Cotton candy clouds
Fill my throat with cement
I want to be the moon
I'd like to be somewhere else

When birds sing into my window
I float in an ocean of sheets
I would drown in them if I could
Alone alone alone

When the day becomes golden
I wish I could love it for myself
I'd hide it from the world
Alone alone alone

When dark streaks of clouds illuminate
And the streets becomes calm
I'd like to be as smooth as the warmness in the breeze
I wish I was the moon
I'd like to be somewhere else

If I could bury me down into the earth
If my toes became roots
My arms, strong branches
My soul would not be still

I would fly into the godly skies
Clouds of yellow, gold and rays of light
And I would compress this all
With my two bare hands
Alone alone alone

I am caged
I am weak
When I am with you
And when I miss you

Lonely as ever
Clinging together
I'll kiss you then cry
And you'll ask me why

I felt it the other night when I laid
2:58 and my mind felt awake
I felt eyes around my head
And eyes  around my bed
And there was indeed a heavy dark weight
It laid on my back and sat satisfied
And I felt for once empty and hollow inside
And I think it must have been all the heaviness that had settled deep within
That decided to come out but still somehow clung to my skin

I remember once
I laid needing for you
Waiting to hear the steps
And I waited
And I had given up

The door squeaked and you peeked your head through
And whispered innocently
"Can I sleep here with you?"
And that was a joy I had never felt in my life
I thought it was a sign, I thought truly it was right

And of course he gives me comfort
He fills my time with bliss
I will love him with every word and every kiss
But I have yet to feel another joy in that way
And I had once dreamt of you in the night and through the day
And so it humbles my heart to say
I often wish we talked

I felt it the other night when I laid
2:58 and my mind felt awake
I felt eyes around my head
And eyes  around my bed
And there was indeed a heavy dark weight
It laid on my back and sat satisfied
And I felt for once empty and hollow inside
And I think it must have been all the heaviness that had settled deep within
That decided to come out but still somehow clung to my skin

The days are dull
Dull and dim
Floating unimpressed with tired bloodshot eyes

The nights can be better
Although they're usually aided
And medicated
And I see ghosts everywhere

People who I knew
Who I have loved and lost
Linger in my atmosphere, very present
But their presence is no longer for me

The Autumn sky was setting
Rubbing its beauty into my face
Whimsical and mystical
Blue and pink and I was gray

And I see people everyday
Stuck in their humanistic ways
One track mind set, living their lives away
And they are fine and I am gray

There was a time not long ago
When the air was hot and free
When my world was full
And flurished with simplicity

Tell me where my heart went
It left when the days became shorter
Maybe it is because I shed my skin
Maybe it is because I am older

Had it left with my morals?
Back when I truly believed?
Has *** pills joints and tabs
Made me less or more niave?

Tell me where my heart went
It ran when my eyes began seeing
I let it slip right through my fingers
And I mourn with every fiber in my being

The moon has lost its inspiration
But the nights still keep me up
- And I say to others and myself
Just let me live

I just want to live

something strange happens in my head
a worm that digs thought deep
deeper, twisted thoughts that I dread
I live for all of your faces
the ones that only I see
then I imagine all your faces
for a girl other than me
and I want to apologize
for this and for that
my mind is toxic, the worm is sick and
I know you love me
I know it's true
but I want to apologize
for being the one who tied you

A feeling of failure fell over her shoulders as the medicine went down. It went away as quickly as it came when all that needed to matter didn't need to matter

          right away

Ignorance is bliss for those who don't see, and if they saw

what a dissapointing sight that would be
          Unapologetic
                   As long as no one was around

          Pathetic
                    Let the medicine go down.

A feeling of failure fell over her shoulders as she saw her future like
steps
below her
feet
One by one          Your day will come          Just follow your dreams

Dreams of success so sweet
                       "the day will come for me"
Her body like fluff in the chair

Then a familiar comfort of mindless bliss caressed her everything

E a s y

          So she didn't need to care

You said my eyes were blue pearls
You hated seeing them cry
So often I needed to leave
And you always needed to try

You loved that I was the only one
Who would never leave your side
And I truly thought you'd love me
Wasting time with hazy minds

What a sad story
If you never found the worth that is
Inside of you
I see it inside
Everything that you do
And what a discouraging story
Of an honest soul who never saw it too

The pieces left one day
And I became a shell
Hallowed and cleaned

Then they all ran
They all ran from me
Saying it was me who fled

I still have my blood
I still have my hair
Maybe my eyes are a little more dead

Maybe my thoughts are more somber
Maybe my heart holds more anger
Maybe I am simply getting older

Maybe they can't relate

But to be afraid of the truth
What a pathetically sad way to be
As I mope in the comforting cloud of self pity

Change made me different
But change did not set me free

And everyone knew it
Everyone
Except for me

something strange happens in my head
a worm that digs thoughts deep
deeper, twisted thoughts that I dread
I live for all of your faces
the ones that only I see
then I imagine all your faces
for a girl other than me
and I want to apologize
for this and for that
my mind is toxic, the worm is sick and
I know you love me
I know it's true
but I want to apologize
for being the one who tied you

Time does not bring back excitement
Time does not bring back chills
It falls through our hands like running water
Running, flying through the seconds and days
spent with you

I would rip off my skin and patch you with it
You would claw at the stresses that come my way
But time will show us the ugly details
The print we did not read before we signed

I could turn myself into a monster
Thinking about all the things I know you like
I would tape and cut all my flaws
So I would not be such a strain, to you and myself, my love

Time has made your face too familiar
It drained me of all the reasons I once held so dear
And you swim in my mind every place that I go  
Will I ever wring myself clean of you

And you say it is fine as if those words change my mind
And they do every time because I never follow through

Time heals and time changes
And love is something that pushes, pulls
on our insides
Time hurts and time brings new
And love is the chain that keeps me from
walking away from you

And we have dug this hole
We have dragged ourselves all the way down
We have fallen, we have bones broken
And all that's left to do is to stare at each other
Into black hole eyes

Coffee won't cure the ache

And pills remind me of us

Just be kind tonight

Let me sleep inside your arms

Spare me
I am too afraid of the blood
Too afraid of the pain
Until our words stop fitting each other's
I will wait
Numb and tired
Of this gray piece of time
Until our eyes becomes hallow
Like four shallow tunnels
I will cry on your shoulder and plead your name
I will wait
When *** is the only pleasure
Pointless pleasure
The single perfect treasure
I will give it up because my head will be cleared
And it will all be clearer than the last day
Because nothing will remain for us
Aged and withered away
Until then I will wait
And as a child I would wait
For my tooth to fall out
Patiently
For it to happen naturally
It dropped into my hand
With no disturbance at bay
I loved feeling the root decay
Funny how things happen in that way

A feeling of failure fell over her shoulders as the medicine went down. It went away as quickly as it came when all that needed to matter didn't need to matter

          right away

Ignorance is bliss for those who don't see, and if they saw

what a dissapointing sight that would be
          Unapologetic
                   As long as no one was around

          Pathetic
                    Let the medicine go down.

A feeling of failure fell over her shoulders as she saw her future like
steps
below her
feet
One by one          Your day will come          Just follow your dreams

Dreams of success so sweet
                       "the day will come for me"
Her body like fluff in the chair

Then a familiar comfort of mindless bliss caressed her everything

E a s y

          So she didn't need to care

Cotton candy clouds
Fill my throat with cement
I want to be the moon
I'd like to be somewhere else

When birds sing into my window
I float in an ocean of sheets
I would drown in them if I could
Alone alone alone

When the day becomes golden
I wish I could love it for myself
I'd hide it from the world
Alone alone alone

When dark streaks of clouds illuminate
And the streets becomes calm
I'd like to be as smooth as the warmness in the breeze
I wish I was the moon
I'd like to be somewhere else

If I could bury me down into the earth
If my toes became roots
My arms, strong branches
My soul would not be still

I would fly into the godly skies
Clouds of yellow, gold and rays of light
And I would compress this all
With my two bare hands
Alone alone alone

My tears cover you like a storm
Washing you with burden and guilt
They soak into your skin, your eyes are stones
So many times I scream into voids
My words are wolves rabid, needing to feed
Needing to bite
And they would chase you away for good

I can't seem to ring you out of me
Or the words you forgot you said
It all weighs down on my breaking heart
Your words meant nothing as I bled
If only I could pull the emotions right our of your eyes so I could read them like a novel
But they are not mine to keep
When change comes so quickly
It won't always set us free
So we will hold our breath and hold our hearts
Because there is a dark heaviness in these words that we speak

Something strange happens in my head
A worm that digs thoughts deep
Deeper, twisted thoughts that I dread
I live for all your faces
The ones that only I see
Then I imagine all your faces
For a girl other than me
And I want to apologize
For this and for that
My mind is toxic, the worm is sick and
I know you love me, I know it's true
But I want to apologize
For being the one who tied you