Were you always a killer,
commendable, expendable
secret agent girl?
Were you always a dancer, entrancer,
Irene Adler, romancer,
secret agent girl?
Were you smart or kind of heart,
lover of art, playing your part.
secret agent girl?
Were you feared or revered,
a pioneer of weird,
secret agent girl?
Were you a dream, beauty supreme,
eyes all agleam, more than you seemed,
secret agent girl?
Who lost you, tossed you
and at what cost due,
secret agent girl?

When did they rob you of your glory,
rewrite author, title, story,
secret agent girl?
Where did they take you, break you,
make you into something new,
secret agent girl?
Are you Cold War fossil lost in time,
too young to be old, past no prime,
secret agent girl?
Beneath the earth, above the sky,
not allowed to cry, to die, are you,
secret agent girl?
Who were you before your halo cracked,
before the fact, your devil's pact,
secret agent girl?
I'll kiss you, miss you,
this bliss is amiss,
secret agent girl.
It's time to go, leave me alone,
you broken hero,
secret agent girl.

If I could be honest
about you I'd say
"Go **** yourself, you *****."

Am I a ***** for being persistent?
For studying antibiotics that are becoming resistant?
Observing chemicals that dissolve in an instant?
I just want to help.

Is it stupid to keep trying?
After each test, sniffling, crying?
Just seeing my grades and hoping they're lying...
I just want to help.

Am I obsessed with making things harder?
Is it my fate to fail? In the future, can I barter
for a better life than being a martyr?
*I just want to help.

We are like the forest.

We need a lot of small disasters so that we don't burn to the ground.

We are like tectonic plates.

We need a lot of small adjustments to prevent a huge upheaval.

We are like one another.

Someone to come along and make me feel
special again at least until they make me feel
terrible again until I start to feel
helpless and out of control and stupid and
different from how I know I am
and everything that I used to be made of

How many tears does is take to make a river?

It takes a lifetime of depression and desperation for someone to give a ****.
It takes a broken home and broken hearts and broken spirits.
It takes a teenager years to get over their parents divorce.
A manmade canyon in the ground of the tears of broken kids and
Despair.

How much blood does it take to start a forest fire?

It takes blades upon blades being dragged against pale skin.
It takes the bandaids used to patch the severed hearts from bleeding.
It takes the whites of eyes turning to red from the cries of help but all you get is ignored.
It takes pain.
Irritation.
Anger.

How much skin does it take to cover a desert?
It takes the skins of buried kids who have laid to rest under 6 feet of soil.
It takes the skins you were born with and cut off because you don’t like the way it looks.
Cell on cell of skin. Every grain of sand in the desert is different like the swirls on our fingertips.

How much breath does it take to start a breeze?
You huff, and puff, and blow this place down but the only thing thats crumbling is your hopes and dreams.

Mother nature doesn’t comfort us at all.
She created the elements of life and death and sadness.
Just in disguise from our own minds.
A trick.
We fell for it.