Angels come to me unseen flying around my face,
my eyes see the sparkles, the clouds leave a trace.
Know that they are around me, stopping me,
protecting me, allowing me, but not suspecting me
Angels whisper in my ear softly on what to do,
They try to lift my spirit when feeling so blue.
They hold me, they pull me, towards the happy bright
light, show me sparkles in corner of my eyesight.
Tears have fallen and they dried them up with their wings,
They have played me songs in the town bells when they ring
Angels are around me and they are waiting for me ask,
Wanting to know what to do, their next crazy task.
Shining their wings thru the clouds so I can see them at times,
Sending beautiful signs, pictures flowing through my mind.
Angels are holding me everyday, this I do know
I have no doubt, as sure as the breath my lips blow.
Knowing they leave traces of themselves all around me;
Angels are everywhere in the trees  Be still, just let them be,.
Magical and enchanting, mystical and surreal,
some would say that they can hardly be real.
Ask them, which is what they want, to help us now,
Your answer, will be short, one word ........ "Wow"!!  ,

Him is the one that I awaken
beside
To see him lost in a dream
Softly reach slowly inside
seeing what really exists
am I permanent or to
him a myth
A ****** feeling
rolled out of bed the next morning
So easy for one to walk away
the next day
You will leave me to go to your
tractor to play
I will be alright
still tasting him on my lips
Still feel my ******* played
by his finger tips
Portraying his love in ways
I love to play
Right now at this moment
its that good should I say
As the sun comes up with morning light
I know that he will soon be in full flight
So many things that he needs to finish
But doesn't he know that someday I will
vanish.  
Then Ill roll over to a memory
of play
Memories stacked up and lock
them away
Another I'm sure Ill wake up to,
another spot taken
So Ill just hope that this one loves bacon

I feel like a soldier calling
ONWARD!  But then I know I am in the NOW
and the NOW is telling me to move ON Right NOW
I am ready
I am going
and I am falling forward on the journey
to a new and free ME
Tnis movement is freeing
from being
A prisoner of narcissistic endless cycle
of highs and lows
a place where I felt that there would be hole to go
Goooo!!!!  Right now.....Escape right now!!!!
I know I can make it out alive and free and lively
and happy and be happy and be free
Then my one hand got stuck on the hole, the door to
the hole
The door that is there all the time and waiting for me to be free
The cycle can be so habit forming and feel so secure at time
But the circle is deceiving and tricky and nightmarish at times
I am getting out of this nightmare of a endless cycle today.  
This day is time stamped of my GREAT ESCAPE from an
endless personality disorder and slightly narcissistic rabbit hole
My name is not Alice
I love my name and I love me and this endless crazy non stopping
cycle of craziness doesnt even say my name all the time unless he is mad
at me and then does he say my name to make me feel upset, panicked  that he saying my name to make me feel disconnected with him
Him that feels disconnected all the time at different times because
he is always someone else at different times.  
Me catching up to the personalities that will be a never ending endless way of not dealing with his own Past and My NOW!!!
The past that he hardly remembers but yet lives the
nightmares everyday in his changed personalities that he brings out
for whatever he is trying to either endure or get away from,  
This has been my pain everyday and then good days not knowing if they were
going to become bad days.  Days of saying...what did I do?  What just happened?  Why did this just happen...again saying ....What did I do?  
No more asking a stupid question to myself for something that I know
that I didnt start or do.....I did not damage this time of day or month or year
I didnt not make him the way he is.  I endured him long enough.
My time is over though still had wonderful times and  beautiful at times
memories.....but the end of the day became dark so much as his personalities displayed his darkness to me.
I dont want the darkness at all anymore
I will always feel for him.  I will always have this love for him.  
But my darkness doesnt even match his shade of dark anymore.
I am light again.
I will march on
I will stand on my own
I have escaped
I am free from his personalities and mental abuse
I am free
Thank you God and Angels above
I am free........
I am
I....................will not look back.....Dont you dare look back

I know he sees me and she sees me
and that little girl over there
I can't help to feel the coldness
of their mean ugly stares
He is looking at me cause I followed
his eyes
what is that look?  One of despise?
The lady in the back made a face
from a quick glance.
I'm hiding out looking  through
Aloe Vera plants
Im hoping the leaves will shed
some healing on my face
To stop all these people from stealing
my grace.
Im fading, Im fading  one day they'll
see
That the stares that they threw
fade me out.... I see I see.....

Here is a poem for you I just wrote

Forever Soul Friends

Funny how time goes by so fast
Memories of-old friends go past
Songs that remind me of you digging me
Songs reminding of of the way we used to be
Laughing and loving.  Loving so free.
Backing you against that lone oak tree
Me  knowing you. You knowing me,
So sweet you look as I stroke your Soul slowly.
It seems like life times your Soul has known me
I wish I could heal you with the wings we have worn
From years and years of our lives before
You and me spent life times opening up doors
For your Soul to walk in and meet mine again and again
I love you now and through many lifetimes ......I loved you then

My soul tells me your ghost is around me in this haunted mind of mine,
Wishin you would touch me, hold me, push me even
for a sign.
A brush of your cheek against mine or your fingers stroking my
hair...Don't mind I really don't...dont leave one hair spared.
Your kisses on my lips linger and I smell them,
I have memorized 'em .......Even kept some.
Your stare gazes right through me when I look at your photograph
I hear the erie far off laughter when I remember how much we laughed.
Your brown arms I sometimes think of when you spooned me wrapped against me tight...laying on my side always.....waiting for it to happen again...I know it might.
Feeling your breath against my neck as we watched Moulin Rouge
So relaxed...I fell asleep and felt like our bodies fused.
You woke me up so gently not wanting me to miss the love scenes
but then I wake up from this ghostly almost haunting dream.
Ghost around me ...Silent Ghost....Ghost so far away
Please come back to me and appear to me today.  
I know I work the Secret and I know I ask and do it right.
I know I have dreams about you in escrow and I believe with
all my might.  
Ghost are spirits that some say don't believe ...I know this is real, and You, I will receive.
The Ghost of you is fading around the edges,
I close my eyes and write my words, tears soaking my dread
Its there I found the heat of my tears and know its
real and not just ghosts in my head.
Not just the few pics I downloaded on my phone
so I can stare at you and not feel so alone
I have the picture of the anime  we drew one
night together...and I did have that sign,  when down fell one  feather.....
They are supposed to be from Angels, allowing me to see,
Feels like they are more from you....The  Ghost Around Me...

You touched my heart
A part of me that is untouchable in reality
You can not literally touch my heart with your fingers
Even though you can touch anythng on the outside of me
Energy that you have within you touches my heart
Energy comes from your Soul into Mine
The feeling can be felt...not seen, only seen  
By my eyes as they fill with tears when you touch my heart
My heart feels your pain, your love, and misses you
As it fills my whole body with blood that circulates through
my human body and my Soul that you can not see either
It is there, and my Soul feels you loving me and it feels when you dont
love me.  
My heart and Soul know somehow that you dont like me or think what
I do or say is stupid or just unbelievable.
My whole being feels your pain when you hurt.
I feel everything around me and it that energy sometimes is so strong
that it consumes me and makes me feel like Im suffocating.
I walk away, I hermit myself as I look out the window knowing that I will
get back out and join the world and all those feelings   I am an Empath.  Glad to feel you.

happened on the day special to me
It was a text not so plain to see
There were many texts sent to me that day
I failed to see it  in right there displayed
For my eyes only in my inbox
Feeling like a deer in headlights
was my eyes detoxed?
It was my Mother's day message that
made my heart skip a beat
IT was a Mothers day wish
that made it quite complete
I know that i had to rub my eyes twice
to see the special and lovely surprise
I felt your love and felt your love
everyday of my life since you left
My intuition was good,  at my best
You were my gift sent from above
I felt it I felt it all of your love.

I wanna see Angels like Lorna sees them today
Please give me the sight,  Angel's, please show me the way
Seen puffs of clouds and sparkles of blue and pink
I want to see more please, more distinct.  
I want to see feathers, vivid colors displayed
I want to hear the harps of the angelic music played
I want to see them smiling at me
I want to see one, no two, NOO Three!!
Given the gift to hear spirits from the other side
Want them to come through, please please I cry!!
I have looked in the sky and seen'em lookin down
thru the clouds
I am in awe, and I am just like....WoW!!!!!!!!!!  
I love and rely on my guardian Angel Jeanine
She knows what I do and she has seen what I see
I know she is there about 3 feet behind.
She is so quiet, full of loyality and so loving and kind
To come into this world with me from the womb
Then to stay behind me silently but with warnings of doom
She gives me signs and I know that I receive them.
I feel mine is a female and not definitely a him
Please always Jeanine know that love I have for you
Its for me, soley me that you do what you do.
God assigned you to me and I definitely agree
If you were not here, then I might not be me.
So please let me see more Angels appear
Let me feel them when they are near
I promise I will treat them with all the love in my heart
But for now thanks allowing the puffs of clouds and the pink and blue sparks.
Thank you for the ones that form from the beautiful clouds
and sky
Thank you for letting them be near me hearing their wings when i have cried
Thank you God for the Angels.  I will will say it a million times
I feel them always in my heart when I hear the church bell chime.
I feel them when I have an issue or sick
I feel them when I am happy and feel Good about this Chick!!
I feel they help my family friends and so many Souls
I feel they are in the trees the sky and when the wind blows
So again I wanna see the Angels Like Lorna can
Reach out Reach out and Just hold my Hand!!    
xoxoxoxo

Your Soul met my Soul and my Soul knew yours
Since then, years and years walking through lighted doors
Doors of places we both been before
Being Lovers , Being friends, down to our cores
Your core I have loved and played on and
played with, held and swayed with,
and wanted more and more
Until we parted to leave to soar and blend
Only to start over again and again and again....
Hardest part of leaving you is feeling your end
and you cant stay,
but then the beginning comes back  around our way
Deepest parts of my Soul knows light without mine  yours may decay
As I walk the walk to Heaven and look towards the sky
Asking myself how I ever left you,  I ask why? Oh Spirit Why?
Seeing your hand, reaching out only longing for mine, clutching, pulling me
up like a deeply rooted vine
A vine that grows within our Souls up through our
spiritual spine,
The golden thread breaths you back into mine,
To once again weave us, embrace us, to be sewn so entwined.
This must be what past lives means,
Never ending endings and rebirths for our love
Carries our Souls by white fluffy Doves.
Seems we are all waiting for the end to begin
and the beginning to end
Now I know there are loves that you meet again
later in your journey and it may seem almost unreal and blurry
But your are here for a reason I feel it in my Soul's heart
Ill either see you again in the middle or End or maybe at Start
But either way I know that in all the lives that I live,
it will always be my heart and soul to you that I give

It seems we all dream the dream....
of a time we all can come together....forever.  Those days of being free were great for you. For me.  For everybody!!!  
The days of fun in the sun and driving and laughing and coming undone.
Waking to the next relentless day always thinking we would be okay.
Regardless.  
Never no doubt, never so sadness.  
Hardly ever no grief or maddness.
We lived to laugh we lived to love.   We lived to love and give.  
STOP
and think about the fun for a while,
Here it comes.   Wait for it......
what comes next is the Smile.

The stairway you all climbed this year is definitely a great
walk it appears,
Hearing that you died today brings me to tears
hearing if you were still suffering brings out my fears.
Is he alone and is someone making him laugh
Was he able to get up and take his own bath
Did he sit by hisself and think his own morbid thoughts
Should I have gone out and just picked him up.
I feel Im always lagging behind to late
I dont want anyone to feel like they are smoothering
and want to escape.
I know that my loved ones are all gone and for a while
I wish to God there was a phone direct to just dail
I know today is your first day in Heaven
I know that you were on my mind when I gave my rent to Kevin
I wondered if you were on the stairs still making your walk
I know you might of lingered not going by a clock
I wondered in some strange way you came in my dream as Pat
knowing he was familiar and if it was you Id have an attack
Probably so because I was so sad on friday night
When I knew deep in my soul your were ready for flight.
Your voice seemed so weak, and you even said it to me
I said yeah def not the voice from before we agreed.
I know that you arent suffering....that is what we all say
I know I know I will see you on another fine day.
well fine for me going to a place of love and peace
But not for our loved ones and me right now Oh PLease
Come back for just a little while so I can laugh with you and see
you smile.   Make me giggle like you used to do, and I do the same to you.
I wanted to just hug you one more time but I guess it was your time to heal and shine
I know you do fine and be the head of something over there
Cause I know Bob and I know his voice will blare!  
Blare out the feeling Good once again
Feeling like the child that was made into your Man!
I love you, I send peace, Give me a sign once in a while
and maybe give me a call if there is a phone you can dail
or just let me look up in the sky and be proud
of that heart you might send me dressed up like a cloud.

Where are you?
Why did you leave me?
You know now I'm blue
with pain in my heart
pain that feels we're apart
Pain in my head, my body, my mind
Can't you feel to send me a sign.  
I miss our love only me and you knew,
I miss the things you said and would do.
The sparkle of your eyes , deep look you
would dart
It clung to my Soul and my heart, YES! my heart
I miss you and I know you miss me
But you made this move, do you not agree?
I would of been against it,
I would of fought a fight,
I would of held on to you more tighter than tight.
If I knew this would happen and I somehow lose
you,
Cause the shock is real,  I did not have a clue.
I would of held you tighter, smiled till my lips would shake,
I would of made life more a party, like everyday ice cream
and cake.
I would of shined more and listened more and went out of my way
To make you see differently and,  JUST STAY! STAY! STAY!!
I hope that you see my writings and how much it makes my heart
hiccup and hiss.
Or maybe just  holding off because its hard for you too
Maybe it was even harder for you and that's why there was no follow thru.
All I know is that you are gone and see only memories in my mind or from a photograph,
But I'm telling you my darling, I would give millions just to hear you laugh!
Millions to see you one more time in my journey until it is my end,
Be still my heart, and YES my darling, we definitely will meet again!.

written with love
by Janna Lee

Peace and Love
Janna ....of course...xoxoxoox loolol

Drakey, My Drakey!!  
What to be?  What to be?
It seems you know
Or so it seems.
We can all have our say,
and our opinions, okay!!  
When it comes down to it
Do it all, your choices, your call.
I love you, I love you, I do tell you
everyday
pray for your wellbeing and that your okay!!
Your got so much going for you,
but alas I  know what depression can do.
Sometimes I feel I can save you
with my words,
I know, roll your eyes, it
might sound absurd.  
I will tell you and tell you
and tell you more and more,
I will also tell the Angels to
follow you thru your doors.
I know, you know, that you know, your
okay, maybe
But one day you might not.....no not be.
and I might be the one to have saved you from harm,
to set out your deep internal alarm.
I'm letting  you know that nothing can be that
bad;
To make you feel everyday so
broken and sad.
Wanting you to get the most out of life
That apple!!  That super big slice!!
Want to push and make of you what you can
You are the Man! You are the Man!! Make your Stand!!
So happy that you have gone the journey you began.
Just walk slowly and enjoy the time each step you withstand!!
I am your family, your blood, and you have many, many, up above
They will be here for you, with you, while you walk your walk
Always know that they listen when you reach out and talk.  
I will be here as long as I my contract stands with the other side
When I leave dont be afraid to cry,
But dont spend unless hours feeling blue
But think of all the exciting and happy times of Me and You!!
I try to watch from a distance, and hug you seeing your handsome  face;
I will always be your Mom Mom, where I stand from my space.
I love the relationship that me and you share
I will always be here for for more memories to make and share!!

You in a moment
standing still where your at;
Caught in a breeze or a voice talking to you
maybe your own sitting where you sat.
Everyday  awakened you walk back to this life
one, sometimes so stagnant, it cuts with a knife
Push through each day with pressure and thickness;
turning out depression, sadness, sad sickness.
Flowers bloom this morning with one morning Hello
then until the moon beams shine on us saying goodnight in a sultry glow.
Feel me at night,  I lay my energy next to your soul
It is you, in this madness that makes thy Soul whole.
We dance in our dance, you twirl me in our dreams;
Hold my hand as we talked about, almost felt it seems
You can pull me over to fall into your heat, just for me to  lick up all your delectable treats.
I know that you fien for me morning and night and I fein for your
soft and slow movements in my seducing insights,
Rocking so slowly on top as I will,
Dancing my aroma through you, but yet laying so still.
I will rock just a little, enough for your love to reach a place,
One that I have marked for you and your beautiful grace.
So slowly walk towards me and to start our playful
sliding, grinding, the meetings so near;
I will know when I sense you coming, Ill will taste you in the air.
I will arch my neck so slightly to sense you behind me
Then let your lips **** my skin so delectably.  
You and me got a gift between us in so many miles
It makes us happy, it makes us flow and is bundled with smiles.
WE rock and roll with music of all walks of life, you draw me into you like a peace of our art,  so clean and precise;
But you make me messy with the laughs and the giggles and belly rolls.
That why we connect to each other like leggo Souls
Dont leave me without telling me your going, if you ever do walk
away from our thing;
and if you do ever in life, I am grateful for the love and trust you bring.
We are going to be free one day, you wait and see,
Get ready, get set, I'll race you on 3............................ Love you Baby!
Love Jawauna