laughter Flows through the room
Like the clouds slithering across this glooming sky

It’s odd
The calendar on my wall says its December
But I feel so warm right now
With all of these people
With all of the memories framed up around my house

As the night drew to a close
My friends bid me their farewells
So they can go back to their homes
All I was left with was this house

And you

Yes you

You sat there are on my couch
I could see it in your eyes that something was on your mind
And you ask me greatest question to ever pop up
On this gloomy December night.

“ I cant seem to solve you, who are you really?”
I turn confused scratching my head like a busted CD
The question kept repeating in my mind
“What is their to know about me?”
“Well…
You are funny and all but that's not what you always are?”
I sat down next to her and I said

Wanna know who I am?

I am the person everyone wants me to be
I smile big in front school pictures
I smile bigger and bigger when I am in the center of attention.
I’m emotionless when a deer is dead on the road.
I cry when celebrities die
And not when 14 citizens die from another bomber.
I vote not knowing both sides of each issue.

I do what people tell me to do
When they ask me how I’m doing
I hold a big smile and say
I’m pretty good

I’m an ******* who scares everyone
Who tries to be close to me away
Because under all of this laughter and this smile,
I’m controlling.
I’m afraid that you will be just like the others and leave me alone
Who scrape my heart with your car
So I grab and I squeeze
I don't want you to be like every other person that has stumbled into my life.

But I don't say any of that
instead I just say
“I'm just some guy”

Hey you
Can you grab a glass a water for me
Something is in my throat
tickling me like when you elbow my stomach
because I was tickling you too much under the soccer fields
the ones you played on as a kid

Can you grab me a glass of water
My throat feels like my heart is coming up my mouth
Twisting and squeezing and turning to escape my organs
Because my body, my mind, and my heart isn't good enough for you

Can you grab me a glass of water
I need to breath out all of the flames you created
Twisting my arm and shoving me in the room of sorrow
It's so dark in here because this battery you gave me is broken
You see you gave me more negatives than positives
Yet I still believed it would work
Because you said it would.

Can you grab me a glass of water
I need to wash my mouth
From all of the lies you have kissed in my mouth
Take it all back and shove it to all of the guys that you ****** for one night

Can you grab me a glass of water
So I can clear out any memories of you

I see this town from a far
sitting in the quiet car
the raindrops dripping on the window

Its been twenty weeks
Twenty weeks of procrastination, meeting new people,
and trying to forget what I used to be
I forgot why I saw on that see saw.

I pull up to a vacant house
the house that I once called a home
yet the monsters have scared my family away
I uncertainly opened the door
as I ponder about the idea that I may have went to the wrong house
“I swear I opened out my christmas presents here”
“I swear that these were the stairs that I trekked every school day”
The thunder the constant reminder that I am not dreaming
and this is my house
I start to switch up the lights to see the damage that the monsters have caused

I see my mother was ripped off of these flaky walls
and the wind blew her away
yet you can still see of her love hiding in the light
I see my brother and sister as been torn by this monster
there is a brick wall that separates them apart
you see they are divided
yet their souls are poking through the cracks trying see them again

I found my mom today
she is filling my gears up with her gossip
she tells me stories of the monsters eating people up

When I went to the grocery store to get food on tuesday
I saw one of my friends checking out
he told me he dropped out because
the college life was not for me
but all i see is that change scares him shitless
because if he changes then he has to deal with this town
this ******* town
He says he wants to go to France but he can't find the time
but all I hear are his comfort zone shrinking away to a pebble on the ground

When I was walking home I saw that one girl
whatshername
That one girl who kicked my shins and give me that letter
where did that letter go, I never got the chance to open it
She was that one girl I say picking petals of of that sunflower
but She looks different
the town tore her apart
she live in the past as I keep climbing into the future.

Now I climb into this car
to go back to my new home
yet I will never Photoshop the scares off of my past with this town
I live in this town
this town that has become a monster

I live in this Town
This ******* Town
I walk at night making these street lights my northern star
You see, the lights are point to the gas station near the high school
Because this is where my friends are

My friends welcome me with open arms
Because the see what I see
They hear what I hear
They think what I think

They see this town turning
They see that this town is no longer filled with opportunity
The tire swing is no longer there
It melted away like the rest of our dreams
The blue skies have gone away
All my friends see are the street lights loitering the gloomy roads.

My friends hear useless rumors
Rumbling in their rusty gears called boredom
School has imprisoned our creativity
And forced us to become a number in the standardization of this world
School told us that we can't all be astronauts.

I want to leave
This town is slowly putting chains on me.
I can see it in my older friends
They smoke cigarettes at the park were they used to swing their lives away.
Thank god I have college to swoop me up
and put me under her wings

But now before I fly away,
I see that girl who was kicking my shins in Elementary
School covered in the slums called darkness,
You see the Town took her spirit away
And now I can the monsters crawling out of the closets and roaming the streets

I live in this town
This town that holds my childhood memories
Like you holding my clueless hand at the City Hopkins dance.
You seemed to never let go
Like the grass that stains my Blue, Sky Jeans.

I live in this town
This town that hosted many little league baseball games,
Hosted many right fielders prancing around the blue skies
Picking dandelions off of the ground.
These right fielders are looking at the jet streams in the clear skies
Imagining the streams are people are launching into space.

That’s funny
Its crazier than their dreams
Which are sealed up in their own imaginations
Like the fairytales they read about.
Yet their dreams hold opportunities
Holding like my mom dragging me to the bus on the first day of school.

Heh School
A place where reality slowly kicks in
Notes are passed around with pencils being thrown at the ceiling like darts
The girl I've known since pre K gave me a note today
We used to swing on that tire swing near the golf course
But now she kicks my skins and accuses me of “cootieness”

Meanwhile she is sitting on the front porch
Picking petals off of a sunflower
Does he like me?
Does he like me not?
Does he like me?

I live in this Town
This town that holds many monsters in the closet
Although on the outside of the story shows tinker bell shedding her pixie dust
If you flip through the pages
You will fall down the rabbit hole.

These pillars that we call skyscrapers
Stretch to the skies looking for the gods that rest upon these clouds
Yet all I see are these prisons bars hiding the mountains.
This concrete jungle is trying to persuade me that
Only my dreams could touch the sky
Not my oily fingers that paint the pollution in the skies.

I need to escape,
LA lied to me
They told me that beauty is within the actors and artist
They are the stereotypes that run this city

I need to move east
Move to the Rockies
The mountains that cut deep within these clouds.
There will be the place that I flirt with immortality

Airline ticket in hand, I knew I was not going to come back
I knew when I smelt the Colorado air.
This air that is so new
Untouched by man
And unseen by the models from LA

I tracked towards the mountains on a trail
This trail is the golden compass that many men traveled on
As old ruins of ghost towns sit intertwined with mother nature
Teaching us that man will die and mother nature will go on.

I reached a lake
12,000 Feet above the city slickers and the cameras
Painted with the strokes that no artist can brush
I can't brush off the unexplainable feeling
Of not hearing a single person.
Although this wooden sign says that that I am at Nolan Lake
I still believe that I am in heaven.
Clouds roll over the Mountains to greet me.
Tears roll off of my cheeks
And create this waterfall
That crashes onto the base of the valley
Surrounded by the Titans called Mountains

My heart is clean
My mind is calm
My hands are moist by gods tears of joy.
I am happy

Scream’s stains these walls,
Throwing around words that we don’t mean.
Storming down the stairs
Saying things that give me chills down my spine,
Please don’t do that.
These men in blue come into the house.
Screams of pain are thrown from them
Detaining the animal you have become.

My mother should be an author
She carves her soul into millions of pieces
Leaving it behind all of the family photos
When I see my mother
I see a woman
Who wants to hide her soul in a needle
Just so the screaming can stop in her mind,
These bottles are rattling in the living room
You see they have put shackles on her heart,
She can't love anymore
Without having ***** in her water bottle.

Where is she hiding her beer?
I feel like my mother is giving me a scavenger hunt
From the shards of glass that were left on the baseball fields
My mother used to take me to.

You know she always wasn't like this
She was strong minded and had a big heart
Tonight I will tell you the story of a woman
Who lost her soul to the Keystones to the Miller Lites
To the ****** Mary’s.
Let's rewind time
See ******* the soul in ten years

10- I look into my mother's eyes and I start to cry
Because I'm looking at a woman who I don't know anymore

9- I refused to bail her out of jail again
Because I'm afraid her kidney will fail if she drinks again

8- My mother staggered into the theater and disrupted the whole play,
My cast mates turned to me and asked, isn't that your mother?

7- I had to hold my mothers hand
Because she was throwing up the cocktail of drugs and alcohol

6- Daddy had to get mom out of jail she was drinking again

5- My mother throws the bottle across the room
And told me the reason why she drinks is because I'm Autistic

4- My mother overslept for my piano recital,
I didn't think it was a big deal
But I remember she spent the whole night crying
With a wine glass in her hand.

3- Mommy I didn't know your prescription came in a needle

2- Mommy the prescription say 2 pills a day
why are you taking 6?

1- My mother went to the doctor
Found out that she has Rheumatoid Arthritis
I don't know what that means,
But I know she will still be strong right?

0- She took me to a Dodger game for my birthday.
I remember Sammy Sosa hitting a home run that game
She told me that the only person that can **** your soul is yourself

The sun its farewell to the skies
As it cranks out this unexplainable color
That Painters can’t make on their color pallets

The Wind creates this unexplainable noise
The wind gives you reasons to keep dreaming towards the sky
It is something that city slickers can't hear in the rowdy subways

At this time the sun bids me farewell
But don't worry, It will return
When it pokes its head out
On the east

I think you are so pretty
No I'm not saying that to get your number
And to slither down your pants
So I could feel loved for a night

I just want to let you know
That Photoshop the is poison to the image called your heart
Super models in magazines have it all wrong,
No matter how much you touch it up
I can still see that girl at the senior prom
Waiting on the door step
Waiting for the object called man
Because all of the movies teach you that you can live without one

I know you are an angel,
Drifting through life
Like dandelions drifting through the Colorado air.
Somehow without anyone constantly reminding you
That your parents telling you that you are a princess
Isn't just an empty complement
It is their hearts having a waltz with yours
Trying to forget the rusty anchors that are holding the real you in check.
You keep forgetting to let it go.

Let it go
Let it go like the cigarette burns
That swell your personality into madness
It drives you to the point
Where you see what the bullies at school call you

Ugly
Ugly is written in five languages is still called ugly
But you can't see that ugly is just a word.

I'm not saying that you should be women that don't need no men
Because no one likes those people
I'm saying that I'll be waiting for you,
When you want someone to hold your hand
While you watch romantic comedy
Or when you want someone to just hold you
I will be that prince charming that comes to the rescue
Even if you are that girl that is sitting on that porch.

Sigh
I tap my pen on the desk like my teacher extracting my freedoms
and plastering it on the whiteboard.
He preaches and preaches about how he lost a game of golf last week
I need to take a dosage of education,
But whenever I take it I forget to check the side affects.

SIDE AFFECTS MAY INCLUDE;
-Boredom
-Faeries pulling down on your eye lids making you fall into the pit of sleep.
-Drifting in a car called imagination across this classroom.
-Hands are under mind control as you draw twisters in your notebook .
-NOTE: when you flip back to your notes when you are studying for a test,
they will be useless

Useless like "excuse me sir but is your love for the Broncos going to be on the test?"
I feel like this teacher is testing me not on the subject,
but how long it takes until one of the students in this class to go postal.

Too soon?
Sorry I should ship off my mouth to my mother
cuz mommas got the magic of Clorox Bleach
momma oh momma, use your powers to clean out my filthy mouth

yet he is still talking,
why is he still talking?
I'm still writing this poem,
Should I be writing notes on his college days
Or should I wait until his head lands on this landing strip
So he get his head can leave the clouds

What do you mean when you say you want another chance?
another chance, to hold me by your puppet strings,
to yank my heart and put it on another roller coaster
and make it go through these turns all over again.

you know what
I'm done

I'm done with you taking me for granted
I'm done with with this roller coaster going around and around  
like how you go around in my mind
while you sit there and watch me in pain
I'm done with your game of
these ******* strings pulling me around called love
I'm done with your lies

you don't love me
you just love the idea of me
you love that man that cares about you
you love that man to chase you around and around
a man to sit on that roller coaster that you oh so love
You love a man who you can wake up to every morning

but you don’t love me back
you don't want to go through that roller coaster
round and around like our augments we have on a daily bases
Oh wait, now I'm special to you?
All I felt was this : helplessness
helpless like those sleepless nights that you made me go through
making me hear the ticks from the clock by my bed side
I was sentenced to stare at my ceiling.
because I couldn't stare your eyes that are oh so capable of holding lies
but now I'm done
I'm breaking out of these chains and my sentence is served.

I hate to break it to you but i miss you a lot
Missing like my ability to get over you
because people always say that there are many fish in the sea,
but you see you are the only fish i will ever need,
I swim for you like Nemo across the world.

Although my feet may be tired and my legs sore
you keep running in that treadmill that trumps my mind
so i know that I'm going to keep on swimming just like Dorothy  
because i miss your face like hell
I miss your laugh and smile
I miss our long nights of talking because it was pure emotion.
it wasn't squeezed out like the mustard packets we call our friends.

it was realer than Real World
it was so real that it felt like i was shot out of this world with a rocket on my back
your words are rare but they aren't rusty like everyone else
like that Anvil that is making me sink to the bottom of this ocean.
I want to be like Dante and dive through hell even if my feet blister and bleed.
because you give me a reason to keep on being me
i know that no matter what i do you will always wont let me forget my roots
you're like the grass that hugs my tree because without you I feel incomplete

I miss you like a lot
Can you please come back
so I can kick up my blistered feet with you

I called in sick today from work.
My boss thinks that I am faking sick,
That I'm off hanging out with my friends and creating memories.

Well you can say he is right,
No scratch that, he is wrong, kind of
You see I'm not sick I'm just a little unwell
I started noticing the symptoms when the morning blues started to wrap me around
In this blanket called heartbreak
I didn't like it, so I tried to grab a cup of coffee.
But no matter how many times I would try to escape, she would tell me to come back to bed.
I would I turned around to see her but there was no one there.
Heartbreak is playing tricks with me as all I see on these sheets are my past with her

It was getting worse
I grabbed my car and rushed to the hospital
The doctor grins at the x rays while decoding them in the light
My fingers gallop on my knees as I say "what is it doctor am I dying of a broken heart?"
He turns and says " no your heart is just too big"
"Sorry sir I don't understand" i scratch my head because my mind wasn't clear
You see it was foggy from all of my thoughts steaming in my head
I couldn't see because she was the only reason to release the steam
My doctor tells me that he knows what I need but he tells me that I need to find it.
So he can't aid my broken heart

The Doctor exiled me to my car.
But did I forget my keys?
I pull a TSA and strip search my pockets the pennies, nickels, and dimes escape
And hide under the Car for refuge

Then something happened.
You showed up.
You were so pretty
Scratch that, you are so ******* beautiful
You told me that I dropped a quarter
I reply by saying thanks for dropping into my life.
we left the car and walked in the cold winter night we talked and talked
although my feet were freezing, I still felt warm with you.
one time I was cuddling with you and noticed a scar down your chest
I asked what is this?
you told me that your heart is weak and is broken
from the people who left their egos in their high school gym lockers.
I kissed you and told you let me help with that.
I can give you some my heart
Because sharing is caring and I care so ******* much that if anything ever happened to you id Be like women’s pockets, pointless
we laughed as we stared at the popcorn sprinkled on the ceiling.

I got rid of those sheets the other day
I don't see the blues anymore
I see you
I probably need to go back to work
But sometimes I will occasionally call in sick so I can create memories with you