...I just need to vent cause I feel like all these events are relentless...never ending in my eyes so I try to disguise my pain
Being black is exhausting but I realize that my eyes are still on the prize
Synthesized in my mind that I'm less than what I am
I push forward...maximum capacity I fathom thee opening of a plethora of new beginnings
I'm a phenomenal woman but I'm beat down...torn down...worn down
My place of homage is showing me it ain't safe to live here no more
Vacate the primacies
Shut down...lock down anyway possible
Shacked down even by our minds so far deep we don't know how to break free
So being black is so freaking exhausting
Gotta make sure everyone is comfortable around you cuz your tint is slightly darker
Don't **** nobody of cuz you may not come home
Driving while black you may not come home
Walking while black you may not come home
Eating out while black hey you just may not get good service
Social injustice flashes before our eyes everyday like a virtual reality...game but it's a shame that it's become our reality that we gotta play
It's not about panda or Timmy turner cause at the end of the day that ain't real
I see reels and reels of Trayvon Martin, Sandra Bland, Michael Brown, Eric Gardner, Tanisha Anderson, Tamir Rice, and the list goes on
But I WILL NOT WRITE MY SUICIDE NOTE!!
My people it's valid to be angry but fight with your mind
Keep your eyes on God
Even though sometimes you forget then you remember the harsh realities that consume your mind
Then you find your back in that hole that God seems to hold you up in
"Thank you Father for your saving grace that you never seem to misplace"
I can never culminate all my feelings into one shallow place
So I put my fist up till the victory is won
Even though the feeling still pierces my soul like shard glass
Being black is stressful!
Negating the fact that I'm just as good as you
Beating me down so low that I believe it to be true
So I live it
Push through it everyday
As I cry my tears I gain more strength
I'm the hulk
No time to sulk
**** them with your poise and knowledge
Don't let your anger make you be stupid
There's beauty in my brokenness
Let it bleed through these words as I emerge a serge of a glimpse of my pain
Let the towns of blackness rain through my veins as I bleed my pain on this page
I can't let my self stand and be enraged
Caged in a sound of my life's repeated tracks in my head
Yeah being black is a trying experience but I keep my soul lifted up!
So this isn't my suicide note but a warning to those who persecute me!!
YOU WILL NOT WIN!!
FISTS UP!!

Untold Vulnerabilities Pt. VII: The Completion but Not the End
“Cause all of me loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you”
Questions that ping around my head like a pin ball in pool hall full of the nasty smell of fugs and alcohol
I feel intoxicated…
Take back everything cause from day one I knew you were the one
But we all go through untold vulnerabilities
Hold back like a frustration building up to never be released
You though… you fill my cup with overflow
Even though it took us long to get here
Holding back the words I love you like they stole something
Even though they have in the past
I love you broke me and you time and time again
I love you made me and you resent companionship
I love you even punched me and you in the face till we were numb
Feeling like a *** on the street leading to unhappiness
So how could I… no how could we even fathom this love that has developed
We seem to know each other with even not knowing
Inner glowing that shines between us when we stare into each other’s eyes
See we were together but we were both too naïve to say it
Scars so deep they hold you back from what’s right in front of you
Man I would even ask myself…
“Hey Ladi J… would you rather have a man that loves you or commits to you…??”
I want all of you not just pieces
But hey you said it was an order to things
Provide…protect…profess…right?!
But till the day you asked me to be yours I continued to be skeptical
But those electrical feelings every time  I’m around you that send currents through my body that lead to every blissful kiss all seemed like a hit or miss cause I never truly knew how you felt
It was like waiting for daddy to hit me with that belt
I held my pain…owned my pain…
But all the while wondered could you even handle my pain
Whispers of love still seeped through
“Cause all of me loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you”
They say the number 7 is the number of completion
So I end my untold vulnerabilities here
I’ve said how I felt but I know US won’t end
Team awesome…
We work together to show each other the wonders of the world
Learning lessons from each other
Treading unknown territory
Tip toeing through a battlefield called love
So I think I’m ready to cash in…checkout…cause I don’t want anyone but you
I laugh more because of you
I smile more because of you
I stand firm because of you
I live and breathe more because of you
Metaphors, similes, and personifications can’t even express how I feel about you but ima try with every word I write
To form words as perfect as you seem impossible but untold vulnerabilities aren’t easy but it got us here
This is the completion but not the end of US
Untold vulnerabilities…that leads to pillow talk
Taking long walks like Jill Scott but we don’t have to puff on trees because we get high off each other
Bonding every moment spent with you
You are like the glue that holds my brokenness together
Mending every puzzle piece of hurt
Scrapping every speckle of dirt from past clutter
It all makes sense now
So this is the completion but not the end
Souls brought together for a purpose
Captured in moments of time just for me and you
This is the completion but not the end
I won’t waiver my favor for you
I won’t bend my passion for you
I won’t over compensate for overflow of past hurt
This is the completion but not the end…
This is the completion but not the end…
“My head’s under water but I’m breathing fine
You’re not crazy and I’m outta my mind
Cause all of me loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you”

"Throw ur ones up in the air
Throw ur ones up in the air for him
Throw ur ones up in the air
Throw ur ones up in the air for him
Throw ur ones up in the air
Throw ur ones up in the air for him
Throw ur ones up in the air
For the ones u put up will..."
Emancipate me
I usually throw my fist up but I throw up my one because "ur the one for me" it's conditional and its situational
Emergency...RED LIGHT
Call the authorities cuz it's fresh blood on the floor
Light crimson red oxygenated with the breath of love I feel from you every time your speak
It makes me weak to the point I fall to the floor of your arms open for me to come in but there was a slaying here
Like I said light crimson red and I'm O positive so I'm universal
Nope it wasn't a homicide...not a suicide but emergency shock trauma cuz I finally got what I want...what I was waiting for
Like a kid on Christmas Day my current need was satisfied
I'm a member of the I'm in love crew
But my arteries are getting slowly clogged from being scared
Finally it's out there
Some untold vulnerabilities have been out...out on the table
Joker...joker...king...queen...jack...10...9...8...7...6...­5...4...3...2...1...ace...club...*****...diamond...heart that goes out to you as I lay all my cards on the table
The enchanted love story seems to be blossoming but there are still some untold vulnerabilities cuz I jus don't understand ...
Dedication and devotion and allegiance and justice for me
Question mark so I jus bask in the ambiance of a new found love that is clearly sent from above
Haha corny right
So I jus
"Put my one up in the air
Put my one up in the air for him
Put my one up in the air
Put my one up in the air for him"

I'm into masochism
Yes masochism because I get enjoyment from my pain
My pain that bleeds with emense rage through my passion for you
Making me see through what I believe is real so I push through it
Remove it with what is seen as invisible walls constantly drawin me into you
Yup ladies and gents I'm into masochism
I'm willing to subject myself to this type of torture because I believe there is something on this horizon that will make me buy into what is in the crystal ball
Fortune telling
"Fortunate to have you boy I'm so glad your in my world...rest assure as the sky gets blue blessed the day..."
That I found you
You glowed as a bold man so I couldn't stand to not say anything
So I said LET FREEDOM RING
Marched right over with words so convincing
Martin said " I HAVE A DREAM!"
Dreams of you
But it's a constant battle tryna break through
So the untold vulnerabilities continue to be unsaid
Laying in a bed of unspoken words that I know are there cuz I see them in your eyes every time I look at you
So yes people of this blessed universe I announce I'm into masochism
I guess you can call me a *******
One that inflicts conscience pain that moves along my spine moving to my nervous system that moved throughout my body so I feel you all over
So it's not over...

"Your heart is a place that hides how you feel
But it can be hard to express how you feel
Your mind can erase what your heart feels
I jus want love from you
All I want is for somebody to walk up behind me
I want somebody to walk up behind me
And kiss me on my neck and breathe on my neck "
I want you to trust me w/ ur heart
Not only love me physically mentally and spiritually
Love me from behind so hard it's imprinted in the forefront of my mind
You say you got love for me but I wanna feel it...hear it...be it
Encompassed in a warp of me and you
Grant me the opportunity to pay off the debt I feel I owe you
See I mindlessly pay to stare at you
Even when I'm not around you I stare at the memories I have of you
No decoder to this mental vault
I know the code
Common realities of time spent w/ you
Moving towards life long memories
I want you to trust me w/ your heart
Hold it in my hands....gently caress it
No cutting it with an eyetooth
Standing in a booth pronouncing "Hey you...Im in love w/ you!"
Hopefully one day I'll be able to say it
But it gets caught in the back of my tongue as the words form cuz I don't wanna be rejected...
Reflected off a thought of the worst
Cuz I jus don't understand why you won't tell me how you feel
I mean s**t jus say it cuz these thoughts I have are beating so ******* my brain like a bass drum
Giving lyrics like...
"I want somebody to walk up behind me and kiss me in my neck and breath on my neck"
Giving lyrics as long as a ******' rap sheet
Oh and it's explicit up here so please don't let your children in
I just want to walk freely along a market and pick up your emotions
Read the nutritional content
I just want to go on a shopping spree with your being
Everything is up for grabs cuz you trust me
So jus endow my eardrums w/ what I know is there
Help me understand
Help my comprehension cuz I'm starting to get apprehensive
Sensitive about my ish...
All I want is for you to trust me w/ your heart
Don't be afraid to be loved cuz that's all I wanna do
You are my friend... my confidant
Closing the door to your past seems to be your problem when all I wanna do is close it and open up a new one
I know it's hard cuz it's hard for me too
But it's harder for me to continue like this
Hey I must be a *******....

"Blacks are so used to surviving we don't know how to live...
Blacks are so used to surviving we don't know how to live...
Blacks are so used to surviving we don't know how to live...
I said Blacks are so used to surviving we don't know how to live..."
We can't seem be be reincarnated into a better psychological realm where we understand freedom
Where we know who we are and we aren't afraid to be it
We are kings and queens
Rulers over lands but tha man took that away and recycled it as his own
Leaving us buried alone in confusion
Making many illusions of forgetting who we used to be
See it's no mystery we are all the same
But jus given different names
Beating to the same drum but departed by color of our skin
We just can't win
It's a sin and shame that we blame our state on them
We were freed but
"Blacks are so used to surviving we don't know how to live...
I said Blacks are so used to surviving we don't know how to live..."
My soul weeps immensely for my brothas and sistahs and my future brothas and sistahs
Cuz our journey is being lost in history's pages
And it amazes me how my 9 year old niece don't know about the struggle
Holding on to this as tight as a muzzle
No pieces to the puzzle put together
We endured nights and nights of stormy weather in these seas
So like frank ocean said lets pour out some champagne and lay this psychological bind to bed
It's insane how we claim to be free but we still seem to not learn the lesson of living
Being free of blaming everyone but ourselves
Free of the memories that haunt even our subconscious mind
Come on y'all
"Blacks are so used to surviving we don't know how to live...
I said we gotta learn not to survive but live"

I salute you...the righteous
Giving a straight face to the struggle you must have endured
Hand to forehead
Feet tight together
Eyes focused on yours
As I give you all the praise you need because you fulfill my needs
I paint on the walls of your want to be in solitude
Giving irritable moods to your feelings
I see your pain through the audition you performed through your eyes
Made me realize how much you fought go get here
See I feel your pain
Running for senator just for me cuz you are important in my eyes
You can run my state anytime
Making laws and regulations for me to be yours
Making me realize I can be loved
Touched with your fingers of passion
Giving me long lasting satisfaction
Building and building of pressure for a release of passion
I feed off you
Not as a parasite
This is a symbiotic relationship
We give to each other instead of take
All I wanna do is make you happy
Not leading you in paeanistic rituals but giving you the right cup of punch to drink
No poison
So I salute you righteous  
Giving you the straight face followed by my hand to my forehead
I want not only your body but I want your mind
I don't salute the superficial
I don't salute masks
I don't salute a false sense of self
But at the end of the day...with you I see past all that
Comfort zone
Twilight zone
Another universe when it's jus me and you
Our own rules
The po-po won't get us off this type of behavior cuz it's lawful
I continue to try to show you how I feel righteous but I don't think your ready
But as I move further through life it gets harder to hold all this in
Maybe one day you will feel the burden of my love
Matter fact I hope you feel it with every kiss
I stand here with almost perfect posture to view your perfection
Molded and shaped just for me
But righteous will you ever see how much power you posses over me
I try to restrain it
Contain it
Seal it away cuz righteous you aren't mine
So it makes me hold back
I remember all the facts
Can't slip up and call you what I want
So I call you righteous
Salute.....

"You've got a such magnetic power that jus keeps holdin me down"
"You've got a such magnetic power that jus keeps holdin me down"
"You've got a such magnetic power that jus keeps holdin me down"
I got in an altercation with a beautiful prince
Ever since I felt like he was missed
All of his chivalrous action gave me immense satisfaction
Grouped into intense emotional gratification
A fiend for simple life long commitment
Baby all I want is for us to sit down and eat
Have great conversation
Field-day or maybe a field trip
A quick quip coming back from a joke
Choked on my words
Cuz all I wanna tell you is I love you...
Yeah I say it when I'm not around you
Giggling with my girls about how you rock my world
Something about you draws me into you
Understanding things about you that are unexplainable
*** my mind constricting to a constructive perfect thought of you
As I move throughout each day all I wanna do is talk to you and be like "Hey how u doin..."
Yeah I seem like I'm on a mission for you to understand the weight of my love
Leading to many thoughts of the man above cuz he places ppl in our lives
Bees ******* on honey that they made in their beehive...this is a metaphor for your wanna be queen bee
Crown on my head as I lay in a bed filled with future thoughts with you
I could go all day with this poem tryna express how I feel on the inside
Tryna reiterate my emotional state
Eating off a plate made with love
Come on let's go above limits
Loving every minute
See untold vulnerabilities can bring us together
Surviving stormy weather
I can't say it enough
"You've got a such magnetic power that jus keeps holdin me down"
"You've got a such magnetic power that jus keeps holdin me down"
"You've got a such magnetic power that jus keeps holdin me down"

How do I tell someone something that I don't wanna say...
I mean I could but then I will put myself out there
Vulnerable
Open to be hurt
Uncertainties about what the other person may say or feel
Oh my goodness my heart is racing cuz even when I think about them I smile
It's like riding along the Nile w/ a nice cool breeze
Simple full and free
A wonderful cadence of your voice moves my eardrum
Seeing your face gives me unspeakable happiness
I mean some may think I'm a *******
Nah I may jus have a special place for this person in my heart
But all these untold vulnerabilities keep creeping up on me
I don't wanna be seen as a ******
But u tho
R a beautiful melody to a perfect song
And maybe I'm wrong
But all these untold vulnerabilities may creep out into the light
Maybe with a fight
Maybe with a struggle
Maybe even with a muzzle
But I will put the pieces to the puzzle together
And maybe it will all come out w/ me being w/ you
Foot in the right size shoe
Cuz they say if the shoe fits wear it
But I don't know if you think you can bear the strength of my love
So we both lay w/ some untold vulnerabilities

Escape to a place where the collection of my thoughts are placed
Gray matter leading to a ladder or not cuz I'm in a shell
Mysterious rebel against what I may think is right
Maybe I'll float in a vast ocean and be right
I can't seem to bond with the same *** so I jus lean towards what is best
Alas young mama cuz you were always looking for a sista not a brotha or Mista
See I always had male friends
Made me Tom boyish to make some amends
But recently I was hit my storm
Met a group of women who don't make me feel forlorn
Horns to what may seem devilish
Metalish...nah that's not them
I can't actually be myself around them
My girlfriends
No judgement
No jury
Jus bein me
Now I see I can actually have girlfriends after all these years
Ginuine friendship...kinship
Cat fights...nah
Cuz we too pretty and classy for that
NBU brought us together
How can such a horrible place lead to friendships amazing grace
Girlfriends...

Saving a life shaken by a radiant reality
Sweet forbidden fruit
Making silence feel mute
Shh I won't say a thing
Sugar and spice but I laughed cuz it ain't nice
Capitalize to bigger estate
Moving but its redundant weight
Maybe I'll jus wait till my $1 candy arrives
Hopefully I find some bodies alive...
To be continued...

Oakland...walkin with my Walkman
Collecting cans to get 10 cents so u can try to pay the man
Gang banging...ppl slanging that good stuff
Yup that's Oakland
Walkin to the corna store
Gimme more gimme more
Make sure I get the right kinda mint like the wood
Maybe I could try and get outta Oakland
Dreamin of a better life
Free from familiar strife
Shoot this is life
Sharp like a two edge sharp knife
I laugh cuz I kno I'm better than this
Oakland...walkin with my Walkman dreamin...schemin...believin

Yeah today has just been one of those days
One of those days you feel like just giving up
Pulling the sheets over your head
Lying in your own bed of misery
Maybe you will be able to see clearly
But you can't just seem to get past all the dreariness
Cuz at the end of the day it's nobody's business about what you and God talk about on this day
Yeah today has just been one of those days
Where only God seems like the one who can keep you sane
Constant battles with your mental membrane
I'm screaming on the inside
But on the outside I gotta abide by social rules
Like a mule being pulled by metal tools
Or maybe I'm just a fool
Or maybe it's just one of those days

Metaphysical
Mathematiciantional
Sensational
Unbelievable
Conceivable
Reasonable to be believable
Cuz I tried to get past it
I mean it boggled my mind to the point I tried to find some meaning in it
So I try to think positive thoughts
It's like moving through layers of forestry moss
I'm trying to bra boss of my own trade
Gettin what I got cuz I got it made
No more shade
Shining in the light
Constant battle not even a fight
300 men in a war
Tryna make the next score
Gimme gimme more
So I can soar to higher heights
Catch that next bite
Oh yeah it's outta sight
Metaphysical
Cataclysmical
Sociable
Moveable
It's all metaphysical

Doors opening
Doors closing
Doors opening
Doors closing
Better get there in time cuz you will miss your train
Confusing your brain
Making you insane
Time is the key to success
Making you blessed
Obsess tryna make it to my destination
Fabrication of reality
Doors opening
Doors closing
To my train that will take me where I wanna be
I sit as I ride
Tryna abide by the rules
Can't feel like I'm ridin on a mule
Put on the air
I wanna be able to enjoy my ride
Don't have people bothering me
This train has a collection of diversity
Controversy all the time
So I jus sit like a mime
Silent
As I listen to
Doors opening
Doors closing
Doors opening
Doors closing

See this is where I clear my mental
Cuz it's essential
Clean all the junk out of your knowledgeable box
Like fresh clean socks bleach with Clorox
I need to be clean
So I sit and look at Gods creation
As I fathom that it could save a nation
All hail thee Christ Jesus
Many people say they love him to pieces but never sit and marvel and His creation
Conquering king to civilization
Causing many allegations
No persuasion to the right side
So I'll abide in my many complex as I marvel at Gods creation
Tribe altercation to seek multiplication
So I try to change in the right clothes
Not naked to the fact He can still see me
Soul complete me
All I want is to bask in Gods creation

Man Gucci said ****** are only worried about dark tints
Dark kush
Dark drinks
Man I'm worried about skin color
Or at least I think other ppl are
Shoot when I walk into a room I sometimes get the ***** looks
Walk into an interview...shoot I get the oh she darker look
Even walking around downtown naptown I get the oh she darker frown
But you know I gotta remember that just 50 years ago we were seen as the low of the low
See our darker shows so we gotta watch out
Man Gucci said ****** are only worried about darker tints
Dark kush
Dark drinks
What would our ancestors think cuz that was their struggle of the day
Looking in the mirror saying hey I look darker
It seem to get farther and farther from our minds
So we need to remember we are darker

Daddy, take my hand so I can be safe from hurt, harm, or danger
Shield me from the world
Lock in with my hands
Never let go
But baby one day I will have to take a key and unlock our hands and I’ll have to let you go
Live in the world alone
See things for yourself
But daddy it’s a cold world full of things that may consume me for the worse
Change me, Rearrange me
Don’t say Bye-bye to your daughter
Keep this lock on our hands
We have a great connection
We’re inseparable, Daddy
I need you to stay locked to me
But baby one day I will have to take a key and unlock our hands
Stop Dad!...I know this
I just don’t want to let go of our father, daughter connection we have
I smile, you smile
I cry, you cry
Baby you don’t have to say bye-bye
I’ll still be here for you
So take this life key I give you and unlock our hands
Flourish in the world
Make me proud that I’m your Dad

I hide because sometimes my thoughts are too powerful

I cover up because maybe I’m just too outlandishly humble

I abide in quiet sanctity maybe cause I just don’t want to deal with the *******

I convene in my small space because I just want to be

I sing and dance in my happy place because that’s my way to be free

I don’t hide…cover…abide…convene…or sing and dance because I lack any social ability

But sometimes you just want to be…

Be with yourself and your own thoughts floating on a cloud of everflowing confidence leading to an over abundance of assurance and resolution

If I don’t love myself who else will

So if I come off that I’m not here

If I come off distant or complacent

Or if I even come off like a *****

It’s because I’m hiding…covering…abiding…convening…singing and dancing with myself

And that’s the person whom I love to be with

Sometimes I feel like I'm always giving
Ladi J I'm blue today
Ladi J my dog died
Ladi J lemme tell you what this bleep bleep bleep did
Oh the list goes on
Records playing and playing in my mind
Sometimes I jus want some peace
Where God and I can meet for some restorability
Man I'm not even totally In my field yet
I'm jus treading the massive waters
But it plagues my mind where will my hero be
Who will I be able to cry to
I know God's ear bleed sometimes
But everyone else mess continues to plague my mind
I will continue to use this art of poetry as my stress reliever
Making the audience a believer in my smilies and metaphors
But I still wonder who will be my hero??
Let the story continue...

Some dayz I just wanna be lazy
Sometimes a lil mazy going trough every lil twist and turn from start to finish
Maybe I'll get a prize for making it to end end
Maybe I'll win
Man some dayz I just wanna be lazy seeing things pretty hazy
It's crazy how I feel this way
Maybe I'll see the other side
Meeting to be alive
Honey comb on a bee hive
Feeling alive
Giving out good vibes
But nah some dayz I feel lazy
Giving it out real blazing
Saying I'm honored is amazing
So maybe I'll get a stand ovation
Comparing to a tribe nation
How I'm great like the queen of seba
Speaking like gooey amoebas
But nah some dayz I just feel lazy

Ladi J strong back 2 ballin
Out here grindin harder than a crack head tryna get that rock
Degree on my mind
Forward track to my masters to master this game of gettin into a human mind
Foreplay to the release of pleasurable success
I will not have a mess on my hands
Yeah I gotta plan
Ladi J virtuous back 2 ballin
Got it lost it got it now I'm back 2 ballin
Ha ha I'm not tryna be like wale
I'm jus tryna say that I have a one track mind
Not tryna gain riches but give people the riches of having their sanity
No fantasy
Tryna make it a reality
So lemme get back 2 ballin

Bop City
A place where we can go to be free
Jus like when the slaves were freed and changed their last name to Freeman you can be anyone
Free from the white mans values
***** hair cuz black is beautiful
If Straight hair isn't ur natural texture then maybe you have a self image problem cuz God made ur hair that way so why change it
Weaves best believe are shackles to the way u think u should view yourself
Big lips cuz they are better and cool down your food
Oh and don't forget better to kiss with
Realize y'all that bop city is not a myth
It can be a real place where we don't have to live up to these European standards
Just because we were born here doesn't nullify the fact that we were stolen to get here
We gotta stop being so chained by what others want us to be
Man we all kno Jesus was of some type of color
We all kno that we all came from the same place
We all kno that we are moving towards all looking the same
Or do you?
So why do we continue to be maimed  and not understand that we are jus as good as everyone else
We got so caught up in freedom that we forgot about bop city
Giving the cold shoulder making it really chilly
So please my people come back to bop city
It's happening over here
Dancing all night
Libations leading to many sensations
Cultivation of one nation under God...color invisible and justice for all  
Bop city

I am angry
Anger is the root of not getting what you want and I really want my people to progress but there just seems to be so much distress that is plaguing my people
I am angry
Angry because education isn't valued
I mean we used to fight to try to read and write but now I see kids that can't even read or just don't want to
My great grandfather traveled four states with a family to find a decent education when we were even allowed to be educated
Where has that audacity gone
My grandfather was a principle
My daddy went to a segregated school and has his phd cuz he values education
I am angry
Angry when I see my beautiful black sistahs not valuing themselves because they think they aren't valuable cuz there daddy isn't there
But that's called an excuse to live a life that is bound by low self-esteem
I am angry
Angry when I see my brothas on these corners knowing they are smart enough to do something better
Mystical weather conjuring to be a constipation storm cuz everything is backed up
We can push through for a release
So I am angry
Angry that my people aren't seeing that something jus ain't right
We aren't owed anything
We do have something to bring to the table
But we are so angry about all the oppression
And once we got free we took to for granted
So I am angry...what are u?!

Man pineapples are so good
It's my favorite fruit
It's amplifies my taste buds making an enjoyable reaction
No room for sadness
Cuz pineapples bring me gladness
Justice to my nutrition
I'm a living organism and I need my power
Making me preach wholeness with boldness
I'm black and that's what my people do
So I'll continue to eat the sweet yellow fruit that purifies my soul

How can you reach the unreachable
So high that you are beyond the sky
Subconscious moving to your conscience
Making reality real
Sometimes it's a steal from your memorization
Libations to your membrane
Feeding it to exhaustion
Maybe you will get lost in plant 54
Making you want more till you've reached your limit
Maybe jus one more minute till you get there
Feeling experiences that seem to be so rare
Cases if boxes packing and packing away your cares while you climb to plant 54
Store open for business
Satire feeling
Metaphorical misleadings
Stairs leading all the way to the top of plant 54
Shouting from the top or actually the peak of mount leaf
Feeling like the chief of a tribe
Strive no starving for better
Maybe I can get a letter from my favorite person all the way on planet 54

I'd like to think of rainy days as a way to wash away everything
The reason you got mad at that person this week
That situation that jus won't leave your mind
Let the rain wash away everything
Hit the water and make it's way down memory lane
Back in the recesses of your mind where your subconscious lies
Clean slate...
I'd like to think of rainy days as a way to relax
Jus kick back and enjoy
Don't let all the water bring down your mood
Let it sooth your mental
Cuz really it's all conditional
Don't let Gods creation keep you down cuz everything He does has a purpose

My parents have been married for 32 years
Man that's longer than fermented beers
A love that flourished from just one hello
A model marriage that I want to one day show
People these days have lost this art of love
They wanna put themselves above everyone else
Not knowing how to compromise
See my parents taught me how to have a partnership
I'm not the type of woman to put a man down but uplift him cuz that's what my mom showed me
And I want a man who will appreciate and cherish me cuz that's want my daddy does for my mom
So we need to get back to where love is central
32 years...grandparents married for 70 so I have no choice but to make it work
32 years till forever


Love ya mom and dad!! Happy Anniversary!!

Fear rising because I'm about to share my inner most thoughts
Sweating because I've never done this before
It's about to be my own personal score and the symphony of my vocals hit the stage
Reading off the page
I think my first poem I performed was "God"
Yeah that was it
You know at the time I didn't really have a name for myself
A in the closet artist tryna barter for some release
As I stand backstage amazed at the support I'm getting I think man this is amazing
Finally sharing my words
But the host asked me what's your stage name
I look at him like ***** I'm Jasmyn...the name my mama gave me
But then I think oh snap I don't have a stage name
A name for people to remember me by
So my thoughts fly with nothing
As my heart races as the host of the show says my name
He screams here comes Ladi J and I was like oh snap there it is
Ladi J was born
And just like my real name is spelled different
J-A-S-M-Y-N I had to make my stage name the same so remember Ladi J was born as...
L-A-D-I-J

As I ride along on a beautiful day
Windows down
Eyes on the road
Concentrated on where I am going
The situations of the day blow away
They even go out the sunroof
Even moving to God's ear
And somehow my cares aren't there anymore
So I love to ride along
Windows down
Feeling like I have a crown on my head
Sending all bad thoughts to bed
That sun is beaming down making my forehead red cuz u kno I'm light skinned
All my hurts of the day are mended when I ride with the windows down

Determination is part motivation and part support
Motivation to do tasks yourself
Motivation from your family
But what do those people do when they don't have
You know the motivation the black panthers had to fight the power
The motivation that Martin had to to have a dream
The motivation that rosa had not to move
The motivation that Harriet had to move slaves to freedom
The motivation that slaves had to work all day picking cotton but still sang those ***** spirituals to get them through the day
Motivation leading to determination that a race won't be held down by anyone
But I wonder where that is today...

The man that lives under me
He's like the singing boogie man
It's like clock work at 7 am I hear him kick up his vocal cords
Words that don't cut like a two edge sword cuz the Word is the ultimate truth
Sometimes I feel like I'm in the sound booth w/ him
Hearing every note and rift
I mean he did warn me he was a singer
But I wasn't ready for this ringer at 7am
Sometimes it feels like an army of a thousand men under my bed
Sound waves moving towards my head bringing me out of my precious slumber
Blunder
Shaking
Oh why must this man wake me at 7am
I didn't ask for this
I'm not a morning person
But forreal I can't even be mad cuz he sounds like Frank Sinatra  
"I'll Never Smile Again" on a good day maybe
Maybe I'll say something
Maybe I won't
But I don't know if I can continue to be woken up at 7am

As I redirect myself to a ebon place
A place where I can balance myself
Cuddle in the arms of silence so I can hear what needs to be said to bring me back to my normal equilibrium
Muddle each thought as they pass through my brain
Put them in a zip drive folder
Nice and neat
No slumps or goosebumps
Smooth surface
Cuz we all one day need to find a purpose
No more flapping in the wind
A contributor to society
Making people feel some variety about you
Jus like a variety pack of chocolate
You amaze them every time they pull something out of the bag
Cuz maybe you will drag some confidence within you
So sometimes you gotta redirect yourself to a ebon place
A place where you can balance yourself
Bring your emotion back to equality
Quality in your actions
We all lose our balance sometimes
You it's okay
Even the best of them went astray
I'll continue to go to my ebon place
Even tho it's dark here cuz that means there is room for some light to come in

I lay here open
Open to possibilities and opportunities that present themselves for me with you
But i Can't seem to break through this wall I have put up
A wall made jus for me to protect and keep me from harmful situations
Many contemplations about how am I gonna get through this again
So I kept building and building on my personal wall
Yeah see I built this wall with pain over and over and over  
A lil dab of betrayal
A pinch of some scorn
Oh and shovel full of layers of scar tissue covered with stitches for recovery
Yeah I built this wall meticulously
I would sometimes feel like I'm a guest
Sometimes like an outsider in my own skin
Moving along like a night rider
Nobody seeing me or believing me
So I carry some heavy footgear
Holding them in my rear stow away I use it to move along through life without any scars, or that's what I try to do
This footgear feels great because I can stomp, jump, and even do cartwheels over all my enemies
Ancient conviction
Shindy misleadings all leading up to my success
Leaving me blessed
Riding along this pack train saying hello mufasa and simba
Oh and rifiki is there
What's up....
See I admire their strength and agility
I even know who continues to keep me
A higher power and His name is Jesus
Love Him to pieces
But someone came outta nowhere
Out From left field Try to catch the Foul ball
Jumping over bases and even some left field men
Trying to Break through my wall
Shining some light on my night rider journey
Complicated feelings taking many meanings
My head is spinning
Fear rising...leaving me paralyzed even though I still feel your touch when I'm away from you
I'm scared...even some what terrified that I lie here and all I can think of is you
Wondering if my brain waves can send out a signal over to you so that you know how I feel
See night riders they don't open up
Staying closed
Sign on the door...
No more customers...the day is over
See We ride in the dark
Trying to keep feelings secret
A loner when it comes to sharing emotions
Commotion on the inside but calm on the outside
But maybe you can be my knight in shinning amour breaking down my walls
Chipping and chipping away through all the dust and the rumble
I may even stumble over you but at least I'll be in your arms
Feeling safe through your touch that even peels away some of the hurt
So right now I may be a night rider but I'm moving towards the horizon that is the beginning of some light

If I stand before you and tell you how I truly feel would you feel, act, and do the same things you do

Would you love me the same way you do?

Hold me the same way you do?

Touch me the same way you do?

All I’m doin is bein honest

Hey you want an honest chick but I don’t wanna be a total *****

But I stand before you…here to proclaim the truth…

You don’t do what you say I should do

Isn’t this a two-way street?

We stand here together

Two intertwined beings

Wanting to be with each other

My fellow brother

But you seem to be a hypocrite…not sticking to your script

Yea you talk a lot of spit but do you have some substance behind it

Baby don’t get it twisted I’m just a witness to your non- intentional hurting games

I still love you and there is no earthy man that I want to put above you but can you come down to where I stand

A one on one land where I see us on one page…one stage

Performing the same script

No lines missed so I can kiss…

These non-spoken hurts that I don’t want to be carried out on a hearse with no hello or good bye but resurrected through our lips so that you can understand the sway of my hips and where I’m coming from

A place where I want no lies

Where you and I have an understanding to where our two crazy worlds meet and there are combining streets…people wave and say hello…no cold shoulder…no putting up boulders

So I’m trying to say I am here for you and you are here for me

No unspoken words

Don’t keep telling me your hurting and you have a lot on your mind but never say anything

Tell me all of your hurts and desires

I don’t care how it’s put

Slam it on the tables

No myths or fables

All non-fiction

This addiction I have for you cannot be based on unspoken words

I won’t have that

I just want the key to your heart and this true love thing can truly start

So open up your heart baby there are too many unspoken words here

That is not what I want my dear

This needs to be a land where we spill out everything

My junk spilled into yours

Bleeding out of the pores of our hurts, wants and desires

So let this fire of words be spurred

All I want is theses unspoken words to be heard