My Dogue has started digging holes,
My garden looks like I have giant moles,
He happily goes about this task,
Of ripping my poor lawn apart,
Once the ground is all churned up,
Pulls clean washing from the line, the pup,
Dragging my laundry through the muck,
It won't rain now, with any luck,
I've given up analysing it,
He's just a naughty little ****,
So I go to tell him he's been bad,
But I kiss his face instead of that,
His saddest eyes and wrinkly face,
The plea's not guilty, I have no case,
I really ought not make a fuss,
I dig enough holes for both of us! :)

I ought to diet, I'm a little fat,
I haven't got much time for that,
Most diets are just not to my taste,
However much I miss my waist,
The powdered ones , you blend to make,
But I like food, along with my shake,
The gimmick ones, the new 'must haves'
Soon disappear for the next new fad,
I love my food, I live to eat,
Quite healthy too, I ought not bleat,
Home cooked supper,every night,
Organic stuff, it tastes just right,
Butter though, not margarine,
That foul stuff, it tastes obscene,
I work hard by day, so starve or binge,
So I mustn't really start to whinge,
It's quantity I think the cause,
Each meal I eat it could feed four,
They say eat less and work out more,
What a ****** awful bore,
Never been one for the gym,
All that straining, looking grim,
Joggers running, along the road,
So red, I think they will explode,
The answers clear, if all that, I cannot hack,
Bring the renaissance shape in women, back!

My sister and I, are chalk and cheese,
You ought to guess which one is me,
My corny jokes and nervous laugh,
Hers dry, and cryptic, never daft,
She's quiet and thoughtful, steady and true,
Not using ten words, when one will do,
Me chattering constantly, unabated,
Even I think I need to be sedated,
Nervously trying to be the clown,
Even when I'm feeling down,
She speaks her mind, firm and forthright,
If I did that, I'd worry all night,
Her demeanours calm, determined and strong,
I try too hard, still getting it wrong,
Luckily she is the one who's a mother,
I wouldn't wish my genes, into another,
Although we're eighteen years apart,
We both do share our mothers heart,
Nature or nurture? Questions the theory,
There's no answer in this instance, clearly,
As opposite as our characters may be
I love my sister, and she loves me.

"He turned around and said to me,
So I turned around and said to he,
Then they turned around and said to me,
And I turned around and said to all three",
My brothers renditions always make me grin,
Why don't they talk while facing him?
Seems a funny way to begin a chat,
Talking to someone, back to back  :)

I'v gathered my thoughts about where and why,
The ways of which that I might die,
Fast unexpected heart attack,
Cool and trendy shark attack,
One of the worst must be dimentia,
Or the ****** awful cancer,
The saddest must be suicide,
These poor souls are lost inside,
The accidental dreadful sudden way,
Leaves us reeling, too shocked to say,
However we lose ones we love,
We often blame The Lord above,
Whose stolen them away from us,
Without ceremony or lots of fuss,
We fill our hearts with darkened hate,
When it's really only down to fate,
There is one thing I think I know,
There's no good way for us to go,
It's being so cheerful that keeps me going,
Now my mental juices are flowing,
However much I try to analyse,
It's bound to be a big surprise,
Although not now so much a shock,
As I'm up against the ****** clock.

I appreciate I'm ageing , and I'm glad I'm still alive,
Tell that to my muddled mind, it thinks I'm twenty five,
The driver in the car in front, has grey hair I can see,
Oh hurry up you slow old ***, does not apply to me,
My ageing skin has wrinkles now, it gives me quite a fright,
Mother Nature in her kindness helped, by weakening my sight,
Perhaps I ought to go to Church to kiss some Godly ****,
To ensure safe passage up to heaven, not downwards, when I pass,
I'm really not quite ready yet, to become a sad old codger,
I'm turning into one of those, I've called a *******!
In truth I'm happy in my mind, but one thing I'd like to change,
Ideally to LOOK twenty five, yet maintain the knowledge gained.

Oh to feel the sun on my face,
Makes my world feel a better place ,
Gentley warming my insipid skin,
After a winter of living within,
Central heating dehydrates,
Hot climates it cannot emulate,
Of course it's bad for us they say,
I'll take my chances anyway,
So I will just sit and enjoy the sun,
When it's not shining out my ***.