I awake  to find a morning glory,
sun shining through,splintered curtains,a shaft of light
to highlight this physical form ,
A ******* monolith, proud and *****
its surrounded by hunched ***** disciples
gathered in there thousands
but soon it will lose this fertile form,and disappear ,
to  return again the following morn

So this is it ,new beginning,a chance to start again,
let cupid bring me luck,fire up the laptop,lets take a look,
create my profile ,here we go ,twenty quid ,on with the show,
upload my photos ,best choose well ,oh I look good on these,
you cannot tell ,at 49 looking fine ,own hair and teeth ,she will be mine.
Oh who"s viewed me ,she seems ok ,but 240, k away !, why bother looking silly mare, I need you here ,not over there ,she looks ******, she looks rough ,big tattoos,and one tooth .
Ah but she has made stop in my tracks ,a pretty lady ,read the facts,she has done this, likes that,expects this, but not that,to me she is a good bet ,**** photo with   hair  wet, send a chat ,send a chat ,talk about his ,talk about that ,we get on ,oh hoorah ,be nice to meet her one day.
But she is a star and I just the moon,still she makes my heart swoon.

Your born ,you blink
soon ten ,blink again
You scuffle in the playground
cos someone said you stink,
In a second,your twenty,
Did you notice the blink,
Find the girl of your dreams
Blink ,the baby it screams,bottoms
to change ,school to arrange,
Oh the school clothes, so *****,
god you blinked,  your thirty,
career is going great ,expensive holidays ,
were running late,quick kids get on the plane,
now your forty ,blinked again,
your wife has gone,through your neglect,
was bound to happen ,what the heck ,hit the bottle
a quick snifty  ,**** you blinked ,your 50
now your a Grandad ,proud as punch,
take the family out to lunch ,a new lover on your arm,
blink It"s big sixty ,no alarm,
you feel haggered and so worn ,through your life time has torn
but you have money ,yes you have plenty
will see you through ,blink your seventy.
In hospital see the lights, on what is your final night,
now you make your last blink ,hope this poem made you think.

When the girl, I loved, died,
I locked myself in her room
while her parents were in Arizona.

I went through her things
and found
**** photos;
A few where she seemed
ashamed
and a few where she
liked her body.
She had a gummy smile
and in others
she looked down at her *******
while having a blank expression.

I found empty
alcohol bottles.
Cheap bottles of wine
and a bottle of red,
stuffed with tissue paper.

Under her dresser
I found an unopened
letter she intended to
give the boyfriend before me,
where she admitted
to being ***** as a teenager
and how she hoped
it wasn't too much
baggage.

I threw out the photos
and
alcohol bottles,
but not the letter.

I don't know why but I kept it.
I occasionally read it,
because it's her,
and I love her.

I told my friend
and he called me a
Halomaker,
because I made sure
she was remembered
as an angel.

She looked at me and said,
"You should **** me
before you love me."
And so I did.

Her hands covered her *******
and she said,
"I want you to guess which breast
my father touched first."
And so I did.

The bones in her hands shifted
as she fixed her hair into a ponytail.
"You're going to promise me that
you're not going to try to fix me.
You're going to promise me, okay?"
And so I did.

Her lips would start bleeding
because when she lied
she chewed her lips.
She said, "I think today
will be the last day I live."
And I asked her for one more.

Dry blood sat on her inner lips
as she kissed me good morning.
Her voice softly cooed,
"I hope that isn't the last time
I kiss you."
And I asked her for one more.

She bled,
"All you write about are girls.
You never write about me.
All you write about are faces
without souls. What about my soul?
Are you going to
******* write about my soul?
Are you going to write another poem?"
And I asked her for one more.

Looking at me,
she ran her fingers
down her hips,
across scars,
and said,
"Too many men look at me
and see what they want to.
They look at me and see
broken picture frames
that they can repair
and put our faces into."

Our hands met
and our fingers grasped
at the pieces of ourselves
that were deeper than faces.
But it was only me
as she whispered,
"Stop,"
licked my cheek
to my ear,
finishing,
"Don't fall in love
with what you
think you see.
Just **** me."

And so I did.
And so I asked her for one more.

Up until my insomnia meets me
I lied when I said I forgot
I was scared what you'd think
If I said that  I love you a lot

People have only cared for minutes
Leaving me to care for days
When I look at you all I can think
Is please don't go away

I can see me in your eyes
I dream of dreaming with you
I can trace your scars with mine
My thoughts are bleeding through:

My Talia, I know what it's like to not be seen;
what it's like to be alone in a crowded room.
For you, my star, I want you to know:
that no one shines as bright as you.

I can taste you moving on my skin.
My gasp is air you sustain.
hand in hand, under an umbrella
with you, I am safe.

Hey Dad,
It's been some time since we last spoke. I miss you, still. I'm writing to ask that you pass a message on to Mom for me. She never was one for sentimental stuff; but you know that, already.

Tell Mom that she is missed by all of her children; we miss her especially on this, her first Mother's Day away. I will miss not calling or seeing her. I missed sweating over what to get her this year. I miss her voice those times when I just needed to hear it; the first time that Noah had an ear infection, those times that I needed to know what was wrong with my roses. She always seemed to have the right answer no matter what. Just like you.

Tell Mom that I'm doing well. I've stopped drinking. I know she never liked that. Tell her that Noah is graduating from High School next month. You both were always so proud of him. He misses both of you very much. You should see him now, Dad. He's as tall as I am. As tall as you. He has grown into a good man; he is a lot like you in many ways. Noah sends his love to you both.

Well, I just wanted to say hello, and ask that you tell Mom that I love her. Tell her that I understand. It was time. She missed you. You were waiting up in the high pasture for quite awhile.  I'll let you go, now. I know that you two still have a lot of catching up to do.

Hugs to Mom.

                         Love,
                         Rick

r ~ 5/11/14

There is a line I cross across myself and beside myself I lay broken
With every sigh there is goodbye and I reside by words I've never spoken
I need help
Staying strong has never felt so wrong. Staying strong has never felt so wrong.
           Staying strong has never felt so wrong.
Staying strong has never felt so ******* wrong.
                                                                ­Staying strong has never felt so

**** me.
******* **** me.
Give me your lips and thrill me.
Perk up your shoulders as I lay there and smolder
thrill me.

Whoops, there I said it and if I feel it then I must really mean it
and if I mean it, then I must really want it
and if I want it then I'll eat fire.
And duh-duh-duh he's going to eat fire, ladies and gentleman.
Boys and girls,
there are seven wonders of the world
and you'll never see them, let alone be them.

You ******* *******
I trusted you
I was just a child

"I'm scared."

You touched me in ways that you thought would bring satisfaction
but all you created was destruction

"You do it or you go to hell. It's in the bible."

Just because you corrupted my body
doesn't mean that you corrupted my being.
And you will never know who I am
just because of my body.
I have heaven inside of me
and oceans so deep in my heart
that I can drown others with my love.

I am not what the TV says I am
I am not what a textbook says I am
I am not my grades
I am not the flames that have burnt me

I am love
I am hope
I am the fingers brushing her face
I am courage
I am ambition
I am fighting to fix everything
while you lay dead and broken under dirt that is above you.
Above you.
Above you.
Above you. Above you. Above you. Above you. Above you.

This is the one time I will not be weak.

If I can overcome this then I can overcome anything at all
and if I can't
then forever I'll fall.

Ted was a good guy, he had
plenty of friends.
No one could believe that his
life came to an end.

People would always say that
he had a great smile.
He would go the distance for
you, even walking a mile.

Ted worked ******* his job from
night to day.
If they needed someone to work
overtime, Ted would stay.

Suddenly one day he began to
feel terrible and strange.
This is day that everything in
Ted's life changed.

Doctor's ran blood test, cultures
and a whole lot more.
Ted's boss and the job selfishly
kicked him out of the door.

Suffering without insurance and
in a whole lot of pain.
Ted then decided to give up on life
because he felt he had nothing to gain.

Lord, if someone had just reached out
to lend Ted a helping hand.
We wouldn't have to be standing
out in the rain trying to understand.

One thing about Ted is he did the
very best that he could.
Satisfying his no good boss, job and
people who never understood.

Ted's insurance company let it be
known that they could care less.
Doing all that they could do to make
his life more of a mess.

So here we are talking all about Ted
leaving behind kids and a wife.
Nobody wants to face the facts of
why he took his own life.

Most would agree that suicide for
Ted was all so wrong.
Even the strongest of men have a
day when they are not strong.