It's cold, and I wish
my gloves were her hands.
Her love is the best
love in the land.

"I'm a better man now
I've changed for the better"
he says
But, the paths we take
to becoming better people
are littered with broken promises
wasted opportunities
slighted hearts
forgotten dreams
disregarded feelings and needs
and tears spilled out of pain
that we've either felt or caused
We act as if they're cigarette butts
or food wrappers
or newspapers
we've dropped along the way
never forgotten,
but thought little of
I often wonder
how much trash a man can leave
on the side of the road behind him
before he's no longer entitled
to receive approval of his clean conscience
from those who know him
in the place where he is
and from those who will know him
in the places he's going to

(Don't worry,
you've almost got this
all figured out.)

God, please give me
enough time.

I open my eyes upon waking
and feel the morning sunlight greet them
with the promise of countless possibilities.
I pause in the mirror
as I clean the sleep from my teeth
and study the fine lines the years are slowly giving me.
I sip hot coffee
and feel winter's cold air on my face
as I let the dog out into the fresh, white snow.
I put on flannel and denim,
and my right hand anticipates the feeling
of my hammer's leather handle in its palm.
I walk out the door,
and give thanks for the opportunity
to experience my piece of this world once more.

I see a path
of golden light in front of me;
gonna follow it
to where and who I'll be.
Deep inside of me
lies everything I'll need.

You say you love Christ
you look the part
but if I were Him babe
I'd rather fill the grave
than your heart

After everything
I've overcome
you're the only war
I haven't won
It'll be death
before I'm done

Wishing I could
set off in flight
into the sky.
Become a streak of light,
travel so far,
and marry the stars.
Leave all the troubles I find
on this earth behind.

I want to make love to life with you
just as we have made love to each other.
I want to travel across the open plains to be by your side,
just as my fingers have journeyed softly across your flat belly.
Let us run to one another,
and then to the snow-topped mountains.
We will climb up to the peaks of them
and look out towards the sea,
just as we have looked into each others' eyes,
and understood each others' souls there,
and seen the oceans there of all that could be.
Just as we did with each other,
when we once were unfamiliar,
we can explore foreign lands
of strange faces, languages, and ways;
fall deeply in love with them;
grow to be intimate with them;
and then feel a sweet sadness whenever we part from them.
And, like the phases our love goes through,
we will experience seasons of both warmth and coldness
as we adventure through places of both joy and despair.
Can we bathe together, naked, in salty water, and fresh?
Shower, embracing, under soft waterfalls in humid climes?
Feel a last gasp of coarse wind between our fingers
as we walk down wintry city streets and they come close to intertwine?
Breathe autumnal forest air through our noses as we kiss
and a campfire graces us with its perfume?
Leave imprints in the soft grass
as we lie upon our backs in it at night,
looking at the bright stars with equally bright eyes
and feel them in our spirits,
as we do each other,
and then fall asleep there
until the blush of sunrise awakens us?
Can we?
My dear, my arms may be empty
since you have departed from here,
but my heart is full.
Full to bursting wide open
with appreciation of the possibilities
and a hope that beautiful dreams like this
shall one day come to pass for us,
and then we will make love to the world, together,
as we have made love to each other.

Life is like
a book that I'm writing,
and I want it to be the most beautiful story
when I'm finished.

What do I want to happen next?

Don't worry, I'll be fine.
I can bury this and move on
just like I do with everything else.
I'll just have to dig
a bigger hole this time.

My sweet love,
my desert flower,
do you think of me when you kiss him?
Do his lips fit yours like mine?
Like pieces of a puzzle
God made to be side by side?

Does he hold you, touch you, and comfort you
the way you know I could?
Or has he grown distant like a man
who takes you for granted would?

Do you feel like he sets you free
to grow in life and be you?
Or do you feel like he thinks that you should just stay
the way he wants you to?

Do you think he'd fight 'til the day he dies
to give you everything on earth?
Or will he settle for a jewel on your hand,
then expect your heart to never thirst?

Would he want to experience your love
in beautiful, distant lands?
Or would he be content with a small life here
and trap you in it 'til the end?

Do you see blue
when you look into his eyes of brown?
Does his love lift you up to the sky
and make you feel alive?
Or send you, searching, into the arms of others
here on the ground?

Does he fear you leaving?
or does he think you'll stay
just because you owe him
for making a mistake?

Does he feel for you and dream of you so deeply
that he writes of you like this?
Or is his spirit dead? Is he passionless?
Is that what's amiss?

My dear,
my darling dancer,
if any battles of thought
with my questions I have won,
then, my desert flower,
you know what should be done.

I hate this.
I hate the taste it leaves in my mouth.
I hate the way it makes me feel.

But, I love you.
I love the taste you leave in my mouth.
I love the way you make me feel.

I will wait.
You know I will.

Newlyweds honeymooning
on dreamy secluded islands
in lush tropical climes
a manifestation
of an unconscious desire
to return to their pre-fall Edenic state
to be Adam and Eve
joyfully frolicking ****
in a warm, wet,
earthy, green paradise
for all time

Another autumn's
here to bear
reminding me
of the impermanence
of things

Dying flowers
dying leaves
dying you
dying me
dying all
that'll ever be

I fell into
the incomprehensible depths
of your eyes.
Near-black lakes
I willingly drown in.
Fathoms I can't fathom.
The light from the surface
fades away.
I think here
I'll stay.

What I see in the way
the colors of the dawn
are reflected by the dew
I saw fleetingly
in her eyes once too

Love,
I am in pursuit of you, and
when I finally have you,
our hearts will stay
forever gold
through winters cold
and ages old.
Our hands and lips
will be bound together
by the promise of
tomorrows forever,
and may God, the Most High,
let them stray never.

Your scent in my bed
your voice in my head
your touch on my skin
the taste of your sin
all haunting me
until I see you again

I still remember all the days
we spent together,
soaked in sunshine haze.
Amongst carefully hidden secrets,
we made promises of rings.
But, promises, like hearts,
are easily broken things.

No matter how far
or long we're apart,
I'll always bear the stain
of you on my heart.

I'd rather live with the pain
of loving you in vain,
than have you and not feel a thing.

Every time I think of you,
everything feels blue.

I could not make love to a woman,
no matter how pleasing to my easy eyes,
who possesses a scowling soul of no depth,
a sour heart containing no eagerness to love this world,
or a dark mind shut to wonder, light, and beauty.

Love, I see the infinite universe
in all that you are:
trillions of planets
that circle the billions of stars
among icy, white comets,
and dark, grey moons;
Nebulae, supernovae
and all their gorgeous hues;
the greens, the pinks,
the violet, orange, and blue,
in the multitude of galaxies
through outer space strewn.
Your immense gravity
draws me to you.
Darling, some might say
God's greatest work of art
is this awesome place,
but it's you and your heart.
With divine purpose,
He exploded countless stars,
eons ago,
which formed the earth where we are,
then molded you one day,
His most magnificent sculpture,
from its willing clay.
His most impressive painting:
the landscapes of your body
and soft colors brushed upon.
His most majestic song:
your enchanting voice and laugh
for which my damaged ears long.
You're the most intricate symphony;
the grandest, most striking tune
played upon the infinitesimal strings
He used to create you.

Love, just like the infinite universe,
no words can adequately describe
your vast beauty, it can only be understood
in the soul and not the mind.

Naïve
you welcome death
into your home
Reckless obeisance
to the better angels of your nature
will get the better of you

Thought I'd crawl into bed
with my bottle of whiskey,
but it just doesn't keep me
as warm as you did.

I'm lost where no one goes;
a place that no one knows;
the black hole of my mind,
and you will never find
me.

You taught me
the most effective disguise
for a treacherous beast
is beauty

Men like me
don't get the girl
We're too real
too honest
free
wild
untamable
Beautiful women do grace my hands
from time to time
but they don't stay
Not the way hammers
or axes
or rifles do
Those are always true
And you know if you miss your mark
or don't split the wood right
or bend a nail
it's no one's fault but your own
You correct what you did wrong
and move on
They forgive
No biggie
But with women you're always guessing
Was it me or her this time
And if it was you
you can't just fix it and go on with your life
No
They hold that **** against you
You have to eviscerate yourself
with the sword of apology
not once but many times
Put your guts on display
hold them above your head
yell to the heavens
throw them on the ground
jump up and down on them
and swear over and over
that you'll never be wrong again
Promise you'll be perfect from then on out
even though you know it's a lie
See, that's another thing about women
they say the only things they want in a man
are honesty
respect
and loyalty but
I know that's not true
Women don't want real honesty
Honesty is cold and unbiased
like a gun
and if it's pointed at them
they don't much like it
They just want you to tell them
what they wanna hear
to lie and make them believe it's the truth
They don't want real respect
They just want you to capitulate
To kiss their ***
and catch their ****
preferably both at once,
and even if they don't deserve it
And when women say they want loyalty
they don't just mean that
they don't want you ******* other chicks
they also mean they want you to be loyal
to the fake man they turn you into
and forget about being loyal
to who you really are
They want you to cut your ***** off
and hand them over
And that I can't do
If women wanted men
who were truly true loyal and respectful
I'd have married years ago
instead of leaving women
who lie about ******* other men
instead of leaving women
who choose to abort my child
instead of leaving women
who are fickle beasts
doting on me at first
then gnashing their teeth
once a little bit of time sets in
once I don't pretend to be
what I'm not just for them
once I show I'm not gonna be a slave
to that black hole between their legs
I have no problem
finding other eyes to gaze into
other smiles to admire
other hair to play with
other hands to hold
other warmth to sink into
even if only temporarily.
I feel no need
to let a woman exercise
some need to control me.
I've never had a problem
with walking away
I just keep on as a sunny day
that they can't wish into a stormy one
That's why men like me
don't get the girl
We're *******
because we're honest
We don't lie, not even to please
We'll always be the same
We love to live and be free
to go get our hands ***** out in the world
We can't give a woman
all of our time and identity
Those are two things we need to keep for ourselves
in addition to their love
We won't be whipped
so they go looking for boys who can be
And we just continue doing what we do
until we find those rare women
who can be free and real with us
who know that we're like hammers
axes
and rifles
and know that if they're true with us
we'll always be true for them

Give me wings, I'll fly away
into a blood red setting sun
and wake up in a better place
beyond the horizon.
Away from all the fear and doubt
and all the things I've said and done;
far from sadness, hurt, and wars
with demons that I haven't won;
I'll find a peace I've never known,
something from which I'll never run.
Just give me wings, I'll fly into
that blood red setting sun.

There's this woman
She has these large loopy curls
in her long chestnut hair
Big, brown eyes
The most perfect smile
She makes me laugh
I like her
And I've noticed that it seems to snow or rain
almost every time I see her
I'm not supposed to be talking to her
according to some kind of code about ex-lovers
that I've been told exists
between men who've drank together
But every now and then I go to her house at night
and we **** as hard and as wet
as the concrete I travel across to get there
I put my soft lips on hers
and my calloused palms on her *******
and my fingers in the dark between her legs
Midnight flower
She puts her pretty lips on my neck
and trails off to other regions.
I let her
smiling
laughing in my mind
I'd say I'm sorry you blew it pal
but I don't wanna lie

Always thought
it had set long ago,
but the blushing horizon
shows the sun's just now rising
for me.

I'm not the one for you
and you're not the one for me
or anyone else
The soul mate is a myth
poisoning the minds
of good men who are too easily led astray
by romantic notions
too easily convinced to abandon
grand aspirations
Not me
I won't end up broke
homeless
cuckolded
at the hands of some petulant woman
who couldn't have enough
Not me
I've come too far
climbing out of this hole
to fall deeper yet
into yours
I'll enjoy your affections
while they last
but I'm not the one
Not me

I wish there were something
won't be back past tonight
others don't smile like you
made me look twice
I'd give you the world
instead of a silent goodbye
but this won't last anyway
love is a lie

I'm a patient devil
it's been years
since my malignant gaze
first fell upon you
years
that were spent honing my edge
breathing smoke
drinking fire
waiting for time to cross our paths
more meaningfully
wading through waves
of temporary lovers
until now
I've reached the shore
on the other side
finally
I've reached
you
sharp
with intentions
both pure and impure
I won't let you slip from my grasp
easily
I've waited too long
I require recompense of some sort
for biding my time
so well
if this won't last
I want to be sure
I want to leave it beaten
and bloodied
on the ground behind us
if our roads diverge again
so let's sink our teeth in
our nails
let's be sure

My heart is my inkwell.
My pen spreads blood across ivory pages.
It leaves the deepest stain,
so the words will last for ages.

Think of all
that must yet be done
to destroy the Beast
The thousand points of light
that must yet be extinguished
Time is not on our side

I remember
having you here
admiring the hourglass of your body
as you showered
your porcelain skin
stark against the black marble
glittering water
running through your dark hair
like my fingers
over your shoulders
down your spine
between your buttocks
to the soft place underneath
where I'd just been

I remember

You keep telling me,
"You never know what the future holds."
All I know is,
in the future,
you're the one I want to be holding.

There's nothing left for me
in this town.
Nothing to left to do
but drown
in hopelessness
and thoughts of you.

I know what I have to do.

Making a bed
of hopes and horizons
A place to lay down my head
when my sun stops arising

I stir cream and sugar
into black coffee
just like the warm coffee
stirs my soul.

A good bottle
of red wine
gets me
every time

I stare out the front window
The sun sinks in orange at the end of West Perry
I can feel the nervous hum of your existence
across the few miles of highway between us
I feel you wondering
feel you planning yet another too busy week as you eat dinner
feel you planning to take a long run around town later tonight
You need to improve your pace
and clear your mind
You're unsure of me
and the dark place behind my eyes
that deep blue-gray sea
but you're curious
you want to hold me in your hands
and figure it all out
You want my thoughts
You want my very essence
to shape it like clay
then toss it aside
and move on to the next one
you have in mind
but you'll never catch it
No matter how fast your feet
and those lovely thighs
carry you towards it
runner girl
you'll never catch it

I get so tired
of being alone
I know that's something
I should never admit to you
so I never will
directly

Show me your smile
and I'll show you something to die for

I can feel you;
I can feel me;
I can feel this;
I can feel it all
just slipping away,
like the sun behind the horizon
at the end of the most beautiful day.

Like golden sunlight
passing through the delicate green leaves of a tree,
your radiance nourishes me.
Your soft, purposeful touch warms my cool heart.
I feel my spirit blossom, and I stretch out my earthly arms,
welcoming the heavenly blessing that is you.

You think I'll keep you
because you're so fine
but there's nothing finer
than just me and mine

Someday,
I'll build a beautiful home
in a beautiful place
for my beautiful wife.
We'll fill it up
with beautiful children,
and we'll all live
a most beautiful life.

I am always lost in my mind,
wandering afar;
adrift among violet, pink,
and green nebular.
You can find me, frozen in time,
near Sagittarius A*.

With those curls in your hair,
you've such a beautiful air
about you. I don't care
what you think when I stare.

Come here to me,
ma chérie.
Simple beauty.
Brazen. Free.
You're all I see.