It seems these days
I've grown past emotions
at least the passionate ones
I'm just here
expressionless face
biding my time in this world
seeing what
I can get my hands into
Seeing how big
of a mess I can make

When I see you,
dead flowers return to bloom
in my mind.
Bare trees become
vibrant and green,
and sunlight chases
the frost from my soul.

Everything feels new
when I see you.

Three days ago,
we were together.
It was the most beautiful day of my life.
We got high.
We laughed in the shower.
We made love, twice.
We watched movies.
I held you, and you held me.
But, a strange feeling in my heart
coupled with a sickness in my stomach
told me you were only there
to share one last day with me
because you'd be leaving soon.
Now, today, you're gone.

Let's crawl into bed together
and stay there 'til the world gets better.
If it all just stays the same, then
we can make love in the flames.

You were easy to fall in love with
like a good red wine
or Swiss green absinthe
Intoxicated on you
I made a fool of myself
in front of everyone
After my sickness cleared
I was saddened to see you
for what you really are
You're a poison
just an elegant one

No matter how small
you find yourself feeling
you'll always be something big to me

Darling tell me more about
how you feel so safe and free
to just be you around me

What once was a verdant field
carrying bright wildflowers
and soft birdsong
under brilliant blue sky
now lies dead and cold
beneath swollen grey clouds
and blank snow
I've grown tired
I've lost my passion
to fight through this cruel winter
not even for such joyous memories of these lands
I place my steel
upon the frozen ground
and peacefully retreat
leaving you to a civil war
of black white brown and grey
while I pray wish and hope
that green blue pink and yellow
will one day return to your soul

I want to see you again
I want to hold you again
feel your warmth
and hear you say you like my mind
and how big my hands are
and how the scent of my cologne
mingles with the tobacco
and **** smoke on my skin
The nights are just so lonely anymore
The days are even lonelier
full of what ifs and
me letting myself down
I stare out the window every evening
as the light of our yellow star
fades in the west
wondering about you
and the future
and death

Let's spread my wool blanket out on the local hill.
We'll lie there, intertwined, and watch
as the noisy sun melts colorfully into the horizon,
slowly yielding to the advancing shadow of night
and the quiet glow of the moon and stars,
the same way I melt beneath your soft kisses
and wandering hands,
and yield to the warmth between your thighs.

Darling
as our sinking sun sets the day ablaze
with violet
orange
and pink flames
my love is a hopeful bluebird
flying home against strong
newly prevailing winds of cold indifference
Weariness dulls its wings
and sharp realization soon follows
it shall have to abandon the nest it has built
inside the dark hollow of your heart

Push away the desire
to open your mind to it
ignore convictions held
congregate with the ******
swallow poison
breathe noxiousness
feast your eyes
upon modern perversions
indulge the flesh
dampen your fire
dull your edge
pacify yourself
become another drone
enslaved by the freedom
to enjoy vice

Today a girl told me
she had a dream about marrying me
I told her
there are two dreams there
not one

She said "I need a good man
but I can't find one anywhere"
I'd tell her where they hide
if I thought I'd see her there

I don't go out of the house much anymore
If I do it's for work or food
or a walk with the dog
maybe through the woods
Just not for people
I've grown tired
of looking into their eyes
of seeing how they look at you
sizing you up
deciding what little box
to stuff you into
before moving on by
The eyes can tell you
in the space of a second or two
if a person's heart's in the right place
if they want something good for the world
or just for themselves
So I don't go out much anymore
I've learned that most others
just can't see past their own worlds

Never could figure out
just what it takes,
and my heart,
it just aches and aches.

I just want to know
what's inside of your head.
I just want your home
to be here in my bed.

They believe their provocations
will carry no consequences
But we are watching from the shadows
anxious and hungry

There's so much I could say to you,
if only my mouth and my lungs
would work against my brain.
You'd know everything
I've ever been sorry for.
Everything I've ever been wrong for.
I'm talking about you.
I'll always be here
to tell you how it's such a shame
that you are who you are
and that I'll always love who you'll never be.

It wasn't a real kiss
It was a test of your character
Go home to your man

If you're honest
you'll admit
you already have
everything you really need
and you've had it for a long while
Everything else
is just **** you desire
out of vanity
**** you've convinced yourself
to need
You know it
we all do
yet for some strange reason
we just can't get comfortable with the idea
that we can be happy
with so little

I look into your brown eyes
past your tight-lipped smile
and see a growing hardness
below the surface
You can't hide something
from someone who's already found it
You're just tired of being alone
and God knows I am too
but I'd rather sleep that way
than with you

There's a messy pink and orange glow outside
as the sun fades
I'm faded inside
A mess of smoke
whiskey
and ennui

How long does this last

I've always been
pretty melancholy
It's not hard to see it in my eyes
I've been that way my whole life
You might not think they're good ones
but I have my reasons
My parents divorced when I was very young
But I wasn't old enough to understand what that meant at the time
That couldn't really **** me up on its own
It led to a controlling stepfather though
who was always quick to put his hands on my face
whenever I said or did something he didn't like
as I was growing up
It also led to a stepsister
a daughter of my stepmother's
who was quick to do things
that I'll leave to your imagination
rather than talking about explicitly
And my Dad was an angry man
He threw things
Knives salt shakers you name it
It was always frightening to see
such displays of something that was in my blood
Don't get me wrong
I had a decent childhood overall
despite the ******* at two homes
and being ****** with at school for being fat
My adult life has been much better
I lost all the weight
I've had pretty girls
probably more of them than I deserve
I've been in jail
and on top of mountains
I've gotten drunk with my friends
and we've done drugs a few times
Okay lots of times
I like my **** just like my Dad
and I like my whiskey just like his Dad
It's in the blood
So I've had fun
I've had moments of bright yellow laughter
in between rose pink kisses
Bursts of joy
fresh and spring green
Dark red bouts of passion
tender ones in beds
and hard ones with fists
Fleeting silvery embraces of grief
Episodes of orange boisterousness
Soft cerulean calmnesses and peace
But all of these colors
are just random brush strokes and splatters
added to a canvas that was first entirely covered
with the deepest most aching shade of violet
immediately after being placed upon the easel
Someday maybe the violet won't show through to others
I'll always know it's there